Plastic Bag Ban: Don't Be a Douche About it, Dallas

Categories: Alice Column

bag.jpg
It's like beauty or truth or life or something. It's, like, metaphorical.
Dallas is talking about a ban on disposable plastic shopping bags. And I'm all for it. Because plastic bags are lazy. They break right when you need them. They refuse to hold as much as a paper bag. They make your cool bathroom trash can look dumb. They float around the city instead of getting jobs.

True fact: The only thing plastic bags are really good at is suffocating people. Useful, sure, but sadly often against the law.

But, I know you're freaking out because you're wondering what on earth you'll do if plastic bags are actually banned here. You're obviously too much of a wuss to carry your own purchases with your hands. So, that option is immediately out.

I guess you could start bringing your own bag to the grocery store to carry your groceries. You say that's crazy. Remembering to bring a purse everywhere is already super hard enough. There's no effing way you could also remember to shove a grocery bag in that. And if you carry a tiny purse, or no purse at all, what the hell are you supposed to do? Bring bags in the back of your Benz? Are you kidding? That's such a monumental ass pain, not to mention it probably immediately terminates the lease agreement. Plus, farm fresh eggs have gotten used to coming home with you in their own separate bag. What are you supposed to tell them? "Sorry, guys. Times are tough and you're going to have to hang out at the top of the reusable bag now, with the tomatoes." It's all so hard to imagine.

I didn't say this would be easy. If this ban passes, it will have a huge impact on your lifestyle. When we go on a Target run, we might be forced to carry a whole gallon of milk by its handle. When we go to CVS, our bags for douches, or "douche bags," will have to be reusable douche bags. No more single-use douche bags.

For what, you ask? For the "environment?" It's possible, you will surely argue, that there's nothing more friendly to the environment than a random, floating plastic bag. A floating plastic bag says, "Hey, environment! I love you!" A floating trash bag was nice enough to get American Beauty an Oscar. Dirty plastic bags have done more to decorate the streets of the downtown and front-yard environments of Dallas than any reusable bag has ever done.

You'll say, "We're not Austin." And I absolutely agree. When I was in Austin recently, after their plastic bag ban had passed, I saw those hippies carrying Whole Earth cloth bags into the grocery store. That crap should never happen here. Not when everyone here has closets full of Louis Vuitton luggage just waiting to be rolled into the grocery store.

Let's rock this plastic bag ban, Dallas. It's time to fill your Fendi with Froot Loops.

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50 comments
barrbo
barrbo

I live in Austin...the ban sucks.  Hope Dallas adopts the law.  I'm sure miss alice will just love the law.  Only people that love it are dumb ass PC devotees .First comment also great  "we lived without plastic  bags before, we can do it again"  Hey,  we live without that thing call refrigerated air. We can do it again.  It would be better for the environment.  I hoped Dallas was not as stupid as Austin.





Activist Abby
Activist Abby

It wasn't that long ago that the world lived without plastic bags! We can surely do it again.

Jill Jaffe
Jill Jaffe

Prerer my reusable plastic bags I bought at sprouts. They're stronger and last longer and I get $.05 off my bill for every bag I use. I do like having the option of plastic bags though because I have a cat that I need to scoop the litter into.

hisraelgonzalez
hisraelgonzalez

Is this an actual ban or is the city colluding with big retail and implementing an "environmental fee" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) to fill the city coffers?

I'm sure the retailers don't mind since they get their cut of the fee not to mention sales of their reusable bags emblazoned with their respective chain logo.

I live in Brownsville and with "bag ban" in place for a couple of years now the city  is as dirty as it's always been (people would rather shell out a dollar every time they visit their grocer than bring their own) as are the commissioners, albeit a bit richer and with no disclosure as to where the money has gone...  

Cindy Freeling
Cindy Freeling

Brownsville was the 1st city in Texas to enact a plastic bag ban back in January of 2011.Brownsville,you say?I know,right? Apparently,according to some polls I've seen,most people,even those that were opposed to it initially, have said they don't mind it now and that the city does look a lot cleaner.

