27 Perfect Gifts For Every Type of Human in Your Life

Categories: Shopping

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Spread cheer and slip 'em something they really want this holiday season.
If you're just now looking at a gift guide, congratulations. You waited it out. We knew you would, champ. Your reward for lazy patience? You can ride our holiday shopping coattails to gifting glory because we've searched Dallas and the interwebs to find 27 presents that are as affordable as they are thoughtful -- mostly, anyway.

Yep, you're welcome.


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For: Any Girl You've Ever Met Ever, Gay Guys, Too
Seletti My Crown

Nest, $65

Everyone wants a crown. It's one of a newborn's first thoughts - "food, water, screw this, I want a crown." Make dreams come true with this decorative white or gold porcelain crown. But be warned, if you buy the white version, it just means you love him or her less.

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No really, they're effin' huge.

For: The Aspiring Diabetic In Your Life
One Pound Hershey's, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup or York Peppermint Patty

Target, $10

You may think you know what a one pound chocolate bar, cup or patty looks like, but you don't. It's HUGE. Like you might need a spotter to get it to your car. But if you do get it to your car and then actually give it to someone, you'll be in the running for best human ever. Unless you give the York. Then you're just an asshole.
In stores only, Holiday section.

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For: When You Need Something Impersonally Personal
Handmade soap in Aloe Oatmeal, Desert Sage, Lemon Polenta, Oatmeal, Sandalwood, Almond and Fragrance-Free

Oak Cliff Soap Company, $7

When you don't know someone that well, you might as well give them something to rub on their privates. See what I'm saying? Soap is impersonally personal, but Oak Cliff Soap is a sudsy, chunky cake of "that smells rad." Each soap is all natural and 100% handmade with essential oils. I highly recommend Oatmeal and Almond.
Available at Oil & Cotton


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For: Your Art-y Friend With BO
Little Trees Air Freshener

Car Wash, $2.99

We all know this person. The stink bomb that still uses the deodorant geode your 9th grade science teacher invented. Their BO clouds them like Pigpen's dirt and if you look closely enough, you'll see the air around them ACTUALLY gasping for air. Do the world a favor and give them a Little Tree. Maybe on a chain as a necklace. Or a pin as a brooch.
Available at car washes, drug stores, grocery stores and occasionally on the side of the road.



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