55 Movie Trends That Need to Die Now

Categories: Film and TV

wolverineexplosion.jpg
No, yeah, I'm sure it's totally easy to walk away from an explosion unaffected
There's an over-arching theme in the show Battlestar Galatica that is an apt metaphor for Hollywood: "It happened before and it will happen again."

The "it" in Battlestar is the whole Machines-Become-Sentient-and-Kill-Humans-thing. But the catchy, ominous phrase could be viewed as a metaphor for Hollywood's persistent ability to repeat mind-numbingly badly trends: They're making another Transformers movie. Jason Statham keeps destroying people's tracheas.

In protest, we present 55 trends that we think need to be blown up like every building ever to appear in a Michael Bay film.

1. Characters walking away from explosions, unharmed
2. Characters jumping from moving vehicles, unharmed
3. Characters falling from tremendous heights and bouncing off cars and living
4. Animals that talk using CGI
5. Animal facial expressions that are physically impossible using CGI
6. The smart, worldly 8-year-old
7. Nicolas Cage
8. The Jason Statham-rescues-a-kid storyline
9. The Jason Statham action that leads to him shirtless
10. Third Act battle on historical landmark

insidious.jpg
Man, this tiny kid sure is scary!
11. Two characters finally triumph over adversity so that they can be in love together and then one of them is killed by an errant fruit truck / train / thunderstorm / plane into a building
12. "It was all a dream"
13. Self-reflexiveness
14. The tough female Latina marine
15. White people as every character
16. 3D
17. Movie trailers that rip off The Dark Knight trailer
18. Movie trailers that rip off any other movie trailer
19. Children's Movie as brought to you by Exxon
20. Movie star plays him/herself
21. Shitty American remakes of already great foreign films
22. Star Wars effects tinkering
23. "Bonus endings"
24. Horror hybrids (Zombie werewolves, vampire zombies, vampire werewolves, vampire zombie werewolves, zombie zombies)
25. Scary kids
26. Octilogies
27. Indiana Jones and the Who Gives a Fuck
28. The lack of appreciation for Andy Serkis
29. The lack of appreciation for Gary Oldman

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40 comments
LaSherra Green
LaSherra Green

"21. Shitty American remakes of already great foreign films" YESS!!!

Morgan McDannell
Morgan McDannell

Or how about trailers that fade to black and back out again every ten seconds. And also big clanks and bangs in horror movies that aren't representative of anything actually happening in the film. That stupid choral sounding "AAAAAAAAAAH" in the background every minute needs to go too.

Shannon Adolph
Shannon Adolph

I take issue with #9. Shirtless Jason Statham should be in all the movies. :-)

Lonnie Beene
Lonnie Beene

If you can come up with 55 of them, movies are in big trouble.

linzd21
linzd21

So no more movies then...you are done with movies

Rumian Reza
Rumian Reza

so you're saying more Tyler Perry movies?

jess_kirksey
jess_kirksey

#9 doesn't need to go anywhere- Statham shirtless is a good thing :D


KVM Over IP
KVM Over IP

3D Zombies for me as well, I like the ideas you people shared here.

 

Chris2526
Chris2526

Forgot to say Hollywood does not know how to make movies any more, they all pretty much suck!!! and rely on stupid stories, dialog and nothing but special effects. Give me the supurbdays of Hollywood on Turner Classic Movies. America has been dumbed down so much theythink that whats now in theaters is great.Also what is the fascinastion idiot women have with vampires these days??? They are the same nitwits you see on Judge Judy or the crime shows...they all like the bad boy types thatsteal them blind or kill them. They are usually fat disgusting creatures and the guys are very good looking and they are too stupid to see "whats wrong with this picture" Darwin said it best.... survival of the fitttest.

Chris2526
Chris2526

Any movie that has hundreds of black helicopters flying in unison along with the head of the military who always has to be black ala Morgan Freeman

Thea Goodman
Thea Goodman

MOST FILMS CELEBRATE FILTH OR THEY ARE A MUCH WORSE REMAKE OF A CLASSIC FILM SO I SELDOM SEE THEM I THINK THE "STAR WARS PREQUEL" OR THE "OVER THE HEDGE" FILM WAS THE LAST ONES I SAW.

NO MORE SEQUELS! NO MORE PREQUELS.

NO MORE REMAKES. THEY SUCK.BADLY.

THE FILM COMMUNITY'S LACK OF IMAGINATION,CREATIVITY AND ORIGINALITY IS NOT MY PROBLEM AND I WON'T PAY TO SEE WHAT WAS BETTER DONE IN THE CLASSIC FILM.