Omar Jimenez
Omar Jimenez

So is soap and oil, but have we banned them? I find it ironic that you don't believe in the nanny state but support the ban. Can't have it both ways.

Charles Omana
Charles Omana

Go ahead and ban the plastic bags. But paper bags aren't any better for the environment unless they are 100% recycled and then recycled after their use to be made into more paper. Reusable shopping bags are fine. But I'd be likely to forget taking them back to my car. I have one I bought at the Grande Epicerie in Paris and I keep forgetting to put it in my car.

Tina Camille Higgins
Tina Camille Higgins

yea I didn't like Aldi, sometimes cheaper prices aren't always better, stuff doesn't taste right either. I'll stick to fighting the masses at walmart with my price matching and coupons lol

Carlos Alejandro Guajardo-Molina
Carlos Alejandro Guajardo-Molina

What's interesting about Aldi is that everything they sell seems to be wrapped in plastic. Even the "fresh" produce is heavily waxed and cellophaned.

Allissa Stephens
Allissa Stephens

Austin already passed this ban. It's coming. Next will be water bottles. They are filling up landfills like crazy!

rachelduran
rachelduran

Bans always cause more problems. I hope Dallas is ready to deal with the rise in gang activity when the plastic bag black market gets its momentum going. Competition will arise over parking lot territory and bag quality. Shootouts will ensue. Do we want that blood on our hands? Think of the children!

pak152
pak152

sorry ain't buyin' what you're sellin'

Britt Tucker
Britt Tucker

been doing it for years. always feel a little shitty when i forget mine. i think the biggest impact will be from convenience stores. they put a pack of gum in a bag. I have to constantly say "no bag" when i pick up anything from the local 7-11.

Jaibird13
Jaibird13

I pretty much always bring my own bags to the grocery store. I like the ones from Sprouts. I also use plastic grocery bags for various things too though. I don't care if my bathroom wastebasket doesn't look cool because, well, it's a trashcan. They're also great backup for when you run out of poop bags, and I always keep a couple in the car for leaky things. They're great auto trash bags too. 

I'm not saying that the ban is a bad idea, I'm just saying that t-shirt bags are very handy. 

I hate to admit it, but even the ones that jerks let fly around the neighborhood have saved me a couple of times when I thought I had more than one bag on the roll before taking the dogs out. 

Tina Camille Higgins
Tina Camille Higgins

i use the plastic bags for trash bags in my bathroom lol, why pay for small bags when you get them from stores ;) And if that does go into effect here and by here i mean up by the red river/oklahoma it would be just like how they are in Austin, reusable shopping bags everywhere lol

Jean Christensen
Jean Christensen

Whole Foods reusable bags are great. Flip and Tumble makes a reusable bag - rolls up compact to toss into your purse. I went plastic bag free 4 years ago - you only forget the bags in the car once or twice - was an easy habit to get into. It's not enough to recycle - we need to reduce and reuse.

White_Jesus
White_Jesus

Does Austin allow mexicans ? Because the beaners ain't big on the environment and they ain't going for this . When they go to walmart with their 12 wild ass baby beaners they want their sugary cereals and cokes for every meal in plastic bags , mang.

Ambelleina Warwillow
Ambelleina Warwillow

They all have them, but don't advertise it. They want you to bring your own bags. I go to a few different ones regularly and if I ever forget my bags, I just take the boxes laying around that the products are shipped in. I wonder what creative alternative other stores would give their customers if this goes into effect.

Rebeca Perez
Rebeca Perez

I think this is great! I moved from Dallas to Austin & LOVE the bag ban here! You think it will be a difficult transition, but it won't. They let you use paper bags or buy your own bag at the grocery store for 10 cents. Or duh, bring your own. It becomes a planet-saving habit for you. This is your way to contribute to the world by being 'green.'; so to speak. They still sell trash bags & doggy bags are still available at all dog parks. The malls still provide their bags in their individual stores, too. There are plenty of bags you can buy that are washable & you can throw them in with your regular laundry (no it won't take up space - it's like the size of a woman's tee). This is sweet!

