Downton Abbey, You Owe Us a Wedding.

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No vows exchanged between Mary and Matthew, but rest assured you'll watch every painful minute of this wedding.
Should we blame a script oversight or shoddy editing for our collective emotional blue balls? It's a question Downton Abbey fans are asking themselves after being left at the alter midway through the season three premiere.

After two years of following Mary and Cousin Matthew's dramatic push and pull, we expect a payoff. We want the estate's equivalent of a royal wedding.

Instead, they met at the isle, exchanged a tiny joke and the scene went to black.

We got screwed.

There weren't even vows exchanged on camera -- restrained British wedding vows are public broadcasting's equivalent of a money shot. They were meant to be our climax, our arch that converts their relationship from courtship into handfasting. But just wait, we'll watch every painful detail of Edith's wedding -- a poor man's plot substitute.

Since Downton Abbey's writers are dedicated Mixmaster readers, here is my short list suggested ways they can apologize for last night's massive error.

LIST OF DEMANDS

-- Shirley MacLaine stays for Edith's wedding, caters the entire thing with pizza delivery and/or Jimmy John's

-- Dame Maggie Smith comedic B-roll after each episode

-- Hire a private eye to give Anna a hand, she looks sleepy

-- Edith's old man husband dies under her on the honeymoon. She and Mary finally share conversational common ground and the Abbey is saved, cause that old dude's rich.

-- Call The Midwife character crossover episode for Sybil's labor, done in the vein of Facts of Life meets Diff'rent Strokes.

-- Sybil tells her husband that he's being a bit of an asshole, when he's being a bit of an asshole.

-- All mouth kissing done between Edith and her betrothed is done off stage. It's gross, and he always looks like he's about to sneeze.

-- Bates uses his time in prison to write a comedic one-man play. After he's released, he secretly performs it two villages over at an open mic night.


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10 comments
ToscasKiss
ToscasKiss

It was very odd and, yes, frustrating, that jump over any wedding or party stuff.  Meanwhile, Jamie Laughlin, you or your proofreaders or editors (is the idea of those still being employed a quaint old notion?) need to get on the ball.  Don't mean to be overly picky, but since you begin your piece with mentions of "a script oversight" and "shoddy editing," I'm going to point out:

1. "Alter" should be "altar"; 2. "Isle" should be "aisle"; 3. "Arch" should be "arc," I suppose (that sort of makes sense in context, which "arch" doesn't).  4. Thank you (sincerely) for introducing me to "handfasting," a term I hadn't known before.  I was so relieved THAT wasn't a typo, this being Masterpiece, PBS, and all that.

ToscasKiss
ToscasKiss

I figured it was a matter of economics--All that formal wear and pomp and circumstance is expensive.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

All is forgiven for the wedding gyp.  Some juicy plot goodies are afoot.  There has been a nasty breakup in the evil alliance of the odious Miss O'Brien and Thomas.  The two are formidable Machiavellians and should give us some deliciously wicked backstabbing in future episodes.  Poor Mrs. Hughes may have breast cancer, but is trooping ahead courageously with the "comfort" of Mrs. Patmore and her "OH MY GOD!" outbursts.  Lady Cora's mother has put the kibosh on any chance of saving Downton for the Crawleys.  Will the pride and honor of Matthew and his refusal to keep a vast inheritance from Lavinia's father sink his marriage to Mary and cause the Crawleys to retrench?

I'm waiting with bated breath for each episode to air.

Ron Schulz
Ron Schulz

No kidding ! It was like someone cut it out ! Made no sense !

Nan Little Kirkpatrick
Nan Little Kirkpatrick

Who needs to see two people exchange vows? That's the boring part! We got the dress, the carriage ride to the church, the procession...that's enough of a wedding in my book.

Jamie_L.
Jamie_L.

@Ron Schulz Agreed. I was watching it at the Angelika and thought it was a camera feed error; it was so strange. I also wouldn't have objected to a slow-moving photo montage, set to violins, of the couple's trip through the South of France. But no. We'll watch poor old Edith's wedding instead.

Jamie_L.
Jamie_L.

@Nan Little Kirkpatrick Really? I wanted to see that big dinner and reception, the dancing, and the outfits. I think we got robbed.

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