The 10 Step Illustrated Pot Moocher's Guide to Getting High at Shows

Categories: Feature Stories

All illustrations by Dan Zettwoch

Marijuana and music have gone hand in hand for decades. In the '60s, when Bob Dylan smoked out the Beatles for the first time and howled, "Everybody must get stoned!" on the opening track of Blonde on Blonde, middle America was frightened by the reefer madness of rock 'n' roll music. Luckily, times have changed.

The last time the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services conducted a study on the topic, they found that more than 100 million Americans have used or regularly use marijuana. And, of course, the process of decriminalization has begun. Even in Texas, where possession of small amounts of weed will earn you a misdemeanor charge and possible jail time, there is almost always the sweet aroma of weed smoke in the air, especially at outdoor concerts.

Whether you're an occasional smoker or you've got a green lung, maybe you've caught the urge to partake at a concert. Not that we're encouraging you to commit crimes. We're just presenting hypotheticals. So, conceptually, you reach into your pocket, only to discover you forgot your stash. Luckily, a friend with weed is a friend indeed, and your fellow concert patrons are just friends you haven't met yet. Here's how to make the connection. Remember folks, you may not have a joint, but it'd be a lot cooler if you did.

Dan Zettwoch
1. Be a woman.
Women are pretty and smell good and therefore more inclined to get things they want. Bat your eyelashes, maybe swing your hips along to the music. Somebody's going to want to come and talk to you, and that somebody just might smoke you out.

Dan Zettwoch

2. Look for people who look like stoners.
If someone looks like a stoner, talks like a stoner, laughs like a stoner, it stands to reason that you're more likely to get stoned around them. You can try the old standby: Look for a guy in a green shirt.

3. Sniff it out.
That sweet smell of Mary Jane that just smacked you in the face as you walked through the crowd? Follow that. Wait until your stoner Spidey Sense starts tingling, then move in for the kill.

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I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade, but why is it acceptable for anybody to light up at a concert?

My wife and I recently attended a concert.  Normally, I'd not care so much about the second-hand pot smoke (we don't partake - but to each their own); but my wife is pregnant.  The arena is a non-smoking facility (tobacco or otherwise).  There was no reason that we should think that this would not be a safe environment for her and our unborn child.  However, the air around us was absolutely filled with second-hand pot smoke.  Instead of enjoying the show, my wife had to head out to the concourse while I confronted the people contributing to the haze around us.

The whole experience struck me as bizarre.  Even if pot were legal in our area, why is it socially acceptable for people to light up in a place where one would be castigated if they were smoking tobacco cigarettes?  Smoking has been outlawed in most public spaces due to the consequences of second-hand smoke.  It seems to me that this should pertain to pot as well (no matter if it is legalized or not).

Sorry to be a buzzkill, but nobody should have to be exempted from buying tickets to see their favorite band/artist just to avoid the antics of a few selfish people who can't have a good time without being high.


Do you also worry about your wife breathing in ozone and fumes from cars or just situations where other people are having more fun than you?


@vanessa.quilantan @dallasboiler Pearl Jam, so it's not like I went to see Phish or Widespread Panic.

I just wish that concert-goers could be more mindful of their fellow patrons and not subject them to second-hand smoke in a non-smoking venue.

As a bit of social commentary, I just think that it's interesting that some see it as acceptable (and a rational expectation) to smoke pot in a non-smoking venue; but those same people very willfully go to the designated smoking area at the arena to attend to their tobacco smoking needs (or will smoke up ahead of the show and wait until it is over to resume). From a non-smoker's point of view, smoke is smoke ... whether from tobacco, marijuana or banana peels.


@dallasboiler @vanessa.quilantan If and when weed gets legalized here, I am sure that plenty of people will smoke it in the smoking areas. It would be extremely stupid to do so until then. That's the beauty of the connection between weed and music. Even cops get it. So unless you stroll right buy a cop with a spliff to your lips, a concert is the one place where smoking marijuana is accepted.

Pearl Jam played at the AAC. Smoke rises. Next time buy better seats.


@dallasboiler   Pearl Jam is interesting. You and your wife have probably grown up listening to their records, and were likely among a substantial amount of patrons who have as well. But Pearl Jam fans keep popping up generation after generation so there were probably plenty of college kids too. I'm willing to be there were quite a few Patagonia wearing frat boys, or maybe some hacky-sack dudes. Those guys definitely get stoned at concerts. They probably brought a huge blunt they're saving for "Even Flow".

I'm sorry you had that experience! Thanks for sharing your commentary.

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