Tina Camille Higgins
Tina Camille Higgins

well the one in my town told me to bring my own bags, and that's stupid to charge for bags. They said nothing about having them for sale so not every aldi is the same apparently

Ambelleina Warwillow
Ambelleina Warwillow

They most certainly do. They're under the conveyor belts and cost 10 cents. They also have paper bags.

Omar Jimenez
Omar Jimenez

No, the douche part is making everyone go bag less. It should be up to the person if they want to use a reusable bag or not. This is anti-choice and by people who I think A. Dumb Down people that plastic is bad, so they take it away. B. they hate plastic bags period.

Tina Camille Higgins
Tina Camille Higgins

Austin already does it, gotta bring your own recyclable shopping bags when you go shopping, aldi doesn't even have plastic bags in their store, bring your own they say

RockH1
RockH1

Odessa needs to implement the bag ban immediately.  I drove through there a few months ago and that whole region is festooned with plastic bags.  Aren't there any prisons out there to supply cheap bag-picking labor?

TLS1
TLS1

I use my own bags 90% of the time and the only issue has been the grocery store baggers.  They freaking hate packing in non-store bags.  So I will also say I will bag my own groceries.  Only Central Market appreciates that.  But at Kroger I have been literally pushed out of the way when I started bagging but if I hand over my own bags I get that split second look of "fuck this".   I can't win.

EastDallasDad
EastDallasDad

What am I going to use to pick up dog shit? Are there reusable dog shit bags too?

TexMarine
TexMarine

This disenfranchises minority shoppers.

"You'll say, "We're not Austin." And I absolutely agree. When I was in Austin recently, after their plastic bag ban had passed, I saw those hippies carrying Whole Earth cloth bags into the grocery store. That crap should never happen here. Not when everyone here has closets full of Louis Vuitton luggage just waiting to be rolled into the grocery store.

Let's rock this plastic bag ban, Dallas. It's time to fill your Fendi with Froot Loops."

did you go to the east side of 35 for your research? Guess not.

Jaibird13
Jaibird13

@White_Jesus , when you troll, you should make it less obvious that you're trolling. It's more effective that way. :)

barrbo
barrbo

@Rebeca Perez Right!  It will save the planet.  When did you drop out of middle school?  I don't think India or China have banned the bag.  Let's see...oh right their population together is about a million billion.


barrbo
barrbo

@Tina Camille Higgins HEB supper market....25cents a bag.  Wal marts is 10 cent for a paper bag that if you put in more than a pound the bottom will drop out.  That's in Austin.

dsmithy3211
dsmithy3211

@TLS1 According to my bagger at Central Market last weekend, a lot of folks out there don't bother washing their bags and they can get quite nasty. That might explain the "fuck this" look.

travishuse
travishuse

@TexMarine It will even out pretty easily, in a way that benefits Dallas. People will choose to buy only what they can carry, if they're walking. If they're driving, they will use the cart that is provided to take it to their car, still load it up as always, drive it home, and unload it as always.

DMZ3
DMZ3

@TexMarine How does it disenfranchise minority shoppers? You assert this but don't explain how.

White_Jesus
White_Jesus

Much like Neanderthals they are not completely human . They are a sub species that thanks to Catholicism and the Internet will not die off . God help up

TexMarine
TexMarine

@DMZ3 In the same manner that requiring someone to produce identification to vote, requiring someone to 1) posses, 2) predict and 3) procure cloth or recycled bags would disenfranchise those very same people. Of course, I issue the statement in jest; nothing like pushing rich people bullshit on the poor.

White_Jesus
White_Jesus

Beaner would never bring their own bags with their capped teeth and pumps and lace socks . But they are illegal .. Why would they abide by this law?

DMZ3
DMZ3

@TexMarine @DMZ3 What if the city subsidized the cost by distributing cloth bags for free in low-income communities? I live in Austin and that's what the city did here.

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