The Game of Girls: A Guy's Guide to Watching the Premiere of Girls with Your Girl
Whether you're anxiously awaiting its arrival in your cable box or you're a decidedly disinterested heterosexual male, Girls season two premieres Sunday night on HBO. Fall into the disinterested category? Allow me to be your guide to making the most out of your lady's (and, like, everyone else's) latest obsession, with a little game of sorts.
The game pieces: You, your girlfriend and the remote.
The prize: The only kind that counts: sexual favors. Or, more likely, eight weeks of being asked, "Do you think I'm more like Hannah or Jessa?"
Ready to play? Here are the moves:
Obtain a copy of the show's official soundtrack and gently insert it into your daily routine. Either your girl will notice and appreciate you've taken an interest in her favorite show, or better yet, she won't and it will seep deep into her psyche and make her love you even more. Either way, the music is pretty awesome, so win-win.
Never comment on the attractiveness of the girls in Girls. Exceptions are as follows: 1. You may remark positively on Hannah ("Her big brain makes her sexy."), or 2. negatively on Marnie's ("Oh her? She's way too skinny.") Collect 10 points.
Remind yourself that actress Allison Williams, who plays Marnie on the show, is news anchor Brian Williams' daughter. Boom. Realize this makes her hotter. Do NOT mention that last part to your girlfriend. Note that this fact makes watching Girls with her a lot more appealing.
Pretend not to notice when your girlfriend becomes giddy in the days leading up to the premier. Don't make a big deal out of it. In fact, you should probably treat your girlfriend just poorly enough to make her almost dump you. Then say one marginally nice thing to her and she will love you forever. This is called "The Adam."
Speaking of Adam, work out a lot and then walk around mostly shirtless. This will help you compete for your girl's attention over the great boyish figure that is Adam. Good luck.
Watch Lena Dunham's short film and read some of her tweets. This way you'll be well-versed in everything Lena prior to watching. Smile and nod in agreement every time your girl calls Dunham a genius. (NOTE: Can also become a drinking game.)
Check out the HBO-curated, user-generated tumblr What Should We Call Girls. It's a hilarious trip down Season One Memory Lane. Send your girlfriend links to this Tumblr periodically to demonstrate that you totally "get" her.
Advanced players only: Suggest to your girl that you conserve water by showering together. Once she's good and sudsy, urinate on her leg, claiming it will make her more like Lena. Laugh hysterically and ignore her horror.
Try to hide the disappointment in your life's accomplishments in comparison to 26-year-old Dunham's. And in the name of your Man Card, try and hide the fact that you are enjoying the series, too.
Congratulate yourself. You are almost getting laid kind of tonight.