Stop Texting and Help That Guy Crowd Surf: The Overserved's Guide to Concert Etiquette

Categories: The Overserved

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Marco Torres
The unusual sight of many phone-free hands in the air, waving like they just don't care, at Fun Fun Fun Fest 7.
It's my favorite three-hour tour, no matter which direction I am heading. Leaving Austin late on a Sunday night, Interstate 35 winding behind me as I speed towards bed, always has the same tone.

See also:
- Fun Fun Fun Fest 7 in review

You spend that ride trying to piece together the disparate parts of the weekend, the three hours spent remembering that friend you never ran into, or the bar you forgot to stop by, hoping you left no incriminating evidence of an indulgent weekend in the hotel. And, oh, right, the music.

And really I could write a whole love letter to Fun Fun Fun Fest specifically. The atmosphere of that festival really does create a singular experience. You don't have to chase the set; on the grounds, folks can relax as they move from stage to stage. People's show manners are on point, folks are generous with the contraband and hand sanitizer. "Secret" off-the-grid house shows are easily located on social media, no secrets for the sake of it. Refreshing.

I'd contribute the whole vibe of the thing to Austin, except that ACL and SXSW are all together different anxiety-producing experiences that generally end in some kind of predictable post-fest rage. And yet, we return.

We need to spread some of the Fun Fun Fun behavior around. I like to break rules, but I tend to mind manners, and after a week of show-gazing, I have concluded that we need some new "What the fuck are you doing with your phone?" guidelines.

For example, are you resting your arm on my back so you can take a video? No, this is against the new rules. Also, did you just drop the guy trying to crowd surf because you were texting? No, man, definite show-fail.

How dark is this club, and how bright is your screen? A thoughtful question to consider. Lastly, the press frequently takes all pictures during the first three songs of a set. Maybe we can agree on that too. You have three songs, and unless the Virgin Mary arrives onstage, put it in your pocket.

The phone, it may as well be our soul. I'm not going to fight it. All of my secrets are in there. But when someone like X or Run-D.M.C. tells you to scream, it's not the moment to have to shove something in your pocket. It's the moment you put your skin in the air and touch the vibrations of sound instead of a screen. So put it up, man, let's have some fun.


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9 comments
bootstompngrind
bootstompngrind

@JustSaying  Good for you! If he uses his steel-toe Docs as a weapon, so should you. I'd have gotten more than a little satisfaction watching you stomp that a-holes glasses into crumbs. Enough to buy you a cold brew for you effort!

zombiezombieyumyum
zombiezombieyumyum

the short girls who are entitled by god to stick their elbow in my back because i won't let them in front of me because i am too tall.

Glenn
Glenn

I actually don't mind crowd-surfers. They're usually young'uns, just drunk and wanting to have fun. No harm, no foul for the most part. My big gripe are simply people who talk and since there's music playing LIVE, they talk even louder! Still never understand it. One thing if it's a bar with music to the side or something. But an actual ticket to go see X band on X stage...and you still yap?!

 

It's usually douche-bag males or ditzy females. Obviously not real concert-goers and unaware of etiquette or those around them. Sometimes they're the same people who simply push through a crowd right as a show is starting and the teeny bit of breathing room you've allowed yourself from the person directly in front of you; these heathens decide to take.

censormeallyouwant
censormeallyouwant

Fuck crowd surfers. They're self centered assholes that ruin everyone else's show. Drop them? I pull them down.

 

100 people using their cell phones are less obnoxious. 

zombiezombieyumyum
zombiezombieyumyum

i forgot to add, and then loudly bitch not to me but about me to everyone standing around me the entire fucking concert in order to ruin it for everyone standing around them when they don't get their way.  you're a psychopath and you're not getting in front of me and you're thisclose to getting my elbow in your nose job.

censormeallyouwant
censormeallyouwant

 @Glenn Have a few of them land on your head so hard you think you broke your neck and you will mind.

JustSaying
JustSaying

 @censormeallyouwant  I know what you mean. I got knocked out on my feet by a crowd surfer at a Pantera show at the state fair coliseum. The crowd was so tight that I couldnt fall down. Luckily I regained my senses within a few seconds. My friend pointed out that it was the same guy that was crowd surfing nonstop that I had already seen. Total self centered asshole that tried to spend the whole show above the crowd. That alone wouldnt have angered me, but this dick would swing his arms and kick his doc marten boots the whole time he was up there. So next time he surfed my way, I snatched his glasses off of his face and punched him as hard as I could right in the nose. I got what felt like a few hundered pats on the back and the jackass surfer that kicked one too many people in the head with a steel toe was never seen again. I also stomped out his glasses for good measure.

 

censormeallyouwant
censormeallyouwant

 @JustSaying Twice I have had a crowd surfer land on my head from behind that snapped my head so hard forward I felt a pain shoot down my entire spine. I seriously thought I was going to be paralyzed. 

 

At least a stage diver I can see coming toward me and prepare or move out of the way.

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