Here's What Not to Pack for Rocklahoma 2013, Which Features Korn and Guns N' Roses

Categories: Festivals

Kai Flanders
Then again, this was at Coachella, so maybe the mace isn't such a bad idea.

This weekend the erstwhile comedy team of Cleaver and Falcon will travel north on 35 till they arrive outside of Tulsa for the three-day festival that is Rocklahoma. While preparing for their time spent in a tent and seeing Guns N' Roses, KoRn, Bush, Alice in Chains and Cheap Trick, the two had a discussion about what provisions were needed, what follows is that conversation and several jokes.

Jaime-Paul Falcon: Special conversation time?

Gavin Cleaver: Yes quite. So, pretend I'm packing my bag right now, despite the suspicious lack of a bag, what do I need?

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Falcon: Other then the required sundry of clothing and the like you might need to prepare yourself for the wilds of metal fans getting worked into a frenzy for three straight days. Precautions should be taken. I suggest you buy a can of mace. Maybe a road flare for when the weather turns on us and we're having to find our way through the dust. I'm seriously thinking we need walkie-talkies.

Cleaver: But I'm a large man, Jaime. What do I need mace for?

Falcon: Because there are larger men in the world. Also, mace might help with crowd control. I mean if the dead were ever going to rise from their graves, it would be while we're in a tent in the middle of Oklahoma.

Cleaver: I wasn't worried before. I think I am now.

Falcon: Let's be honest, this whole thing is a joke that massively backfired on us.

Cleaver: I believe this was your idea, and thus I hold you as my financial guarantor for the weekend.

Falcon: Furthermore, we're about to spend three days in the heat among crowds and I don't wear shorts. I might have a heat stroke by Saturday morning.

Cleaver: Why ... why don't you wear shorts?

Falcon: I wear them when playing basketball, but only then. Anyway, back to what we're taking with us.

Cleaver: No, I'm pushing forward with this. Do you have terrifying knees? A shinbone that juts out?

Falcon: I don't wear shorts because I mostly wear boots, and men cannot pull that look off.

Cleaver: Have you considered flip-flops? They're the choice of the man who's in touch with his sensitive side.

Falcon: I'm pretty sure not even Jennifer Lawrence could get me to wear flip-flops.

Cleaver: There's going to be some serious flip-flop action this weekend, Jaime. You're going to be intimately familiar with my toes. That's exactly as terrifying as it sounds.

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Flip flops at a rock show? Awesome idea. Might as well go put your bare feet in front of one of your car tires and let your friend slowly run over it.

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

The Esteemed MR Cleaver, is your FB event at Lockhart private invite only?  I couldnt find it on FB.  See ya monday sir!


I'd totally watch this sitcom.

Try not to die, guys. 


It's okay. I don't wear shorts either. 

Sounds like a well-planned trip. Best of luck. 

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Anna_Merlan Can we send a film crew please, I beg ya'll to film this.  

and yes Gavin, please dont die, Id hate for you to not be around to see Watford promoted. watch out for Tornados, and dont go hogging, Richard wouldn't be happy with you

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