Seven Ways Sex and the City Would've Been Different in Dallas

Carrie_Bradshaw_opening_credits.jpg
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Sarah Jessica Parker will be in Dallas on March 9 to promote her shoe line and probably make Nordstrom's in NorthPark a giant nightmare of starstruck women of all ages. The department store won't be safe to go near for an entire afternoon.
SJP is best known as her New York-based character Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. To celebrate her upcoming arrival, here are seven ways the HBO series would have been different if it was set in Dallas.

No smoking
Besides covering up her affair with Mr. Big, Carrie also had to sneak around Aiden to smoke a cigarette. We could always count on her lighting one up to ease the tension of dating, working and shopping in the Big Apple. But no ma'am, not in Dallas circa 2014. Ever since the ban on cigarettes, Carrie would be forced to turn on an e-cigarette -- a far less sophisticated version of smoking. And without having to lend out matches or lights, she would have never met Vince Vaughn's character at that one party in that one episode. What do you mean you don't remember the episode where she met a man? Don't worry, I found it on Youtube.

Dallas Cowboys
There would be no lazy Sundays spent writing your rhetorical question-filled column, Carrie. You better believe one of your many men would be at your apartment watching the Dallas Cowboys win. Who am I kidding? I mean lose. And it doesn't matter if football isn't your thing. You live in a football-obsessed town, meaning you have to put a smile on your face, drink a Shiner Bock and pretend to know what position Tony Romo plays.

Driving
Remember that one episode they went to California to meet Matthew McConaughey about a movie deal and Carrie couldn't drive? Yeah, she wouldn't survive in Dallas. DART only goes about six places. Carrie would need to invest in a vehicle and not wait around for the perfectly timed Mr. Big to show up with his personal driver and lend Carrie a ride.

That politician would not be single
Watching all the horrible candidates' commercials during the midst of election season, I gather that none of the candidates are single. In fact, one candidate even left me a voice mail of his kid telling me to vote for him. It reminds me of that time Carrie had a fling with politician Bill Kelley. That would be less than likely in Dallas because most Texan candidates are married with kids. So, Carrie, if the politician's salt and pepper hair proves too tempting, then you would have to deal with having an affair with a married man -- although that is something not that foreign to you.

Lake house
Forget a weekend trip to the Hamptons, and think about some downtime at a house near Cedar Creek Lake. Some weekends, the richy rich Dallasites like to escape the city life and head to their own private lake houses to relax, cool off, and forget about the workweek. There's a chance Carrie would have still met that one hairy-chested monster and Charlotte could have still lied about her age, but would a Dallas gal ever really wear that crappy straw cowboy hat?

Margaritas instead of cosmos
Frozen or on the rocks would be added to the dozens of tough dilemmas the single gal faces. Carrie wouldn't be seen enjoying her Dallas Sunday-Funday at Mi Cocina without some chips and queso and a margarita. Forget the cosmos in a martini glass and trade it for a salt-rimmed half-pitcher.

Klyde Warren Park instead of Central Park
Less scenes would revolve around training for a marathon in a public park because unlike New York, there are approximately two days out of the year in Dallas where it's acceptable running weather. Maybe Miranda would have made a love connection at Klyde Warren Park, only to quickly escape to Wild about Harry's to scarf down some frozen custard and forget about the 110-degree weather.


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2 comments
JustTheFacts
JustTheFacts

meh

Swim in ocean or dirty "lake" water?

stay out till whenever vs. 1am?

get a ride whenever, wherever vs. drunk driving?

central park vs. thankfully, now, something?

fun politicians vs. whacked out white dudes?

sports? (as carrie) who cares? ha!

J_A_
J_A_

Basically, 7 reasons why Sex In The City would've sucked in Dallas.

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