The Gathering of the Juggalos' Best Overheard Quotations

Categories: Commentary

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Nate "Igor" Smith

During the Gathering of the Juggalos, Cave-In Rock, Illinois becomes a sonic disaster zone. Even if you're a rap lover, it's hard to keep your mind sharp with all of the noise. But within the cacophony of sounds, a few incredible Juggalo statements were somehow deciphered and recorded by our numbed ears. The things these people said may not make a ton of sense, but when you are surrounded by a constant thundering bass drum, the maniacal shouting of "whoop, whoop," and the occasional dynamite explosion in the distance...you probably wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, either.

See also:
-The Gathering of the Juggalos Infomercials, Ranked
-Slideshow: The Gathering of the Juggalos Brings Out Foam and Fireworks on Day 4 (NSFW) (Unbelievably NSFW)
-The Gathering of the Juggalos: Misconceptions and First Impressions
-Death Reported at Gathering of the Juggalos; Drug Bridge Closed

"Oh shit, Metallica!" [starts headbanging]

- One way to be sure that you're at the Gathering is that the Black Album by Metallica is always playing. And no one seems disappointed.

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Nate "Igor" Smith
A juggalo with a "drug bridge" T-Shirt at the Gathering.
"Its synthetic acid. It's from Canada. I wont sell you more than two hits."

- Three sketchy kids wearing gym shorts were sitting outside of a tent with a sign that read, "$10 TRIP YOUR FACE OFF" and said this to us. They claimed to be selling a hallucinogen called 2CB. After hearing reports the next day of multiple overdoses on a drug called 25i (also called N-Bomb, a derivative of 2CB), this encampment mysteriously disappeared. They also offered us a money back guarantee.

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"This port-a-jon smells like shit!"

- Shouted by a kid with a wiry frame with homemade tattoos. He yelled at a dude asleep on the ground a few minutes later and was surprisingly effective at getting him up.

"Girl, I would break your neden."

- Said by a kid so young it is difficult to believe he is aware he has a penis. If you're anything like me, you had no idea what "neden" was but picked up on it using context clues pretty quickly.

"Where did my dick go?"

- Only a small piece of garbled nonsense to come from a Juggalo swaying back and forth near a Port-a-John.

"You don't know what a cheeseburger is? Oh my god, they're the best."

- Some girl said this to someone else in a tent we were passing by, I swear to god.

"Im illin' and chillin' with my guts all over the ceiling."

"We're scrubs so we always get the bone."

- Two sets of memorable lyrics from stage performers

"I don't know, I think Whitney Houston should have died."

- Source unknown

"I don't know if you know or care, but do not take the acid."

- Heard from a conversation being held in a golf-cart while passing

"Do not take anything called 'spice' -- that's bath salts."

- From an unnamed associate

"You can take mushrooms and eat acid just as long as you don't have any glass bottles."

- Security at the front gate

Quotations from the Gathering continue on the next page.


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4 comments
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul
ThePosterFormerlyKnownasPaul topcommenter

"Yelled over a megaphone by a kid with a heavy amount of facial tattoos who had been stapling dollar bills to himself and later cut off at least one of his nipples for $80."

This kid should read a little Adam Smith ...

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