10 Reasons Urban Outfitters Is Bad for Music

Categories: DC9 at Night

UO.jpg
Courtesy Flickr user Casey Hugelfink

We all know it, but it's time to show it. Urban Outfitters is a creative wasteland, a shortsighted cul-de-sac of trends and trash-culture bent for capital gain -- one large, unthinking slab of cultural masturbation. But, by and large, it's a beast we ourselves feed. Like creepers to a drug deal we lurch in, grab what we want and dart out. (Some of their basic clothing isn't half bad, right?)

Excuses aside, the inventory is laughable, shamelessly anachronistic and inauthentic. Musically speaking, it's the sort of faux-hippie, yuppie detritus that's fueled a million Dark Side-only Pink Floyd fans. Here are 10 of the worst examples of why UO is a drain on our music-loving souls.

1. They sell turntables that will eat your records.

UOCrosley.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

In fact, they only sell record-destroying players. These Crosley tables -- equipped with uneven speeds and ruinous ceramic cartridges -- aren't really listening tools, they are toys. Cutesy, retro-chic, vinyl-hungry toys. Given that your albums won't last long on that new turntable, it's comforting to know that you can replace your LPs at UO too. It's a good thing that their prices are fair ... Oh gad wait.

2. Their record prices are an assault on your financial well-being.

UOmadonna.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

Even if you ignore for the moment that their records are terribly treated and poorly stored, UO's prices are astronomical. Singles will cost you upward of $20. And my goodness, double LPs, even shitty ones, can cost you $40. This means if your monthly music budget is $150 (we're allowed to dream), you can still only buy about five albums a month. Those are prison cafeteria-type rates. Yay hip vinyl trend!


3. Now you can coordinate the Unknown Pleasures artwork with the rest of your outfit.

UOJoy.jpg
Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

Sweaters and shirts in a dozen colors and styles, all slathered with the iconic Joy Division radio waves, blanket UO's interior. Hell, it's almost their corporate symbol at this point. Ian Curtis would be so very proud.

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14 comments
DOisDUMDUM
DOisDUMDUM

Did they pull their ad or something?

WandaJFarrand
WandaJFarrand

ᴍʏ ʙᴜᴅᴅʏ's ᴍᴏᴍ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs $84 /ʜʀ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ . Sʜᴇ ʜᴀs ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴊᴏʙ ғᴏʀ ғɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs ʙᴜᴛ ʟᴀsᴛ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜ ʜᴇʀ ɪɴᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴡᴀs $17456 ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ғᴇᴡ ʜᴏᴜʀs. ғɪɴᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ɪɴғᴏ....... WWW.ℤAKJOB.COM

nice_pitts
nice_pitts

I see some people like their mustache magnets.

GAA214
GAA214

Thrift Town on Westmoreland is more interesting than UO

paulpsycho78
paulpsycho78

a hipster article written by a hipster for hipsters trashing other hipsters..awesome...you are the worst generation ever, definitely the worst music and it's not even close

paulpsycho78
paulpsycho78

hipsters calling other hipsters trash wtf?, go back to your hole hipster

keithdylan
keithdylan

Ya but they do have vinyl in the clearance section from time to time and those prices are good.  Got the last Wilco double album there for $10. 

carlwilliams
carlwilliams

pretty awful stuff. any store aimed at 12-25 yr olds that sells vinyl is p cool imo. wont find much hip hop at good records. doesnt mean its bad record store, just a record store with not a huge hip hop following. and new 180 gram represses are 30-40$ there as well. 


kris_1225
kris_1225

One of the most original things you can do is not let people tell you where to shop and what to shop for. 

MikeO
MikeO

You got that right, ttt. No "put your hands in the air" from NWA!

Hip hop killed rap! It's all wicky wacky crap after '96. 

Jonathan, I'm sorry, but you blew it with this piece of trash. Stop taking ideas from the other writers on this electric rag!

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