NO MORE FILMS THAT EXPLOIT WOMEN. GO MAKE A SOFT=CORE OR XXX-FILM,IF YOU WANT PORN.WOMEN ARE MORE THAN TINY,STICK THIN WAIFS TO BE A BACKGROUND TO THE HERO OR A MACHO ACTION HERO WITH BOOBS. AND NOT THER KIND THAT WRITE & PRODUCE THIS DRECK, I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DD ANYWAY.

Stevenphelps
Stevenphelps

INTERNET CHALLENGE: 3 page treatment for a movie combining all of these. Go!

Jay
Jay

6.The smart, worldly 8-year-old : Yes, it is better that we present our kids as stupid and idea-challenged. That way they will never replace us. 7.Nicolas Cage : Not really a trend. All this tells me is that you were running out of ideas and decided to throw in an actors name. 8.The Jason Statham-rescues-a-kid storyline : Because there are more adults he could be rescuing. Kids can surely fend for themselves. 9.The Jason Statham action that leads to him shirtless : Not a fan of him being shirtless, but I am also enough of a man to handle it. This should be on the top of the "I am worried Jason Statham is going to steal my girl list. 10.Third Act battle on historical landmark : Because viewers will be afraid that the reason it was historical once will be erased by the fact that a movie was shot there? 

Jay
Jay

So many comments. - had to divide this up. 

1.Characters walking away from explosions, unharmed : So you would rather they get harmed and we waste half a movie watching people visit them in the hospital. 2.Characters jumping from moving vehicles, unharmed : So you would rather they stay in the car and plunge to their death. Or better yet, limp for the rest of the movie. 3.Characters falling from tremendous heights and bouncing off cars and living : I make most of my getaways doing this. Are you serious, do we really need to have every truck driving in the city have a mattress, feathers or a bunch of kittens in the back? 4.Animals that talk using CGI : Yeah - I preferred the peanut butter or sugar method. That way we just have to pretend we aren't watching a 1970's Godzilla movie. 

Fann
Fann

happy endings shouldn't die!

Almost32mi
Almost32mi

Characters dropping/falling/jumping and landing in a Tebow like stance, one hand on ground and the other elevated behind them.

Playhouse
Playhouse

Corrected: 43. Comedies with Paul Rudd

Perry Moore
Perry Moore

I'm really tired of movies about muscleheads with fast cars. The self-fulfilled pack of smart women with condescending attitudes about men movies are wearing thin, also. Then again, if the women are watching those fast car movies, I don't blame them for the condescension.

Zamora Carl
Zamora Carl

like Elaine answered I cant believe that a stay at home mom able to get paid $4071 in one month on the computer. did you see this site makecash16.comONLY

WD2
WD2

tough or well meaning white woman or man saving inner city youth from themselves in spite of their early resistance....please stop

also any blacks learn to dance their troubles away movies of any variety.

BTS
BTS

Way too much use of shaky camera work. You don't use the camera to create tension, that what actors are for. Shaky cam doesn't enhance action scenes. You vision doesn't shake when running or walking. Way over used and really bad effect. Most home movies don't shake as bad as movies I have seen.

Steve
Steve

How about the proliferation of condoms, I mean come on, Vivid!

Ed D.
Ed D.

5 Cheesy Blog Trends That Need to Die Now

5. Over-long lists of trends that need to stop or "die"4. Hastily compiled best-of lists based on almost nothing3. Making outrageous claims solely to generate angry comments2. Best "of all time" lists that only go back to the mid-1990s

and the #1 cheesy blog trend that needs to die now...(see next comment)

txnomad
txnomad

no overused car chase scenes, like a car jumping over a draw bridge and landing unscathed?

Nick R.
Nick R.

Also, movies based on Rides at Amusement Parks

Bill T.
Bill T.

Poorly punctuated comments in all upper-case.

Buttface
Buttface

wait, who has the boobs - the waif or the action hero?

Ed D.
Ed D.

1. Breaking up columns to multiple pages to manufacture a higher page count

mark zero (Jason)
mark zero (Jason)

I imagine "The Log Ride in 3-D" would just go downhill from the start.

Matt Decuir
Matt Decuir

Completely agree with this list, especially this one. Why in the crap isn't this one page?

Suckpants
Suckpants

Commenters who think they've got great comebacks when really they have no one who loves them and a mouth covered in cookie crumbs and their own pubes

Buttface
Buttface

funny comment, but why don't you stick to a comment that deserves it

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