83 Things We Learned in 2012
Never let your kid go to sleepovers in the coach's basement.
Hollywood rewards skinny actresses when they get even skinnier for a role. (Talkin' to you, Anne Hathaway.)
Somebody at NBC doesn't like Ann Curry.
Everybody at NBC loves Richard Engel.
Hurricane Sandy was a Cloverfield monster.
The Illuminati ordered Beyonce and Jay-Z to name their baby Blue Ivy.
Paleo is the new South Beach.
"Real Housewives" never are.
Prince Harry invented strip billiards.
Affleck can direct.
The knuckleball is back.
George W. Bush has become so invisible, he could have been sitting in that chair next to Eastwood.
Governor Rick Perry can't remember a list of only three things.
The side effects of that drug you're taking include "sudden unexplained death."
Oprah couldn't successfully program her own TV channel.
Steve Martin can't write funny in 140 characters.
Russell Crowe can't sing.
Lindsay Lohan can't drive.
Donald Trump can't help himself.
Nothing can kill Charlie Sheen.
Saturday Night Live needs more Alec Baldwin.
Lena Dunham is funny only if you've never seen I Love Lucy or The Mary Tyler Moore Show.
Jerry Seinfeld is an old guy.
Snooki is a mom.
Hillary Clinton had bigger priorities than her hair.
Unfriending is sometimes the only way.
Don't try to cannonball into a frozen swimming pool.
Jimmy Fallon is worth staying up for.
Climate-wise, Canada is looking better.
Mars is boring.
Bedbugs are the worst vacation souvenirs.
Daniel Craig is the best Bond.
Cruise ships are floating vomitoria.
Bill O'Reilly just makes up shit in his "history books."
Kickstarter is the new Medici family.
Almond milk is delicious.
Cops will still hit people even when they know they're on camera.
Turns out, people like and need Obamacare.
P90X and Crossfit hurt, but they work.
Gay marriage just means wittier thank-you notes.
No good deed goes un-Tweeted.
When a man says he doesn't want to be president, take him at his word.