Lady Gaga's VMA Performance Art: 2012-2016

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Wait, Lady Gaga has a tattoo? She's edgy!
One year after showing up on the red carpet in a dress made of raw meat, pop singer Lady Gaga arrived at this year's MTV Video Music Awards dressed as a man, and she remained in character throughout the duration of the show.

Most critics agree that the performance was Gaga's attempt to shine a light on gender politics in the music industry, although some believe it was just an elaborate plot to further confuse Kanye West's sexuality. In the end, it's clear Gaga accomplished both objectives, only not the first one.

Regardless, it will be hard to top. But don't worry. It only gets more powerful.

Behold, the next five years of Lady Gaga MTV Video Music Award Performance Art.

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2012
Gaga shows up covered in blood. Everyone's all like, "Hey, no fair, she already did blood, I want my money back." But then Gaga's publicist is like, "No, it's menstrual blood!" And everyone's like, "Whew." Even cooler: Gaga says she borrowed the blood from young African women in an effort to raise awareness for genital mutilation on that continent. It's bold, it's selfless, it keeps that Seacrest creep a safe distance away.

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2013
She arrives by jet pack. It looks cool from afar, but as she gets closer, it becomes clear she's tarred and feathered, apparently in an effort to illuminate the lasting effects of offshore drilling, as well as the shape of her ass. Pretty much everyone agrees that it's gross except Russell Brand, who upon seeing it finally agrees to do that foursome Gaga's been pushing for with him, Katy Perry and Dudley Moore's corpse.

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2014
Gaga arrives in a motorized wheel chair, part of her year-long experiment to see what it would feel like to be Paraplegic Gaga. (Turns out it feels exactly like being Lady Gaga, only without all the standing.) She performs a duet with Chris Brown and a hundred wheel chair-bound backup dancers, at the end of which she asks Brown to punch her as hard as he can in the face. She pleads with him -- "It's the only place I can feel anymore!" -- but Brown's already into his second swing by the time she gets it out.

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2015
Lady Gaga arrives in character as her former self, Stefani Germanotta, dressed casually in Capri pants and Crocs. She greets everyone with a simple kiss on the cheek, and is earnest and humble on the red carpet. It all makes sense, considering her recently reported relationship with Tim, an assistant Citibank branch manager from Riverside, and the title of her most recent album, Not Born That Way At All, It Turns Out.

As she takes the stage to introduce Best Female Video (she surprised MTV by declining an invitation to perform), Tim the Assistant Branch Manager joins her on stage. Gaga looks surprised. The audience is sure that he's going to propose, and there are whispers that she may announce her retirement. The rumor is she wants to open a bakery in Riverside with Tim's mom.

As Tim reaches into what looks like the pocket of his jeans, Gaga covers her face, attempting to hide that classic there's-a-ring-in-there-I-just-know-it glow. But instead of a ring, Tim unsheathes from his pants out a long, shiny samurai sword, and swings it, effortlessly, through Gaga's unadorned neck.

Her body crumbles to the stage. Her head bounces twice and rolls off the stage toward the feet of an up-and-coming artist named Mary Magdalene, who reaches down, picks up the head, and kisses it passionately on the lips. Everyone cheers except Tim, who suddenly realizes he should have asked his boss about this one.

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Image depicting the non-arrival of Lady Gaga

2016
In a particularly odd twist, Gaga doesn't show up at all. It's initially presented as Gaga's statement on existentialism, which briefly causes a .0025 percent traffic increase for Soren Kierkegaard's Wiki page. But it's later reported by TMZ that she's actually just still dead.



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38 comments
Lil' Monster
Lil' Monster

Not really all too funny...Sorry. Gaga deserves a little more respect than that.

Lance_Lester
Lance_Lester

Kudos to Michael, we've all been successfully trolled.

Diamondless_lucy
Diamondless_lucy

This wasn't the most hilarious article, but gagas 'performance art' (quite nice to actually call it that) lacked creativity and talent. It in no way took a stance on gender play or crossing identities because it was a poorly acted 2 dimensional character who probably just shocked her core audience... teens who are pretty muched shocked by anything that deviates from the norm. She has no talent and it was a waste of time.

MattL1
MattL1

I don't know what everyone is complaining about.  I thought it was pretty funny.

Bpeek7689
Bpeek7689

Joe, really? This is an abortion of journalism. I understand that this was probably intended to be a satire of her extravagant performances and wardrobe, but really this lacks humor, intellect and even a point. This whole piece is one giant pejorative criticism of Lady Gaga who really honestly is evoking self expression, frankly I would rather see lady Gaga dressed as a dude wearing a prosthetic penis at the VMA's anytime over reading your kindergarden garbage you call journalism.

Michael_Enberg
Michael_Enberg

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS RETARDED BULLSHIT??? FUCK YOU JOE TONE, YOU'RE NOT FUNNY AT ALL YOU FUCKING DUMBASS FAGGOT CUNT. YOU'RE STUPIDITY AND RETARDATION BAFFLES ME JOE. DO THE WORLD A HUGE FAVOR AND JUST KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING SAD, PATHETIC, WORTHLESS PILE OF DOG SHIT.

