Sorry Schutze, and happy Tuesday to Alice and everyone else. Our favorite freaky-faced guardian of on-tap root beer, Big Tex, is under the knife. And according to this just released video from the State Fair, his face will stay creepy and long-nosed.

Sigh, that's the Tex we know and love.

Take one minute out of your life to see for yourself. The music is terrible, so mute it and play the one I posted below the video instead.

A cornerstone segment of the David Letterman show, Stupid Pet Tricks serves as a reminder of precisely how lazy your own pup is. He does not dance in a tutu, operate a blender or ride a skateboard. But what if he did?

On Saturday, animal talent scouts will be at Frank Kent Hyundai in Fort Worth, assessing and judging the quality of weird crap that area pets can sorta do. That means you've got less than a week to teach him one oddball skill to set him above the pack -- totally doable, assuming that your cat, dog, bird or ferret cares as much about being on television as you do.

If you have a fame-driven fur child, stage mom it up between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. this Saturday. (Until they're assessed, each animal must remain on leash, caged or kenneled -- otherwise "audition" quickly converts into "a food chain set loose at an off-model car dealership.")

All tricks must be "safe, unique and fun" and owners must provide whatever props or tools are required to achieve them. For more information, go here.

By James Edward Photography

The home on Van Dyke

Other children played house. You dreamt of comfort and stillness: lounging on a white, leather shag rug beside a Danish modern boomerang coffee table. Your focal point? The snapping wood in the Malm fireplace, which gently piped controlled warmth through your futuristic ski lodge residence. Art, expressed through multitude temperatures of tones and juxtaposed shapes, surrounded you. There, natural light poured in from all angles -- an amazing feat, considering your home was built into the side of a rocky ledge.

Because you didn't settle for a mundane fantasy life then, you shouldn't now. For you, the mid-century modern architecture junkie, there is the Dallas Modern Home Tour.

It's happening this Saturday, March 2nd and it's your chance to see some of the city's nicest nesting-based design. (Don't forget to scope out the yards -- most showcase water conserving landscapes and native plants.)

Tuck away your copies of Dwell, shut down Apartment Therapy and take a voyeur's holiday. Get passes here. Feeling lucky? We're doing a ticket giveaway on Mixmaster. And now, let's do a visual breaking and entering.

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Soon enough the trees will be replaced with something more useful.

Over on our news blog, we reported today that the folks behind Kylde Warren Park -- the downtown "deck park" that's already cluttered by a stage, ping-ping, a dog run, foosball, a reading room, a playground, a track, some weird overhangs, food trucks and some other stuff I'm probably forgetting -- are planning to install a synthetic ice rink.

We went with a straightforward headline: "Yes, Klyde Warren Park May Get an Ice Rink." Here are the headlines I wanted to write:

- Dallas Already Bored With Klyde Warren Park, Plans to Cram in an Ice Rink

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The State Fair of Texas, scheduled for September 27 to October 20, has just announced its 2013 theme will be The One & Only, to coincide with the phoenix-like resurrection of our corn dog guardian, Big Tex.

They've promised that the 52-foot tall host will return refreshed and accompanied by appropriately grandiose fanfare, although no specifics have been stated just yet. (We hope he'll still be a little creepy in the face; we like our Tex weird.)

Here's the entire press release:

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All photos by Justin Terveen

You all know Justin Terveen. If you don't, he's the indefatigable photographer who has turned Dallas' skyline into an iridescent beauty on many, many occasions. This morning, we shot Justin a line to send us over his favorite shots of from 2012. I won't muck this up any more with words that won't match the glowing power of the shots. Enjoy, and check out more of Justin's inspired work here.

See also: The Night Lights of Dallas

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"Almost 4,000 students, faculty and staff participated in this historic, one-take video, showcasing the gifts and spirit of Martin High School in Arlington, Texas."

So says the YouTube description. But it's right there. See for yourself.

H/T Dallas Reddit.

Brace yo' selves. It's time for that wonderful convergence on our Fair City-- the one we used to call the Red River Shootout, but now in gentler times we hail as the impending Red River Rivalry. It will clog our highways with Oklahomans, Austinites and respective alums from far and wide for three days of power drinking. All you can do is embrace it, and the best way to do that is to hunker down at a great party, shake your fist in the air and abuse the short-lived run of booze specials. Texas? Oklahoma? We don't judge. Here's a party list that will let you don your burnt orange or crimson and cream. (Go ahead and click the event titles for more information.)

See also: The Best Food (and Drink) Events of the Week: Oct 11 - 17

Thursday
Texas-Oklahoma Red River Barbecue Shoot Out: Pitmasters from both sides of the state line rev up their grills for a smokin' good time. Check out the competition as Cliff Payne (2011 Event Champion) from Cousin's in Fort Worth battles Lance Kirkpatrick (Stiles Switch BBQ & Brew, Austin), Kelly Duncan (Big Daddy's in Lavon), Rev. Jeremiah McKenzie (Baby J's BBQ & Fish, Palestine, TX), Robby Corcoran (Burn Co. BBQ, Tulsa, OK), Terel McNac (Steve's Ribs, Edmond, OK), Russ Garrett (Coach's in Oklahoma City) and Bill Ritter (Mud Creek BBQ, Ringling, OK). Live music, barbecue for everyone, and plenty of drinks for purchase. It's a two day party, picking up again on Friday, October 12 at 5:30 p.m. at Main Street Garden Park (1901 Main Street).

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Yesterday we said farewell to the Texas Chute Out, a mild mannered attraction that's been at Six Flags since 1976. It went out with a glorious bang: the implosion's force was so strong it rattled our cameraman in his chest. Here's the video by Mike Mezeul. And yes, I would love it if you set this to heavy metal.

Farewell, old friend!

It was a wholesome ride, but the Texas Chute Out just didn't have the bells and whistles of those newfangled, fancier attractions. And so, the 225 foot tall mainstay closed on September 3, after 34 years of loyal service.

But what do you do with non-traveling structure of such a stature? Well, Six Flags is going to blow 'er up.

Or rather, in.

The implosion is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon (Wednesday, October 10), but exact times and other details are not being made public. If you have a personal day floating around, you can go watch it topple. Texas Chute Out will be replaced by a swing ride called Texas SkyScreamer, which is scheduled to open next year.