Ten Dallas-Inspired Halloween Costumes, Starring Big Tex, Randy Travis and More

Categories: Holiday

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Your local Nordstrom's makeup counter should be able to help.
Ah, Halloween. The holiday in which we celebrate the one night a year when it's not a huge red flag to see someone walking around drunk in blood-splattered clothes. Running low on costume ideas, or just wanna wear your snark on your sleeve? We're here to help, with some locally inspired costume ideas sure be a hit at your party or the office.

See also:
- Dallas' 20 Best Halloween Events And Parties

Ladies, please note: These costumes are all unisex. Just follow the instruction, exclude the pants, cut a hole somewhere near the center of the shirt, and tell everyone you're "Slutty (fill in the blank)." No one will know the difference.

10. Nasher/Museum Tower (couples costume)
What better metaphor for relationships than going as the Nasher and its arch-rival Museum Tower? If you're the Museum Tower half of the costume, make sure to carry a flashlight to shine directly into the eyes of your better half. (A blow torch might work, too.) The only thing brighter than the glare from your highly reflective surface should be the glares of fellow partygoers, who are probably as sick of the Nasher/Museum Tower debacle as we are.

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No shirt necessary!
9. Josh Hamilton and His Sobriety Companion
If you and a friend are single and looking for the ultimate tandem costume, you can't go wrong with Josh Hamilton and his sobriety buddy. For the Hamilton portion of the costume, all one needs is a Sharpie to draw on cheesy tattoos, a chunky cross necklace and a smug sense of Jesus-approved superiority. Oh, and a Dodgers jersey.

For the sober buddy part of the costume, all you have to do is follow your buddy around and constantly (and violently) slap beers out of his hand, while simultaneously trying to keep him from motorboating random females. This is one of those ones where the line between where the costume stops and the wearer begins gets seriously blurred as the night progresses.

8. American Airlines Pilot
Why not take that labor-dispute frown and turn it upside down by dressing as an American Airlines pilot? Grow a patchy beard, get a little tipsy, show up a few hours late to the party and proceed point out any and every flaw you can find. End every sentence with, "Sorry folks, we've gotta go back to the gate," and make sure to constantly tell people to look out the window for shit they don't care about.

7. White Rock Marathoner
The barrier for entry on this one is incredibly low. Do you have a sheet of paper and a marker to make a number for your shirt? Do you have sneakers of any kind? Do you have a t-shirt and pants (again, ladies, skip this step)? Do you revel in the schadenfreude of watching frustrated citizens all across Lakewood and East Dallas shake their fists at you for closing off all their streets and rendering them unable to get to brunch? Congratulations, you've successfully completed the White Rock Marathoner check list.

6. Violentacrez
This one's for the braver and/or stupider among you. It can either go over really well or you could end up being jumped by an angry mob. Or both!

Violentacrez, of course, is the recently outed Reddit troll who toiled in the site's creepiest subreddits, including "creepshots" and "jailbait." To truly carry off this costume, it helps if you've reached a point in your life where you live a pretty mundane or miserable existence and have easy access to 3XL Hawaiian shirts. Make sure to wear sunscreen to perfect the pasty complexion of someone whose primary light source is the sad glow of a computer screen. Then, and here's the tricky part, walk around offering people surreptitiously taken pictures of barely legal females. Don't worry, if anyone threatens you, just remind them that you're just practicing your freedom of speech. That should totally diffuse the situation.

Next up: Get your blow torch ready.

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8 comments
Greg Raaum
Greg Raaum

I want to see drunk Randy Travis and drunk Nick Nolte in a UFC cage fight.

Melissa Howell
Melissa Howell

@Heather - I'm so sick of hearing about those two losers. Any couple who decides to dress up like them deserves a kick to the baby-maker.

Melissa Howell
Melissa Howell

""I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry, it's just not in a place I can show you." Yep, that totally happened. And yes, I totally voted for him." I would vote for him again, too. Wish Kinky was running for President this year!

Dianna Storrusten
Dianna Storrusten

Heather, Hope the coffee wasn't hot! I nearly choked on my cup of ice cubes. :)

Heather Martin
Heather Martin

Bwahahaha! I practically spit out my coffee laughing! One really great one you forgot: Deion & Pilar Sanders. ;). GO!

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