40 Year Old Virgin

You don't want to be "Let's get some franch toast" drunk on New Year' Eve

​Cab rides aren't cheap, but they're a bargain compared with the costs of a DWI. Fines of up to $2,000, up to six months in jail, suspension of your driver's license, having your car impounded, bail money and lost time off work (if you're not fired) add up to make that mistaken "I'm OK to drive" ruinously expensive. And that's before the $3,500 to $10,000 or more it can cost in attorney fees. Makes you put that $20 fare in perspective, doesn't it? Clip and save the following numbers or program them into your phone. They might just save your freedom -- or, you know, someone's life.

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Jekyll & Hyde's Constantine Maroulis

There are 23 people in the cast of Jekyll & Hyde, but the real star of the show is lead actor Constantine Maroulis' hair. It shimmers, it glistens, it flips, flies and flaps. It goes back in a long ponytail when he's playing brooding Dr. Jekyll and falls down in a loose, sexy mane when he becomes the drug-induced, hooker-murdering alter-ego, Edward Hyde. If hair could sing, Maroulis' mop would win a Tony for its performance. The pre-Broadway 25-city national tour of the Frank Wildhorn/Leslie Bricusse musical opened at the Winspear last night and stays there through December 16. Here are the five best moments performed by Maroulis' hair in this show:

See also: Five Must-Have Pieces of Scarface Memorabilia, For the Holidays

1. Still sporting the same long, curly, dark brown tresses he had as a contestant on American Idol in 2005 and in the Broadway cast and tour of Rock of Ages, Constantine Maroulis, 37, should always get second billing after his hair. Moments after he first appears at the top of Jekyll & Hyde, one slim, greasy tendril escapes the bonds of the hair-colored scrunchy that holds the rest back in the ponytail worn by ambitious do-gooder Dr. Jekyll. The lone long curl clings passionately to Maroulis' slim cheek as he sings not one but two opening solos: "Lost in the Darkness" (or as he sings it, "dockness") and "I Need to Know." (I need to know how many rehearsals it took for that lock of hair to fall just right down the left side of his face.)

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It's picture perfect fair-weather in Dallas this week, but while second helpings of all things State Fair are tempting, you might start to notice it in the waistline. If you want do the fair but need to give the gut a break, here are just a few of the best inedible ways to spend your time at the 2012 state fair.

1. Pig Races, Dog Shows, and Boris the Giant Boar

Depending on how much bacon you've eaten, you may or may not want to check out Boris, the enormous hog who lives in front of the swine building during fair season. He's smelly, and he has gnarly, jagged teeth and larger-than-life genitalia.

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Shakespeare Dallas

Joanna Schellenberg as Lady Macbeth

When you hear someone say "Out, damned spot!," that's from a line in Macbeth (used in endless headlines for stories about acne cures and stain removers). When you hear "there will be blood" or a reference to "the milk of human kindness" or that someone leads "a charmed life," Macbeth again. Same with "the be-all and the end-all" and "Lay on, Macduff!"

See also:
ATTPAC and Shakespeare Dallas Will Perform Every Shakespeare Work Ever Over Next Five Years

William Shakespeare's shortest, bloodiest tragedy, first performed in 1611 and now running at Shakespeare Dallas for the fall production at Samuell-Grand Amphitheatre, added many colorful phrases to our language. It even has what is perhaps the first recorded "knock-knock" joke in a speech by a drunken porter that's the only bit of levity in an otherwise grisly, action-packed drama.

Here are some of the best pop culture references and usages that have arisen from "The Scottish Play."

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Mark Graham

Jaap Van Zweden

See also: 11 Must-Do Parties For Fashion's Night Out In Dallas

If you're like a lot of people I know, you'd love to go hear a classical music performance now and again. But saying you'd like to go hear some art music and actually remembering to do so are two different animals. Before you know it, Friday happy hour turns into Sunday brunch and you haven't made it to the grocery store, let alone the Meyerson Symphony Hall.

Dallas has some of the world's best performing arts venues (not to mention some crazy talented and hard working musicians) and, like any genre, classical music is best served live. The fall concert season is gearing up and there are a lot of great performances that are not to be missed. Here are my top ten picks for the next few months.

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This vintage lucite table lighter is one of many lucites items for sale at Lula B's West.

Whether on the prowl for Mad Men inspired mid-century decor, or something more Victorian, Dallas' antique stores have got it covered. Below is a list of five of our favorite antique stores in town, each heaping with vintage treasures and worth taking a browse through.

Dolly Python (1916 N. Haskell): Dolly Python is not your average antique store. The 3,800 square foot warehouse space located on one-way Haskell is home to some of Dallas' most unique treasures. Owner Gretchen Bell opened the space in 2005 and has since hand selected a large collection of women's and men's clothes ranging from the 1940s through the 1980s. There are also more than 20 antique dealers who rent out space in the warehouse, and sell everything ranging from cameras and jewelry to art and furniture.

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And I just got my first period during homeroom.

There is no amount of money that could make me want to go back to high school. In some ways it was like being in a pimply, angst-ridden foxhole: endless hours of insufferable, hormone-riddled boredom punctuated by brief spells of piss-your-pants terror.

But DISD has just upped the ante with a scheme that has sent us starving artist and broke journalist types plotting a Never Been Kissed "research" type scenario. The Advocate reports that students who -- get this -- merely show up for the first day of school this year will have their names placed in a drawing for a chance at a $500 debit card.

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againandagain.com

See also: Dallas' Five Best Wig Shops.

Ah, furniture shopping. Whether you're adding pieces to your home or starting over with a clean slate, it can be hard to know where to start (once you move from Pinterest to real-life shopping, that is). And like most every other category, there is no lack of options when it comes to furniture stores in Dallas. So let us help you. Here are our five favorite furniture stores -- presented in no particular order -- so that you can feel free to arrange and rearrange to your heart's content.

Again & Again (141 Howell St
)
If custom remaking is your thing, Again & Again is your place. Newly relocated from a small house on Henderson to a larger space in the Dallas Design District, Again & Again, owned by Leslie Pritchard, features old things made new again. Sometimes a new coat of lacquer or new upholstery makes a classic just perfect for a new home. Hit up Again & Again's inventory page, Pinterest page or Facebook page, or subscribe to their email list for the latest discoveries just waiting for a little bit of love from Pritchard's team.

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www.monkees.net

See also: Dallas' Seven Best Post-Theater Hangouts

Addison's WaterTower Theatre has just opened its production of the jukebox musical Smokey Joe's Café, celebrating the many rock and roll hits of composing team Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. The show was one of the first big Broadway jukebox revues to be a hit with audiences even though there's no script, no dialogue, no storyline to tie the tunes together the way Mamma Mia! does with all the ABBA songs. The Smokey cast just sings: "Jailhouse Rock," "Hound Dog," "I (Who Have Nothing)," "Spanish Harlem" and 35 more.

Which got us thinking: Which composers, performers and musical genres have not yet been exploited in a jukebox musical? These five came to mind. Get on it, somebody-who-produces-shows.

The Monkees
Hey, hey, it's a great idea: A show chronicling the creation of the Fake Fab Four and how they became TV and pop music phenoms.

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The cast of Avenue Q likes to hang at Christie's Sports Bar in Uptown.

See also: Our five favorite local wig shops.

They don't have a Joe Allen or a Sardi's to repair to after an evening of theater. So where do Dallas actors gather to unwind when the curtain rings down? We asked some busy local thesps and they told us.

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