10 Freaky, Weird and Possibly Sexy Things To Do on Valentine's Day in Dallas

Categories: Outside

monkeys in love.jpg
Plan now, and get at least this far on Valentine's Day.
Dear Romantics,
I'd like to apologize in advance for this list of amore-rich dating ideas. You see, I'm an overextended writer who forgot what love was ages ago. My heart is actually made of diamond now, and not the naturally-occurring timelapsed compression of carbon that you're most familiar with -- that would have a certain charm to it. Mine is composed of that synthetically produced variety that scientists create in labs.

You know, the really sterile kind.

So when Valentine's Day rolls around, it's possible that I'm not Cupid's Ace Pick to guide you through all of the standard romantic gestures -- Edible Arrangements deliveries and his/her bearskin bathrobes -- but you know what? I'm all you got. And with that, here's ten freaky, weird and possibly sexy ways to get all seductual with your special someone -- or someones, if you roll like that.

1.) Romance Dinner Rodeo --Medieval Times tips its crown to young lovers on Thursday night with an AMAZING date package. For $99 you get a split of champagne and two commemorative glasses (smuggle in gin and you've got French 75s!), a commemorative scroll, a photo, some flags to cheer on your knight (the Green Knight is of questionable valor, I'd ask to be reseated), and TWO TRIPS TO THE DUNGEON!

Seriously, if things have been shaky in your relationship lately, this is the answer. The best way to make a lady feel like a princess is to take her on a date to a GIANT CASTLE. Make a reservation in advance; if last year is any indication, this night will sell out. Use the totally righteous telephone number 1-800-We-Joust.

2.) Race What Your Momma Gave You -- If you guys are rich, or just bonded over that movie Crash, why not up the adrenaline with an expensive car rental? Exotic Driving Experience has a Valentine's Day deal where you can rent one exotic car (Ferrari, Lamborghini, or other vehicles with pasta-like names), and then get a second rental at half-price.

Ladies: Maybe you could wear one of those pleather jumpsuits that zips up the front -- you know, like from the Charlie's Angels movies or those GoDaddy commercials. Dudes: Maybe you can wear one too. Because really, girls just want guys who can make them laugh. These rentals happen on the interior loop of Texas Motor Speedway and they range in price based on which car you pick.

3.) Bottle and a Bucket at Sissy's -- Here's the deal: only crazies want more than champagne and fried chicken for Valentine's Day. If you're dating one of said crazies, just break up with them. Hell, if you're dating someone who even suspects sexier things exist than combining fried chicken and champagne, break up with them.

Congratulations, you're free. See, you want what we all want: someone to share a 10 piece bucket and bottle of Moët with. Sissy's is providing the package deal, which will run you $75 (there are upgrades available, but you don't need them). Just bring someone you want to leave grease prints on later. Make a reservation, or you'll be substituting Amazingest Meal Ever with Chicken House and Ballatore. Call 214-827-9900 or hit up the website.

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