Evan Dando is not made of plastic

​In honor of Evan Dando and his band The Lemonheads being at the Prophet Bar tonight, I thought I might share with the readers of DC9 some of the pitfalls of being a music writer. Sure, there are tons of positives: free shows and CDs and access to cool people (some of whom you may actually admire). But for every moment of fun, there have been some serious headaches, the biggest of which is the interview process.

Almost 99% of interviews are done over the phone. And that's where the trouble can begin. Bad cell phone connections, background noise and a host of issues can quickly derail any interview. The thing that ruins most Q&As is the testy or unresponsive interviewee. With that in mind, here is my list of the five best and five worst musicians I have had the pleasure (or pain) of speaking with.

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LA Weekly

Oh, sweet relief!

​There are few things that cure day-after-drinking hell better than a Bloody Mary. It's got to be a salad in a glass for the really bad ones, when you feel heavy at the forehead like a sledgehammer. Obviously, there's a number of additional things you can do for yourself: Get a delicious beer. Get a huge ass Tex-Mex breakfast. Get someone to black jack you with a boat oar.

But what the hell do you do on the way to get the glorious Bloody Mary? On the way to brunch? On the way to more bar? After you wake up from being nailed by a boat oar?

You need music to stop the two New York-sized rats fighting behind your eyes. These are the albums that are the musical equivalent of the sweet, sweet tomato drink. Hopefully, they'll do the same for you. If not, feel free to throw vegetables at the comments. Or post your own top ten. Oh, and keep it handy for 35 Denton and SXSW.

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​Fort Worth five-piece Fate Lions just dropped a new three-song 7-inch and and are celebrating with a show at the Kessler on Friday. With that in mind, I asked guitarist Jerko Dabelic and singer/guitarist Jason Manriquez about some of their favorite 45s growing up.

Jason Manriquez

Barry Manilow
"A Nice Boy Like Me"/"I Write the Songs"
At two years of age I can remember sitting transfixed and running around the house chanting, "I write songs, I write songs..."

The Turtles
"Happy Together"/"Like the Seasons"
To this day I can hear the hiss and crackle from my folks' worn disc.

The Mamas & the Papas
"California Dreaming"/"Somebody Groovy"
Growing up in California, I'd always wondered at the mystique and allure of a state that seemed to hold such a varied mix of people.

The Carpenters
"Ticket to Ride"/"Your Wonderful Parade"
Actually my first exposure to this Beatles classic. We owned many Carpenters LPs but had this 45 for whatever reason and I loved Karen's voice on this.

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Snoop Dogg's most recent mugshot

​When Snoop Dogg was issued a citation for marijuana possession at a border checkpoint outside El Paso last week, the world reacted with shock and disbelief. We had no idea this beacon of sobriety -- the same guy who penned "Smoke Weed Everyday" - could act so out of character.

Of course, Texas is famous for some of the most forehead-smacking arrests in music history. From country crooners getting into honky-tonk bar fights, to hippies and rockers busted for drugs, we've collected the top 10 most fitting arrests. One thing's for sure: If musicians want to further their lawbreaker reputations, our fair state will help them out.

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​As it goes with many reunions these days, the news of At the Drive-in's reformation neatly coincided with the release of the Coachella lineup on Monday. And yes, people are excited. "One Armed Scissor" doesn't sound especially dated these days, and The Mars Volta's 26-minute solo weed jam revue was getting sort of... tiresome.

So, of course we started thinking about other Texas bands that should probably reunite right before some big festivals this year. Here are our wishes in a jar.

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​It's that time of the year where you're sure to hear all the classic Christmas songs -- the exact same songs you listened to the year before. Snooze! Enter the indies, adding their own twist to your holiday favorites so you don't get sick of them. Okay, so we threw in a couple oldies, but they are definitely goodies. Take a listen and have yourself an unconventional little Christmas jam.

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I think yule really enjoy this list.

​We're full-blown into December, which means the holiday season surrounds us. And good lord, there are a lot of holiday albums being released this year. Seems like everyone from Lady Gaga to My Morning Jacket have the tour bus television on the Yule Log channel.

