Five Other Names For Toby Keith's New Bar & Grill

toby.jpg
Toby Keith
What was predicted last year in Unfair Park has come true. Country star Toby Keith is bringing his chain-wreck to Dallas. Toby Keith's I Love This Bar & Grill opens May 15, and they're hiring.

Yes, Toby Keith's I Love This Bar & Grill. Google maps says it will be located on Technology Blvd., which intersects with Justice Way, which feels like the punchline to a joke I'm not quite getting yet. In addition to delicacies like fried bologna, Freedom Fries, and Miller Lite, there will be live music at TKILTB&G, which will run through next weekend.

But Tobes, man. The name's too long and unwieldy. Obviously you love the bar and grill you just opened, or you wouldn't have done so. Here are a few suggestions for different names, just in case you want to change it before opening.

Boobs, Meat and Guns
I'm sure Keith's read Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamond's 1997 socio-geographical examination of Eurasian culture, but probably doesn't want to seem too bookish. This is a more fitting tribute, and puts all the finest features up front. Like, right in your face.

Toby Keith's Horse and Person Restaurant
Horse and Person sounds like some trendy Uptown bar with craft beer, doesn't it? This will get that crowd over to Keith's place, and then the social experiment begins!

Statue of Liberty, Soaring Eagle and Jesus' Real American Bar & Grill
Jesus greets and seats you. Surprise! It's actually Jimmy Buffett. He's going to do an impromptu set. Actually, he'll be there all week.

Less Talk More Bacon
Who doesn't love bacon? If you do not love bacon, you will be publicly pelted with empty Red Solo cups and old Dixie Chicks merchandise.

The Angry American
It can function as the "water cooler" or "sounding board" for the patriotically angry Toby Keith fan. Tenderized your own slab of meat by hand! Tell a real, live IRS employee to suck it! Test drive a 2013 Ford F-150!

Any other suggestions?



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19 comments
Meh.
Meh.

"People-Watching Mecca" is pretty apt.

bartender
bartender

AAnd Toby didn't personally open the bar, someone else did in his name.

bartender
bartender

Yall are stupid do your research! They don't serve fried bologna or Miller, or even Coors for that matter! You need to get it right before you start talk smack!

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

i'll be over at Steve Earle's Relapse Lounge

biff
biff

Has Toby Keith ever been Spider-Man?? I think not. Tobey Maguire has, he is the superior Tobey.

Bob Thomas
Bob Thomas

I never trust a guy with a first name for a last name.

WW
WW

"Toby Keith's Place to Get a Drink After You Beat Up an Arab"

ObserverFan
ObserverFan

I, for one, am pleased as puddin' TKILTB&G is blessing us with its presence here in the big D. There just aren't enough places for normal gun totin', terrorist hatin', beer drankin' Texans to be together. I'll put a boot in anyone's ass that disagrees with me. Can I git a YEE HAW? Or at least an AMEN!

Lynda Tinkham
Lynda Tinkham

Although I'm sure you already know this, the bar is named after his song, "I Love This Bar." My suggestion is that you try it before you knock it! The food is amazing, and the place will be packed - as all the rest are. It may not be your type of entertainment, but I dare say there are many country music fans in the area who will love it!

biff
biff

All hat, no cattle.

Or, go the fuck back to Oklahoma.

Steve
Steve

A Fun Place Where Asshole Hipsters and Their Syd Straw Lunchbox Purses Will Not Be.

NewsDog
NewsDog

How about 'Thanks Natalie'

Nick R.
Nick R.

Less Talk More Bacon could also be Toby's food truck

tydance
tydance

Swore I would leave this alone because I guess this was supposed to be a funny article, but you are clueless and he doesn't deserve this remark.  Toby Keith loves his country and he supports the troops.  They can go to any of these ILTB&G establishments and show their ID cards and get a free meal.  This is one of his many thank yous for defending our country.  Also, he just came back from a 14 day tour to entertain the troops in the Middle East and Africa.  It is his 10th year.  How many times of you given to the USO to support our troops for defending your right to live here?  How many times have you started a program that sends much needed electronics to our troops so they can listen to music or send an email home?  How many times have you visited a soldier in a hospital just because he was hurt defending your freedom?  AS I said he didn't deserve your comment

DoubleOJoe
DoubleOJoe

"The food is amazing"

Somehow I doubt this.

"and the place will be packed"

Who cares?  Just because the place is popular doesn't mean it's not a crass and cynical money-grab dressed up in jingoism.

bartender
bartender

The person who opened the location in Oklahoma has NO relation to the one opened here in Dallas..the one in Dallas has the same owner who opened Toby Keith's ALL over the world. If you don't like good country food and music then DON'T GO!

biff
biff

Denser than osmium. I don't like cousin fuckers, so I'll stay away from the establishment.

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