The $4,500 Toilet, A Must Have For Your Modern Home

Finally a toilet fancy enough to keep in the living room of your magnificent, glass-enclosed, hilltop house.

This weekend's First Dallas Modern Home Tour begs the question: Everything else in your retro-futuristic frame is perfect, but how do you hide the commode?

Well, if you're feeling especially flush, you shouldn't have to. Ringing in at $4,473 dollars, the Numi toilet by Kohler is more than a streamlined waste removal system: it's a remote-controlled work of art. Complete with varying bidet spray settings and dryer, seat warmers and a built-in sound system (FM radio and an MP3 input), Numi will wait until commanded and then politely fold up like a Transformer, disguising any physical evidence that you do, in fact, poop.

The price tag has made it a bit of a target. Conan played up the original commercial with this late night parody:

Designed primarily for oil magnates, Japanese heads of industry, and anyone who's super stoked that Emirates now offers non-stop flights from Dallas to Dubai, the Numi is not a toilet for the everyman. But for a true modern home, there is no substitute. Or is there?

I went over to Apex Supply Company, a high-end kitchen and bath showroom in the Design District and spoke with showroom consultant, Teresa Browning. While they don't yet have a store model of the robocommode, it is available for order. To date, nobody has taken them up on it.

Browning thinks the square design is a bit of a turn-off. Feedback from customers who purchased similarly shaped models has been patchy, with ergonomic discomfort to blame. It seems nobody wants a square John, even if it does warm your feet. For those searching for that perfect, ultra-modern toilet with all of the "bells and whistles" of the Numi, Browning would suggest Toto's Neorest series.

But that one doesn't have a sound system. Or a cool commercial. It also doesn't fold up. But it's comfortable -- you know, if you're into that kind of thing.

If your home is decidedly deco, maybe you should opt for this model instead:

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My Voice Nation Help

It better had turn my turd nuggets into gold nuggets for that asking price! 


how do you hide someone's hairy ass?

Nick R.
Nick R.

That's some expensive shit

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