To the Angry, Aggressive Driver Leaving Book of Mormon on Saturday: You Missed the Point

Categories: Theater

mormon_winspear.jpg
Joan Marcus, courtesy of AT&T Performing Arts Center
"I thought the warlord was a very relatable character," Audi Man probably said while he cut off the world.
The Winspear Opera House's underground parking can be a mess, but it doesn't exactly sneak up on you. From the moment you pull your car in for a big performance, you're reminded, Oh yeah, this is three-act: Two acts in the theater, one in the garage. It's maddening, but you just saw a Tony-gobbling Broadway show. Are you really going bitch?

Yes, apparently. One of you, anyway.

See also: At the Winspear, a Perfect Book of Mormon Converts Another Cynic

My laugh-abs were still sore Saturday night when I pulled my not-Lexus out of its spot in the Lexus Red underground parking. In front of me was shiny black Audi; in front of it, a BMW SUV. In front of both of them was a long, not-moving line that snaked left and right and merged with two more lines of traffic before reaching the first of two ramps we needed to climb before we could race home to binge on Book of Mormon reviews and low-calorie desserts that aren't as low-calorie when you eat two of them.

It's going to be a while, everyone said.

NOT FOR ME I'M SPECIAL, Audi Man replied.

And so, there went Audi Man, speeding around the BMW and sticking the nose of his car into the next lane. At one point the BMW's passenger, a man, got out of his car and approached Audi Man, and we all thought, Hey this third act's really heating up. It ended without blows, and we assumed Audi Man had learned his lesson.

After all, he'd just seen a show whose underlying message is to be good to each other, to do good works in the name of just doing them, to not judge each other on the implausibility of our religious backstories or the douchiness of our window tinting. It was not, Audi Man, about how silly those silly Mormons are, although judging by the way you shoved your car into the next lane, intentionally keeping that Honda from inching out of its spot, I suspect this might have been your takeaway. I suspect you shoved your car into the church parking lot the next day and told all your friends about how you SHUT THE FUCK DOWN that Honda after a show about those GOOFY FUCKING MORMONS, right before amen-ing a story about a guy known for cursing fig trees and making food multiply like Gremlins.

Yeah, Audi Man, I think you missed the point. But hey: You got out of that garage in a record 26 minutes. Congrats.

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17 comments
kduble
kduble

You guys spend 26 minutes getting out of a parking garage? Why not take DART to Pearl/Arts District Station. After the show, you'll get to have conversations with some of the cast and musicians while waiting at the platform

If 26 minutes is indicative of how much time you spend exiting underground parking, then you might even save time and you won't have to tip anyone.Seriously! What's the point of going to the Dallas Arts District if you're going to live like people in Forney?

Gabriel Solis
Gabriel Solis

predrinks @ Andrews Liquor across from the lot

casiepierce
casiepierce

Typical Dallas douche. Audi man has season tickets and doesn't care a whit about culture and shit.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Welcome to the Dallas theater scene where folks show up late (find your seat with drink in hand just as the show starts) and leave early (as soon as the final scene ends before that tacky applause starts).   

Linda Coleman
Linda Coleman

We parked at a meter and it only cost $1.00. It was a few blocks away, but well worth the walk to avoid the parking garage.

mirelesmichelle
mirelesmichelle

park at one arts plaza self pay parking lot for $5 or if you valet there its $5(if you dine at one of the restaurants pre show they validate it. its 1 minute walking or there is a shuttle that drops you off.   www.oneartsplaza.com

mirelesmichelle
mirelesmichelle

you can park at one arts plaza parking lot for $5 its less than 1 minute walking. you can also valet  there for $5 if you dine at one of the restaurants and they validate it. 

J_A_
J_A_

I use to park in the Arts District garage for work and I sure do miss it now. Wide lanes, wide parking spots multiple exits. You should see the fckers in my garage now, and BMW drivers are still the worst.

heykaren2
heykaren2

I think the underground parking at Winspear is the EASIEST parking lot to get out of after a show in all of Dallas and Fort Worth. Very organized with tons of attendants and police to get out and on your way.  

He's drives an Audi and he's a man so that automatically makes him a big, fat doooosh.

Don Palmer
Don Palmer

I think he went back for an encore performance Sunday night same incidents were occurring in the Red garage...lol

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

i park in the Arts district garage everyday, and trust me, the douche car factor carries over to the weekday worker too

Jimmy Wright
Jimmy Wright

haha I didn't say they were assholes I said drive like ones :)

David Burrows
David Burrows

I stay far away from the 3rd act. I now park in that lot next to One Arts where you have to stand in line, punch in your parking space number, insert a CC, and finally take the printed ticket back to your car's dashboard. Yeah, that's actually more enjoyable than dealing with Audi Mann.

Jenny Renee Walker
Jenny Renee Walker

There are like five people at your current place of employment that drive said cars...

Jimmy Wright
Jimmy Wright

I have noticed that everyone that drives a black audi drives like an asshole

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