Some, of course, are better than others. Steer clear of Beiber and Michael Buble's Christmas albums; go ahead and pick up the one from My Morning Jacket and, if you've got any money left over, the one from She & Him.

There are also some local acts getting in on the holiday action. Seryn is striking while the iron's hot after being named the seventh best new band of 2011 by Paste Magazine. Folk Angel is making money hand-over-fist with Comfort & Joy, which we'll have more on in next week's paper.

Consider this a close-to-definitive local holiday music guide, which continues on the next page.

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Roger Caldwell

Finally, another excuse to use this photo

​Most all of us know the deal when it comes to new music from a famous, old school rock artist:

It's a waiting game.

A waiting game daunted with a lot of vague answers, and sometimes pretty flaky behavior. Some would say this is due to the pace set by successful artists who are no longer as hungry to get that new stuff out, but rather, are used to very long breaks in between very long (and hopefully profitable) nostalgia or reunion tours.

Key phrases like "slated for," and "anticipating" a new release aren't much help for us fans. Not to mention shit like "pushed back indefinitely." It's cause for a big sigh. And in many cases, cause to move forward and explore new music instead (not too shabby of an idea at all).

However, dammit, we just can't help but wonder when those new Van Halen songs will emerge, and (of course) if they're any damn good at all! Speaking of--the VH camp has easily been the worst culprit of rockstar-new-release-flakiness in 2011, after reportedly beginning work on the new songs over 11 months ago, and keeping a complete mum on any word of a release date.

Still, 2012 is shaping up to be an exciting year for classic rock artists releasing new songs. Whether or not they're any good or not, remains to be seen, but the anticipation for those of us who are fans from way back, the anticipation is undeniable.

Let's see what we can see as of press time from a big stack of rock artists' vague agendas:

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​Earlier this week we came across the website, Drinkify, which claims to "generate the perfect cocktail recipe to accompany any music." Naturally, as fans of both music and all types of alcohol, the site proved to be the perfect happy hour time kill.

Our findings?

The site is not only pretty comprehensive -- most local bands we plugged into the engine indeed returned results -- but most were quite apropos as well.

For instance, take "The Salim Nourallah": One bottle red wine. Serve at room temperature. Garnish with an umbrella.

Or "The Toadies": 10 oz. Maker's Mark, 10 oz. 7-Up, 1 oz. Worcestershire sauce. Combine in cocktail glass. Garnish with cocktail onions.

But for every band like Seryn who already have their own concoctions (2 oz. Soju, 2 oz. club soda, 12 oz. Armagnac. Strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with shrimp.) there is a band like The King Bucks that comes up empty. So we thought we'd do our local brethren a solid and submit a few local music-themed cocktails of our own.

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The Misfits' Michale Graves

​Nothing pisses rock fans off worse than the lead singer of their favorite band being replaced. This happens across genres, but it's most common within hard rock -- pop, country and R&B vocalists' departures are usually a precursor to their solo efforts; very rarely does their band continue without them. Hard rock and heavy metal fans, on the other hand, see their favorite bands as a cohesive unit, so when a singer leaves, the rest of the band often make an attempt at continuing without them. Additionally, metal singers are more likely to storm off and leave a popular band -- they're apparently a moody lot.

We have lots of sympathy for the folks called in to replace departing vocalists. Oftentimes, tensions within the band caused the original vocalist to leave; the new singer is thrown straight into the lion's den. If the rest of the band accepts them, they must then overcome the hurdle of the fans' devotion to the original lead singer. It's even more difficult if the band found success with the original singer; the sound changes with a new guy (or girl), and fans, who became so attached to the original sound, don't even give the replacement a chance. Critics and music journalists, who should by all means be the voice of reason, are just as apt to drink the haterade; brief Googling produces endless lists of the Worst Replacement Singers Ever.

So, in support for the brave men and women who have dared attempt to fill the shoes of departing vocalists, we've collected our top 10 favorite replacement singers. Because replacement singers are common in hard rock, this list leans toward the heavy side of music. If we've forgotten anyone, let us know in the comments; please also feel free to rip our choices to shreds. We understand that this is your way of showing us you care.

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