Don't Vomit While An Iconic Song Is Playing, And Other Helpful College Tips

Break the cycle.
The first week of college is here, so the Observer staff is providing you with some tips to get your through the first week/month/year.

See also: Six albums to torture your roommate with

See also: The Overserved, back to school edition

Don't fall in love with someone just because he or she worships the same obscure band you worship. Neither of you wrote that band's songs, so you don't actually have anything in common. It'd be the same as falling in love with someone because he or she likes anchovies, or the movie Party Girl.

Don't expect the recordings of a favorite band to convince someone to fall in love with you.

If you're throwing up after too much drinking, make sure an iconic, classic song is not playing in the background. Otherwise, your gag reflex will be triggered every time you hear that song, for the rest of your life.

Don't try to make a heavy-handed statement with your dorm room posters. Bob Marley wouldn't appreciate you hijacking his worldview for your suite-mates' ultimately meaningless approval.

Upon arrival to any concert or music festival, ask yourself the question, "Why am I really here?" If the answer has nothing to do with music, GET THE FUCK OUT AND STOP WASTING YOUR PARENTS' MONEY.

Don't have sex to any song above 110 beats per minute. That's setting yourself up for pace-related failure.

Don't secretly drop classes mid-semester to follow a mid-level musical act around the country. That band doesn't give a shit about your future.

Question any budding musical movement labeled with the suffix "-wave."

Don't hang out with first-year theater majors. Their show tune selections alternate between A Chorus Line, Spring Awakening and Finian's Rainbow. Too limited.

That guy who walks around campus with his guitar at the ready? He's an asshole.

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okay thats why i throw up everytime i hear 'don't you forget about me'

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