Ten Songs To Get You Through International Kissing Day
As if Valentine's Day wasn't bad enough, now we have International Kissing Day to annoy the pants off anyone who doesn't have someone to smooch on.
Apparently, Kissing Day was dreamed up as an advertising scheme by a British dental insurance company, which adds to its lack of charm [insert joke about British dental care here]. Why can't people just go back to making up pointless holidays as an excuse for drinking too much? Not that International Kissing Day couldn't be used as an excuse for drinking too much -- the mere thought of such a nauseating fake holiday is enough to drive one to drink, even if one does have a consenting kissing partner.
So, in the spirit of hating on National Kissing Day, we've collected 10 anti-love songs for those whose kissing partner on this holiest of days is a bottle full of something that may have alternate uses as an antiseptic solution.
GWAR's "I Hate Love Songs"
Seeing cute things makes GWAR wanna puke. And, rest assured, they will -- all over the front row of the audience, no doubt.
J. Geils Band's "Love Stinks"
Hearkening back to that scene in The Wedding Singer where Adam Sandler gets wasted and sings this classic anti-love tune.
Def Leppard's "Love Bites"
An exotic-dancer mainstay in which Joe Elliott gets angry (well, as angry as Joe Elliott can get) about getting cheated on.
Lil Wayne's "I Hate Love"
In which Weezy gets angry about getting cheated on, just like Joe Elliott (sort of). Unlike Joe Elliott, Weezy's pretty serious.
Magnetic Fields' "How Fucking Romantic"
"Drag another cliché /howling from the vaults," croons Stephin Merritt. He's being sarcastic, of course.
Twisted Sister's "Love Is For Suckers"
Mister Sister himself, Dee Snider, waxes poetic about how love is for losers, love is for suckers.
Mountain Goats' "No Children"
Perhaps one of the catchiest -- and angriest -- breakup songs ever.
Alice Cooper's "Poison"
Alice tried to kiss you, but your lips are venomous poison. So much for Kissing Day.
Dead Milkmen's "If You Love Someone, Set Them On Fire"
Burning stuff up is more fun than kissing, anyways.
Gang of Four's "Anthrax"
"Love'll get you like a case of anthrax / and that's something I don't want to catch." Indeed, Gang of Four. Indeed.