55 Movie Trends That Need to Die Now
There's an over-arching theme in the show Battlestar Galatica that is an apt metaphor for Hollywood: "It happened before and it will happen again."
No, yeah, I'm sure it's totally easy to walk away from an explosion unaffected
The "it" in Battlestar is the whole Machines-Become-Sentient-and-Kill-Humans-thing. But the catchy, ominous phrase could be viewed as a metaphor for Hollywood's persistent ability to repeat mind-numbingly badly trends: They're making another Transformers movie. Jason Statham keeps destroying people's tracheas.
In protest, we present 55 trends that we think need to be blown up like every building ever to appear in a Michael Bay film.
1. Characters walking away from explosions, unharmed
2. Characters jumping from moving vehicles, unharmed
3. Characters falling from tremendous heights and bouncing off cars and living
4. Animals that talk using CGI
5. Animal facial expressions that are physically impossible using CGI
6. The smart, worldly 8-year-old
7. Nicolas Cage
8. The Jason Statham-rescues-a-kid storyline
9. The Jason Statham action that leads to him shirtless
10. Third Act battle on historical landmark
11. Two characters finally triumph over adversity so that they can be in love together and then one of them is killed by an errant fruit truck / train / thunderstorm / plane into a building
Man, this tiny kid sure is scary!
12. "It was all a dream"
14. The tough female Latina marine
15. White people as every character
17. Movie trailers that rip off The Dark Knight trailer
18. Movie trailers that rip off any other movie trailer
19. Children's Movie as brought to you by Exxon
20. Movie star plays him/herself
21. Shitty American remakes of already great foreign films
22. Star Wars effects tinkering
23. "Bonus endings"
24. Horror hybrids (Zombie werewolves, vampire zombies, vampire werewolves, vampire zombie werewolves, zombie zombies)
25. Scary kids
27. Indiana Jones and the Who Gives a Fuck
28. The lack of appreciation for Andy Serkis
29. The lack of appreciation for Gary Oldman