10 Good Things That Came Out of Icepocalypse '13

Categories: Lists

Don't let the haters get you down, Cleon. Some of us loved you, baby. Here's why:

1. Price is Right
One whole hour of the Cliffhanger, PLINKO and debating who's creepier -- thin Drew
Carey or everyday Lara Flynn Boyle.


2. Wearing Coats
Remember those?


3. Watching Others Bite It
Screw baseball, this is really America's pastime. Bonus points for tears.


4. Ice Scrapers
You lug the damn thing around in your car all year and finally, finally you got to use it. Yeah, lug. It takes up what, like 6 cubic inches?


5. Cabin Fever Dance Party
Fire up the Jawbone and let's do this fucking thing. Who can resist pretend back-up
dancing for B. Spears?

6. Being Productive
Just kidding. That's for suckers.


7. "I'm iced in."
Getting out of every single undesirable invite. Think of the hundreds who were saved from weddings.

8. Peeing Your Name in Ice
Don't act like it's not a lifelong dream ... ladies.


9. Selfies

Being holed up is the perfect time to work on this bullshit: The 25 Worst Cases of Duckface.

10. Snuggies and Adult Onesies
You live in Dallas. Icepocolypse was the one and only time you don't look like a knob for owning either of these.

OK, maybe you do look like a knob.

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>>Watching Others Bite It
>>Screw baseball, this is really America's pastime.

Was way more entertaining than watching the mega-millionaire Cowboys fail


The Icecopolypse of 2013 is nothing compared to the prank a neighbor and I pulled on a particularly nosy woman in our complex in 1986.  Honestly, I couldn't even make out with a girlfriend in the car without seeing Carolyn's venetian blinds flick open as "the sex monitor" checked for "inappropriate behavior" even if it was three in the morning.

When eight inches of snow fell that night, my neighbor and I fashioned an immortal sculpture: a giant snow penis complete with testicles and minute details stretched from her car's hood right up the windshield.  We had to go into his apartment even to laugh because any noise would bring Carolyn out to perform her "one woman security patrol".  Be afraid, America, be very afraid! 

The next morning, I awoke to furious knocks on my door.  My neighbor hissed, "Gordon!  Look what Carolyn's doing!" 

Carolyn was beating the holy hell out of the now-frozen "snow dick" with a broom. 

After calling another buddy to tell him about it, he brought no less than eight carloads to the parking lot simply to view the ponderous display. 

Then it melted and slid off the car.  Thirty years later, we're still laughing.  


Wow the duck face isn't so bad if it's in 1 of 25 pics but 25 of 25 pics made me realize how much scrunched up lips look like a butt....hole.

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