Breaking Dallas Weather Report: Packing Peanuts Fall from The Up High, Get On Everyone's Everything.
WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO MY GRASSES?
Last night, it's clear that some packing peanuts fell from The Up High and melted onto all of everyone's outside stuff. DO NOT PANIC, DALLAS AND SURROUNDING BOROUGHS.
WHAT FATE HAS BEFALLEN MY DRIVING THING'S SIDE REFLECTOR?!
Things to do not do:
1) Throw up on your children.
2) Make eye contact with what must be eight solid inches of Who Knows What.
3) Pray to Weather God about this. He will only smite you with more Who Knows What, because, as you obviously know, it's his time of the Weather God Month.
4) Shame any birds or squirrels.
5) Attempt to enjoy this weather, for it is not 78 degrees with 0% humidity. And you are living in Dallas. If it is not 78 degrees outside with 0% humidity, it is your job to be confused and annoyed.
NO. NOT THE SHORT TREES, TOO?! FOR MOST SHAME.
Things to do do:
1) Simply ask the yellow sky laser to melt the packing peanuts (AKA angel farts) later this afternoon, when it's time for the afternoon drive home. The sky laser will agree to do you this favor, if, in return, you promise to stop wearing Uggs for all of the forevers.
2) Take many image stops of The Outside with your Rectangle Of Rudeness And Boredom, immediately post on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. Caption image stop with talks about beauty and quietude or traffics, late work and mads.
3) If it is your birthday, tell everyone that packing peanuts have fallen from The Up High on your birthday. They will know that this means that you are cursed.
4) Wait for a sign. Someone (most high like CBS 11 Larry) will tell us why this event is be.
5) Talk to peers only about shock and awe of Packing Peanut Fall From The Up High of 2013.