Ho Ho No, The Holidays Are Great, But These 10 Traditions Aren't
We're 12 years into the 21st century and still doing holiday things that would make the 1990s shudder. Here's a list of things we, as a nation, need to knock the eff off.
1. Car Antlers
Let's go ahead an toss car wreaths and humorous Santa body parts in the radiator grill in here too. Here's a hint: Don't buy you holiday decorations at the same car wash that sold you those truck nuts.
Cheesy Christmas music on the elevator at work. Cheesy Christmas jingles in ads on the radio driving from work. Cheesy Christmas music in the store in the PA where I'm buying a 12-pack. Back in car to home. More jingles. Turn on TV, more cheese. Yeah, come to my door and sing. I dare you.
6. Looking at Lights
If I want to drive extremely slowly and look at long lines of twinkling lights, I'll just head down the tollway, thanks.
8. Office Secret Santa
You know you're just going to get the weirdo that knitted you a stuffed animal out of human hair.
10. White Elephant Gift Parties
Just give a single match and a five-dollar bill because that's pretty much what's happening here.