The Five Worst British Import Bands

Categories: Commentary

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While we might have done some wonderful things for y'all with Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath and Radiohead, we have also sent you some terrible crimes against music. And while none of this really compares to Canada foisting Avril Lavigne and Nickleback on you, it's still not great. I'm here to hold my hands up for the collection of nations I call my home and say sorry. If it is true that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, then for every Radiohead there must be a Lily Allen, and for every Police there must be a Sting's solo career. We're trying, but we don't always get it right. Here are the worst offenders I can think of. Please add your own.

See also:
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-Man, I Used To Really Love Coldplay


5. The Streets

I get the impression that Mike Skinner might have convinced some people he is the rapping equivalent of a Guy Ritchie film, like "Lock, Stock..." or "Snatch." He is not a cockney. He is from Birmingham, England, a very long way away from London, and should have an accent more like Ozzy Osbourne (also a "Brummie," as they are called). You are not being sold a legitimate product here. It's like Bryan Adams releasing a country album with a Deep South twang he suddenly "discovered" for marketing purposes. Even worse, you are paying for music that contains insights like "Don't mug yaself mate no wat I meen" and "you're fit but my gosh, don't you just know it." Horrific.


4. Coldplay

Yes, Britain is also responsible for boring everyone to tears several times a minute, which I would imagine is how often Coldplay get played on the radio, in a commercial, or at a really awful dinner party. There's more feeling in one Elton John song than there is in an entire Coldplay album, and not only is that really saying something, Elton still doesn't play the piano in that ultra-annoying standing-with-eyes-closed way, Chris. Unfortunately I support a soccer team that plays in yellow, and someone with one functioning brain cell and hearing problems decided the semi-official club song should be, wait for it, "Yellow." Watch out, insert name of American sports team that plays in yellow here.


3. Bush

Never even made it in the UK, and yet are named after a region of London, because that's where they're from. What did you all see in them? I often get their songs mixed up with Hole (no, I'm not sure how I can manage that either) who are of similar quality and also never made it in the UK. There appears to be a specific style of faux-grimy rock that the UK has managed to reject, even when the band in question is from there. That's a good thing.


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37 comments
garlandsucks
garlandsucks

wait I thought mumfords were westward expansionist settlers circa 1815/urbanites?  You mean to tell me their british?

oakclifftownie
oakclifftownie

Damn what a bunch of whinny envious little shits . Not that I listen.... But still these no talent Bums are cashing some sizable pay checks ....One might think some of you are suffering for the music types who camp  in the alleyways and store fronts of Deep Elm 

Pick which one you want to be ? A Cup of  Noodles because its what you can afford if you are lucky or fully staffed house  the south of France as a summer villa ? 


Ana B. Harris
Ana B. Harris

^ hahahahahahahah! hahahahaha (spice girls) hahahhahah :)

Clarissa Nicole
Clarissa Nicole

Spice Girls is amazing. I mean, platform sneakers. Come ON!

rjasonbonner
rjasonbonner

mumford and sons is hokey earnest dave mathews crap. I bet they wouldnt say it, but I promise Dave Mathews was more of an influence on them than any folk music. What about Thom Yorke? Maybe (just a maybe) you couldn't have included Radiohead, but Thom Yorke is the promise of pretension that his prophet David Byrne foreshadowed.

Chad Davis
Chad Davis

Effing Mumford. It's a fight I fight every day.

cantkeepthetruthdown
cantkeepthetruthdown

Oasis. Absolute dog shit. And incredibly over rated to boot! Completely unlistenable.


JaimesonPaul
JaimesonPaul

"While we might have done some wonderful things for y'all with Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath and Radiohead"


You trolling bastard. 

homie
homie

Sorry, but the Streets first album was quality music.  He went way off the cliff after that, but Original Pirate Material is a great album.

MattL11
MattL11

I was waiting for SOMEONE to apologize for Mumford & Sons. Kind of hoped it would be the Queen, but you'll do for now. It's much appreciated. 

KellyDearmore
KellyDearmore

Gavin - love your contributions to the DO, man, but I'm not sure how Mumford's voice comes off as "emotionless" to you. I've seen them live twice and there's plenty of energetic, sweaty emotion in his vocals and the band's overall performance. I think its evident on-record, too. I know it's all-the-rage to hate on Mumford, but respectfully, I do not accept your apology :-)

ChrisYu
ChrisYu topcommenter

I always thought of Bush as annoying and pretentious but yes would also agree they are the worst.

cleaver.gavin
cleaver.gavin

@homie No need to apologise. It had some catchy tunes. It's just the idea of that incredibly cartoonish accent not being legitimate (even the photo on the front of OPM is London, not Birmingham) puts me in a bad mood.

cleaver.gavin
cleaver.gavin

@krd19921 No, I totally get you. I guess while the voice might sound emotional, I'm just not feeling it, like the emotion is being phoned in. I am just generally bored by it. I'm not sure why that is.

KellyDearmore
KellyDearmore

@cleaver.gavin @krd19921 Well said. I guess I'm in the opposite camp, where the emotion managed to connect with me. I mean, I'm sure u get the same curious stares that I do from anyone around you when you're 30 mins into Sleep's Dopesmoker. I dig it. Others, not so much. Oh well.

JustSaying
JustSaying

@cleaver.gavin  I, too, have played "Heart's Alive" on several occasions. There was one time when I was entertaining myself by hijacking the jukebox when some other person in the bar evidently had the same sense of humor. It seemed like every time one of my long songs ended, this random person would play like a 15 minute Opeth song. It was like a metal version of "dueling banjos".

JustSaying
JustSaying

@KellyDearmore I never get curious stares when Dopesmoker is playing. Its more like exasperation when the vocals finally kick in around the 8 minute mark. If I ever find Dopesmoker on one of those internet jukeboxes, it will be a happy day indeed. For the price of one play it now song, I will own the bar for 59 minutes.

KellyDearmore
KellyDearmore

@cleaver.gavin @krd19921 But wouldn't it have been a better jam with banjo, kick-drum, whispy chin-hair and tweed vests?

cleaver.gavin
cleaver.gavin

@krd19921 Yeah. I once saw the Mars Volta play a 45 minute song and I really enjoyed all of it.

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