10 Vampirey, Teen-Angsty Things That are Cooler Than Twilight

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Tweens, shut-ins, cat ladies and frustrated housewives too timid for 50 Shade of Grey entered their final throes of Twilight-related delirium last week. Apparently, not all vampires live forever. As fans search for another fantasy franchise to fill the emotional void, the rest of us see simply the end of a long national nightmare. For that reason, we've decided to celebrate by rummaging through the monster flick/teen lust junk drawer and picking out 10 Things that Are Cooler Than Twilight.

1. An American Werewolf in London - Back when Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattison were merely a twinkle in their parent's genetically perfect eyes, Griffin Dunne ruled the world. Ok, maybe not ruled the world but An American Werewolf in London is the perfect blend of comedy, teen sex romp and full-on horror movie. They don't make 'em like that anymore.

2. Blacula - Which one is cooler: a pasty, angular vampire pretty boy or a badass blacksploitation African prince vampire? Robert Pattison isn't fit to sniff the jock strap of William H. Marshall's Prince Mamuwalde from 1972's Blacula.

3. Franco Zefferilli's 1968 Romeo and Juliet - If watching teenagers let their hormones lead them to make terrible life decisions is your bag, Italian director Franco Zeffirilli's 1968 is a must. It's not the Gen X music video onslaught that was 1996's take on the Bard classic, just a solid performance by two then-unknown teen thespians. No one would ever use the phrase "teen thespians" to describe anyone from the Twilight series.

4. Werewolf Bar-Mitzvah - A sketch from 30's Rock's fictional show-within-a-show TGS, Werewolf Bar-Mitzvah sees Tracy Morgan transforming into a werewolf during the sacred Jewish rite of passage. Bonus points for the theme song ("Werewolf bar-mitzvah, spooky scary/Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves") being written by Community's Donald Glover AKA Childish Gambino.

5. Adventureland - Listen, I'm sure Kristen Stewart is a very nice, albeit scowling, young lady. But intense emotional depth in her performances has never been her calling card. Which is part of what makes her so utterly tolerable in the raunchy teen comedy Adventureland. Yes, it's true. She has a setting other than "brooding".

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logical

#1 American Werewolf is a perfectly good, somewhat outdated movie. #2 Blackula is racist. #3 The 1960's R + J is boring, but required. #4 Werewolf Bar Mitzvah is funny and brief moment on 30 minute TV show. #5 Adventureland is a movie starring the same actress you're making a career out of panning. #6 Teen Wolf is a cute, somewhat outdated movies. #7 Let the Right One In sounds interesting - I'll watch it without preconceived notion. #8 Hammer Horror - don't know what that is. #9 Count Duckula is a dumb cartoon. #10 Lost Boys is a good, somewhat outdated movie.

This list is lame. Maybe the author should take some time off and read four books and watch five movies with a completely open mind.

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