27 Perfect Gifts For Every Type of Human in Your Life

When you're wealthy, you don't use soil or even river stone. That's for peasants. You use quartz crystals and you put them in a chic bowl with an even chic-er deer. Take out a loan and buy this for your nearest and dearest. You know, the one with the hedge fund.

Billed as "the funnest undies you'll ever find that don't ride up your butt!" Fundies Undies come all the way from Canada, eh, and make your privates look more adorable than manscaping. Available in XS to L. Men and Women. Oh happy day.

These drinking glasses are awesome and since you can get a set for under $25, they're even awesomer. Did I mention they're topless? Let's hear it for boobs, right?!?

This gift is two gifts in one. First, it's an adorable porcelain candle with a cockatiel on it. Second, it's a lesson that proves you don't need a damn cauldron of wax to scent a room.

Yeah, like any of us are ever going to buy fresh flowers on the reg. More than likely this vase will become home to a dull No. 2 and a set of learning chopsticks. But it's everything a gift should be - lovely and affordable. Oh yeah, and thoughtful.

Console, dining, folding card table, it doesn't really matter. Pop this bad boy on top and you're instantly stylin' -- except you're not because you just said, "stylin'." Thems the breaks, kid.

If you know someone that's actually used gestalt in a sentence, buy this vinyl flower vase for them and fill it with water and carnations. Because carnations are filler flowers. Then whack them over the head with it for being such a douche.

I don't care who you are, Memory is still one of the greatest games ever invented. It kicks the pants off Call of Duty Die Hard Car Jackers or whatever the latest pixel-laced eyesore is. And this version got a facelift, adorable illustrations created just for you--r gift recipient.

Happy Holidays, you hooches.