Steve
Steve

Do Weezer now!  Do Weezer!!!

MattL1
MattL1

Nobody is above being openly mocked.  Especially not her.

Lil' Monster
Lil' Monster

Actually, she deserves a lot more respect than that. :/

Michael_Enberg
Michael_Enberg

GAGA HAS "NO TALENT"????? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THAT WAS THE FUCKING FUNNIEST JOKE EVER. ARE YOU A COMEDIAN??? SHE'S EXTREMELY TALENTED AND VERY ARTISTIC. HER PERFORMANCE ART HAS PLENTY OF CREATIVITY AND TALENT. SHE RECENTLY RECORDED A DUET WITH LEGENDARY TONY BENNET, LEGENDS LOVE HER YOU FUCKING SAD, RETARDED FUCKFACE. HER CORE AUDIENCE IS NOT JUST TEENS ASSHOLE, ADULTS LOVE HER TOO. HER FAN BASE IS VERY DIVERSE. I'M 28 AND I'M A HUGE GAGA FAN, I  LOVE HER GREAT MUSIC. HEY I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE JEALOUS OF HER, IT'S OK TO BE. SHE'S AMAZING I UNDERSTAND. IT'S NOT HER FAULT THAT YOU HAVE NO TALENT AT AND DON'T APPRECIATE AND RECOGNIZE REAL RAW TALENT YOU FUCKING SAD, PATHETIC, WORTHLESS PILE OF DOG SHIT, WASTE OF HUMAN LIFE.

Michael_Enberg
Michael_Enberg

ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED??? THIS WAS NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

Ann Forrester
Ann Forrester

This *is* under "Laughs".  I mean, I love love love Lady Gaga.  I have all of her music, I worship her, so please, Michael don't attack me and tell me to die or stalk me or anything.   This article was meant to be funny.  You know, satire.

MattL1
MattL1

Your caps lock is on.  You're welcome.

Joe Tone
Joe Tone

I'LL TAKE THIS UNDER ADVISEMENT.

Lance_Lester
Lance_Lester

OVER REACT MUCH?! (Or is this Kanye West masquerading as a troll?)

LasagnaEastern
LasagnaEastern

 You're 28? I kinda figured you were just an immature 11 year old. Your posts are even creepier coming from a grown-ass man.

MattL1
MattL1

There's no accounting for taste, I suppose.

Michael_Enberg
Michael_Enberg

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL ALIVE FUCKHEAD??? DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO GO KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING PATHETIC, RETARDED FAGGOT CUNT. AND BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF KILL YOU'RE UGLY ASS, WHORE MOTHER YOU FUCKING SAD WORTHLESS PILE OF DOG SHIT, WASTE OF HUMAN LIFE.

Britt
Britt

WOW YOU'RE STILL TALKING IN ALL CAPS!?! 

Michael_Enberg
Michael_Enberg

FUCK YOU DICKHEAD, YOU'RE FUCKING OBNOXIOUS TOO BITCH. GO KILL YOURSELF ALONG WITH THAT SAD, RETARDED QUEER JOE.

Bpeek7689
Bpeek7689

your kind of obnoxious- michael 

Michael_Enberg
Michael_Enberg

YES HE DOES, THAT RETARDED HOMO DOES DESERVE A FUCKING BULLET IN HIS HEAD. ACTUALLY MORE THAN ONE, HE DESERVES 10 FUCKING BULLETS IN HIS MOTHERFUCKING HEAD.

Bpeek7689
Bpeek7689

Michael- Really the homo comment and the death comments. Joe doesnt deserve a bullet but maybe a clue. Calm down. 

MattL1
MattL1

Nope, you missed it.  It's the key to the left of the "A."

Michael_Enberg
Michael_Enberg

YES I'M OK BITCH, ARE YOU OK THERE DRAYKE? WHAT HUMOR THIS FUCKFACE WAS NOT FUNNY AT ALL. JOE DESERVES TO FUCKING DIE.

Michael_Enberg
Michael_Enberg

FUCK JOE, THIS RETARDED HOMO WAS NOT FUNNY AT ALL. HE DESERVES A FUCKING BULLET IN HIS FUCKING HEAD.

Schmidt
Schmidt

Um...are you OK there Michael? I'm a huge, HUGE Gaga fan, and this post was a bit over-the-top, but so is Gaga. Gotta have a sense of humor. The humor came across more than a bit mean-spirited, but whatever. I chose to read the post. Besides, do you really think Gaga would want you to defend her by calling someone a "faggot cunt" and telling them to kill themselves? Calm yourself...

Bpeek7689
Bpeek7689

yeah, you need to calm down....not that big a deal. and Gaga fan or not- she would hate the things you've said. No agreement with Joe (hes filled with hate) but your comments are disturbing. 

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