Cool It With the Headdresses: The Worst Dallas Fashion Trends of 2012
Come on, DFW. I have faith in you, but 2012's showed us a few fashion trends that need to go bye-bye. It's nothing personal, really. We all make mistakes.
Patrick Michels Headdresses have got to go
Sigh. For now, we'll just write it off as you trying to express your free and creative spirit, but really, cut it out. What you see as cute, we see as drunk dressing's vicious aftermath.
High-waisted mom jean cutoff shorts
How these have managed to make a comeback is beyond me. You know the ones. The super high and simultaneously super short, washed-out denim shorts that make your crotch look like it's in a suction chamber. There may or may not be exposed pockets. I need not explain all of the reasons why these shorts are not a good idea.
Super low-cut tank tops
This one is for the fellas. Texas' warm weather saw a lot of these last summer. Just because you're scrawny, or what's worse, you're super fit, does not mean that a low-cut, purple tank-top looks hot on you. With all of the exposed chest and armpit hair, these tank-tops makes you look like you smell bad, even if you don't.
Pantyhose under shorts. Stop it, just stop it. Select one or the other. Yes, I love the stylish leaf-pattern designs on your tights too, but if you want to show them off, pick a skirt. And ladies, let's not pretend that this look isn't a shitload of maintenance when it comes time to pee.
Mustache and long sideburns. Now that No-Shave-November and Movember are officially over, I don't feel guilty talking about this one. Don't get me wrong, I like the boys scruffy, but your Tom Selleck mustache and long sideburns are a vision--a creepy vision. The bushy mustache makes you look like you're always cranky. I know someone else like that. Just don't be surprised if you're not having much luck at the bar.
Short, pastel shorts and dress shoes. This is another one for the fellas. Short shorts on guys is another comeback that perplexes me. Your mid-thigh salmon-colored shorts and wingtip shoes are not a great match. Your local music venue is not a golf course. (Not that I condone this look for the golf course either.) Let's try to hit somewhere closer to the knee at least, yeah? Baby steps.
Find the guy violating two things on this list
Shorts and Uggs. Apart from the fact that Uggs simply won't disappear, after Britney Spears popularized them in the early aughts, I am disturbed by the thought process behind this pairing. During what season is the weather in such form that it commands wool-clad legs and cold, bare thighs? Or warm thighs and sweaty legs? Do you see?! You are not fashion's Lara Croft, so knock it off.
Tutus These might actually be worse than the headdresses. Pink tutus are a recent fashion trend that could probably be put into a category of their own, titled "Rave Cretins." Particular to rave culture, this revealing look is often coupled with fairy wings and a slutty top, and most commonly worn to paint raves. (Uggs may or may not apply here as well.) Just because this guy pulled it off, doesn't mean you can. The innocent-slut message you're sending to the world just keeps holding us women back. Not to be coarse, but you're an adult. Society took a vote. There's a time and place for what I call "innoslut-chic," and it's called Halloween.