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Last year you took your mom out to brunch on Mother's Day. You did that the year before, too. In fact, everybody does that, every year. And while brunching is undeniably one of life's best things, brunching on Mother's Day is one of its worst. So many moms, so many weak mimosas, so few tables.

Luckily, there are plenty of non-brunch mom-day options in Dallas. Here are five of our favorites:

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Jamie Laughlin

Somehow I don't think our Irish ancestors thought the Feast of St. Patrick's Day would include Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos.

You may be taking time off work for New Year's Eve, but law enforcement isn't. It's an all-hands-on-deck weekend for troopers, says Department of Public Safety spokesman Lonny Haschel, with a focused patrol specifically looking for intoxicated drivers.

See Also: Here are Some Numbers and Websites to Help Keep Your Drunk Ass Off the Road

We asked Mimi Coffey, David Burrows, George Milner III and Deandra Grant, local attorneys who specialize in DWI defense, how to avoid a DWI charge. About the only thing they agreed on was that the surest way to avoid a DWI arrest is to not drive. Burrows says it's such a charged issue that he'd never advise anyone to drive after drinking, while Coffey equates Mothers Against Drunk Driving-fueled drunken driving hysteria and the juked, inflated alcohol-related traffic fatality numbers to a modern-day witch hunt, a profit industry that destroys the lives of social drinkers, and Grant calls DWI law an "exception" to Constitutional protection from unreasonable searches.

Either way, if you see flashing lights on your way home, keep these suggestions in mind.

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Some friends of Mixmaster sent in this photo of their baby posing with Santa at the Galleria. Clearly this peanut isn't quite sure of what to make of the old dude in the furry red suit.

And really, can you blame him?

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Should be easy and fun. But, now, parents are making it into work. Dammit, parents.

In The Parent Crap, Alice Laussade chronicles life as a mom in Dallas. Worried you're screwing up your kid? Tweet questions to @thecheapbastard and she'll confirm that, yes, you're screwing up your kid.

It's Christmastime again, and if you have a toddler at home, that means it's also probably Elf On The Shelf time. If you've never heard of Elf On The Shelf, let me explain: It's a dumb thing parents do that can only end in self hate and tears.

Oh sure, Elf On The Shelf seemed like a cute idea when you bought one for your house. "We'll set him out every night, tell the kid he reports back to Santa so they'd better not be assholes, and it'll be like we've got a Christmas watchdog right in our house. Hell yeah."

But apparently, these days, simply putting the elf out on the shelf is not enough.

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Over the weekend, area cats, dogs, birds, reptiles, rodents and horses flocked, mostly chaperoned, to the Automobile Building in Fair Park for the Holiday Pet Expo. We were there to capture the adorable chaos, and have put together a list of some of our favorite critters. You can view the full slideshow here.

See also: The Vintagemobile Guy is Selling 3,000 Christmas Sweaters, Has Amazing Commercial to Prove It

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Photo courtesy of the Holiday Pet Expo

Tomorrow, area ankle biters, on two legs or four (including dogs, cats, rodents, birds, reptiles, and children), can get their photo taken with Santa at the Holiday Pet Expo in Fair Park. The event includes a ton of retailers, an obstacle course for dogs, costume and talent contests, pet adoptions and most importantly, candid photos with Kriss Kringle. It's free and will take place from 10 a.m. until 6 p.m. at the Automobile Building in Fair Park.

Also, before dressing your fur-child up in his holiday best, make sure to check out the expo's rules as listed on the press release:

• Your pet must be current on all shots or you should plan to have your pet's immunizations updated at the event (the immunization requirement only applies to dogs, cats and ferrets).

• Dogs must be on a fixed lead or a locked retractable lead, no longer than 6 feet, at all times.

• No female pets in heat can attend.

• You'll be required to sign a pet waiver at the entrance, but you can avoid waiting in line by visiting the Holiday Pet Expo website.

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Catherine Downes

Jeremy Turner, owner of the mobile vintage store The Vintagemobile, has a little side project going this Christmas season: selling 3,000 Christmas sweaters. He's been collecting the festive garments since last January, and now it's time to spread the itchy holiday cheer.

"I started selling Christmas sweaters on The Vintagemobile last Christmas, and when I saw how popular they were I planned on doing it bigger the next year," he says. "I wanted to try and sell thousands and pictured selling ones that I would light up too."

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Parent Crap's Alice Laussade is off this week, tending to her beloved Meat Fight. Joe Tone, who became a parent earlier this year, fills in.

The house was dark. Most of the street was by then. Porch lights, living-room lights, kitchen lights -- every watt visible from the sidewalk was dead, a message of discouragement to the wayward princesses and zombies and superheros still out there, lurking, hoping against hope for a pillow-case top-off.

They were out there. Of course they were. It was hardly past eight o'clock. The rings and knocks had mostly stopped, but occasionally a stray burst filled the house, like the final heartbeats of a popcorn bag. I ignored them. Tried to, anyway.

I was upstairs, in the bathroom. Mine was the only light on in the house. Ostensibly I was there to give my son a bath, but he'd been sitting there for a good five minutes and not a drop of soap had graced his perfect skin. I was distracted. I couldn't stop replaying the night in my head, ticking off the things I could have done better. I was a rookie, sure -- my first Halloween in a proper house, as a Dad, the weight of the trick-or-treating world on my shoulders. But still: How did I screw it up this badly?

Let's go to the tape.

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Your local Nordstrom's makeup counter should be able to help.

Ah, Halloween. The holiday in which we celebrate the one night a year when it's not a huge red flag to see someone walking around drunk in blood-splattered clothes. Running low on costume ideas, or just wanna wear your snark on your sleeve? We're here to help, with some locally inspired costume ideas sure be a hit at your party or the office.

See also:
- Dallas' 20 Best Halloween Events And Parties

Ladies, please note: These costumes are all unisex. Just follow the instruction, exclude the pants, cut a hole somewhere near the center of the shirt, and tell everyone you're "Slutty (fill in the blank)." No one will know the difference.

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