Eight Music-Themed Gifts You Never Knew You Needed

Categories: Commentary

30 Seconds to Mars' very special apron: For that special someone who only thinks of death or vegan pancakes
Ah, the holidays, that time when you frantically try to figure out what exactly to give whoever you got stuck with in the secret Santa drawing. Maybe you got lucky and selected a music fan; maybe you think you want to give that music fan something that's not just the latest Pitchfork-blessed album, or a classic reissue. Maybe you want to make an impression by surprising them with something music-related that's so kitschy/bizarre/brilliant it leaves a lasting impression. Below you'll find an eclectic selection of holiday gift ideas for the music fan.

Taylor Swift Keds
Taylor Swift teamed up with Keds to produce a signature pair of red shoes for every girl who wanted to date a Kennedy and then dump him for a British boy band member. For just $50, you can give the gift of cloying independence to a loved one and watch in awe as they awkwardly tell you that you two will never, ever, ever fail to be together. Keds and Taylor have even put together a tracking map for where you can find these shoes, so hit up the site and prevent any chance of someone breaking up with you to "Dear John."

Real talk: I'm a men's size 13 and would love a pair of these.

Bonnie "Prince" Billy perfume
And now for a list of things that the Bonnie "Prince" Billy perfume would smell like, culled from a series of emails: Peanut shells and cracked Volkswagen bus leather, a beard washed in pure Kentucky bourbon and dried with fresh alfalfa, the musk of organic farmer mixed with the soft breeze of a natural spring, and the scent of a hungover banjo player infused the sweetness of a freshly aerated Merlot.

For just $220, you could find out for yourself and come one step closer to becoming the sexiest person alive.

30 Second to Mars apron
Who is more self-important: A) Vegans B) People who like whiny proto-pop punk C) Jared Leto D) Someone who combines all of those. The answer is D, and that person deserves their "Vegan Pancakes or Death" apron, so they can wear it when they make food to the sounds of Jordan Catalano's vanity project.

Clutch beer
New Belgium has made a 9 % alcohol beer for the fan of obscure metal in your life, with this "black as night" sour ale that's a collaboration between the Maryland-based band and their fans at the Colorado brewery.

Major Lazer grinder
For the poor bastard who can't afford anything but nasty swag, there's this Diplo side project-branded grinder. Make sure you pony up the $40 for the deluxe multi-stage metal grinder, so they don't lose any precious keef. Throw in a pack of Snoop Dogg-branded wraps and your gift receiver will be well on their way to forgetting their fun has cost almost 80,000 people their lives in Mexico.

RZA headphones
In an age where every single hip-hop artist has a signature pair of headphones and the money Dr. Dre makes from his brand will keep him from ever having to do another Dr. Pepper commercial or drop another album, why not purchase the only signature headphones from an artist who has done a film with Bill Murray and talked Russell Crowe into acting in his ode to '70s Westerns.

Bonus: The premium headphones come with an LED equalizer. AND THEY'RE CALLED RZA CHAMBERS. These headphones are strictly for the children.

Kinky Friedman's Man In Black Tequila vs. Sammy Hagar's Cabo Wabo Tequila
Which should you buy for your friend who likes to make margaritas and sit on their porch listening to singers who peaked in the '80s? Well, it depends on whether they're from Texas and support a guy who may have hijacked the state's best chance to get Rick Perry out of office, or if they really hate Diamond Dave and think "Right Now" was totally deep. Either way, you sure to score free drink or two if you put one of these in their stockings.

A Tribe Called Quest snapback
Help your early 20-something friend win every snapback war they could possibly find themselves in with the ultimate snapback. This Basketball City A Tribe Called Quest hat is sure to shame anyone's vintage Toronto Raptors top. Just make sure you explain who ATCQ is to them first.

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First off its "shwag" not "swag", and the grinders are used for the good stuff too, not just this "swag" you speak of.

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