Five Ideas for Sharknado Follow-Up Films

Categories: Film and TV

sharknado.jpg
What don't you get? It's a tornado of sharks.
Update: We've been asking for your SyFy film suggestions today and I gotta say: I'd greenlight all of these. Check out our favorite reader's ideas for new Sharknado follow-up projects. They're at the bottom.

I love crap. According to trending polls, you do too. Case in point: rip-off monster movie company The Asylum Films, who you know best for making the SyFy blockbusters the Mega Shark series, Two-Headed Shark Attack, Mega Python vs. Gatoroid and most recently, Sharknado, which the rest of you finally broke down and watched last night.

Since Asylum's script writers/managers/actors/sharks are too coked up to design a new project to film this weekend, we came up with some ideas. Here are our five best pitches to Asylum for a triumphant Sharknado follow-up.

Mega Crockatiel
Pitch: On a routine investigation, U.S. safety inspector (Tracey Gold) spots something swimming in the water reserve outside Homestead, Florida's Turkey Point Nuclear Power Plant. It's a creature with brilliant plumage, the ability to fly, and the mouth/appetite/body of a radioactive crocodile.

[Pans out: This is just a baby, she's standing on the head of Mega Crockatiel.]

Snakequake
Pitch: In the wild heart of South Florida, one Everglades forester (Eric Stoltz) fights against the rapidly growing numbers of invasive Burmese pythons. Others scoff at his preservation efforts; he receives very little help from local military and/or gardening community. Then, it happens: the Big Earthquake hits and soon giant, prehistoric snakes rise to the surface. Will local secret drone operations join Stoltz in battling ... SNAKEQUAKE?

Apoctopus
Pitch: Faced with the end of days, New York City Mayor (Soleil Moon Frye) calmly prepares for invasion of apocalyptic horsemen and other noted passages from Revelation. Plot twist: Neptune God has other plans. Soon, a legion of hell-summoning octopi crawl out of the sewers in search of souls and trans fats.

Super Electric Falconasaur
Pitch: During a routine exploration of low-altitude oceanic vents, one diver drops his car keys. "Why'd you bring 'em down here?" gestures Diver Number Two. Now-Keyless Diver Number One responds with a shrug, then flicks him the middle finger.

[Put on 3D glasses now.]

We watch as the keys become lodged between two freakishly large clams, mixed into a garden of ten-foot tube worms. The diver reaches down to fish out his item and ZAP! Super Electric Falconasaur emerges. He has the underwater prowess of an electric eel and the high-flying, prey-seeking skill set of a falcon. But most terrifying of all... he's got family.

Mega Crockatiel vs. Super Electric Falconasaur

Pitch: Both can survive in sea and sky. Each is on a vague, but implied, mission for revenge. Neither can be stopped by bullets!

What will become of mankind?

[Cut to lead character] "We will prevail," says Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton, staring into the horizon. "So long as we find where they're breeding." She tugs at her thigh high boots, unpinches her wedgie and says, "After all, I'm a scientist."

*****
And now, ideas from Observer readers:


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6 comments
Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

"A Preponderance of Artichokes" but with sharks

EdD.
EdD.

Hurricabra sees the mayor (Dean Cain) and his plucky assistant (Mena Suvari) fight to save themselves and their city as Miami is struck by a hurricane full of chupacabra. 

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

How 'bout "Bearricane".

As the oceans of the world warm drastically and the polar ice cap melts in response to mankind's selfish refusal to acknowledge it's own pivotal role in this disaster, a continent-wide hurricane develops, tracks over the arctic circle whisking up all of the remaining (extremely pissed off) polar bears in its insatiable vortex, only to drop them, dizzy, confused, pissed and hungry, onto the unsuspecting residents of Detroit.

(It's a metaphor)

Jamie_L.
Jamie_L.

@EdD. I'm diggin' it. Also, I think terrible films just demand to be set in South Florida.

Jamie_L.
Jamie_L.

@TheCredibleHulk I LOVE it. #topical 

Plus it lends itself nicely to an inevitable gay porn spin-off project, which I support.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@Jamie_L. @TheCredibleHulk 

*chuckle*

Hadn't considered that angle, but now that you mention it . . .

Incidentally, although I didn't see (and probably won't see) Sharknado, I would probably pay to see a film titled "SnakeQuake".

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