Stephen Masker What an asshole. Get it? Because asshole? Yeah, you get it. Asshole.
This Saturday, more than 125,000 people will stuff themselves into Greenville Avenue's taint to celebrate St. Patrick's Day exactly as one would in Ireland: with a beads parade, corn dogs and green beer. At 11 a.m., the 35th Greenville Avenue St. Patrick's Day Parade will puke all-green-errything upon Blackwell Street and Greenville Avenue. You'll be there. Because it will be amazing. And in an effort to make your St. Patrick's-ing the most fun that it could possibly be, here's a list of people you should avoid while you're there.
1) Your Wasted Coworkers
Stephen Masker So many regrettable stories. Hanging out with your coworkers here only ends in bad.
If you're doing this parade right, your brain's only recollection of your time here will be a 30-second Ken Burns-style photo slideshow of regrets. For this reason, you should never attend this parade with coworkers. If you happen to see coworkers in the crowd, hide from them behind someone's giant green cowboy hat.