Let's Take a Minute to Objectify the Men of FC Dallas

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FC Dallas

When March Madness arrived this year, I needed a refresher course on how to fill in a bracket. Last Fall, local radio DJ Paul Slavens gave me my first lesson on Fantasy Football. It would be fair to say I don't know much about sports. But I'm learning. Today, for example, I took a course in the who's who of our local soccer team, FC Dallas. From the looks of it, this is my kind of sport.

Anthony Chiang

Forward Blas Pérez
With 23 goals in just three years on the team, I'm guessing this forward's motto is "score easy, score often."


Defender George John
You play defense? On my college intramural team, I played defense. A graduate of the University of Washington and number 14, John fills his spare time with Greek dancing. Opa!

Anthony Chiang

Midfielder Je-Vaughn Watson
Watson came to us from Jamaica through Houston and has been playing soccer since the young age of 8 years old. And thank God, he brought his style with him. Where can we get a pair of those pants?

Anthony Chiang

Defender Zach Loyd
Wearing the number 17 on the field, Loyd has been on the team since 2010. And even though he hovers at the back of the field defending the home net, he's managed to score three goals. He was born in 1987 to a family of three boys, all of whom play soccer, and hopefully have that steamy glare.

Anthony Chiang
How you doing?

Midfielder Kevin Acosta
All right, this one's borderline creepy of me, because Acosta is only 18. But you have to admit he keeps the FC Dallas midfield stylish.

Thumbnail image for LSKeel.jpg
Anthony Chiang
That hair though.

Defender Stephen Keel
To stop the opponent's offense, Keel just swishes his hair.

Anthony Chiang

Does anybody else remember the golden years of the Dallas Sidekicks when they had the scoring machine, Tatu? I bring that up because Michel also has just one name and is much better looking than the Tatu I met as a child soccer player.

See all the pics at fcdallas.com.

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You know the Observer is bad when their token woman can't even objectify guys properly.  

Gurl, if you wanna do it right, get a gay guy.

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