BUZZ KILL: Fifteen Songs About What Happens To You When You Do Drugs.

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Good morning, potheads. Enjoy your wake and bake? Good, good, glad to hear it. We hope your early-morning sesh was, like, "totally killer."

Where were we, you ask?

Oh. About that. Well, sorry to "harsh your mellow" and all, but, um, some of us don't work behind the counter at the local head shop; we have actual, real jobs that require us to be places between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., and we can't just wander around participating in all those "chill" activities you and your buddies have so diligently planned for your fake holiday today.

So, on that note, we present you with what's sure to be "a major buzz kill." Yes, that's right: We've compiled a list of songs about not doing drugs -- or at least songs that serve as a little bit of a warning about where these illicit substances can take you.

Why? Because there are way too many songs glorifying you and your stupid-ass dreads. Also: Because we have real jobs.

See our list after the jump. And, if you don't like it, try reading it on weed.

15. Marilyn Manson -- "Coma White"



In the chorus, Manson sings that "all the drugs in the world won't save her from herself." Well, guess what, stoner? He's talking to your dumb, unable-to-interpret-metaphors ass.

14. The Verve -- "The Drugs Don't Work"



It's in the song title, stupid.

13. Jimmy Eat World -- "Drugs or Me"




Pick one, already. (HINT: Don't pick drugs.)

12. Red Hot Chili Peppers -- "Under The Bridge"



Sure, do drugs. Then end up homeless, sleeping under a bridge, talking asinine bullshit about how the city is your "only friend," and all that. Good choice.

11. Guns N' Roses -- "Mr. Brownstone"



You know what happens if you used to do a little, but a little wouldn't do it? Some dude dances with you. And then he won't leave you alone.


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17 comments
Creeees
Creeees

gonna get mad clicks on this one

wascallywabbit
wascallywabbit

Drugs are....................................Whaaa, my computers still on? Damn, thats not good or is.................

mommadillo
mommadillo

I burn a nice fat one every day after I get home from work, and I'll compare my paycheck to yours any day of the week. Unless the payscale for the sort of "journalists" who write for VV weeklies has improved dramatically, you'll lose.

I always wondered what sort of halfwit actually bought all the DARE propaganda. Now I know.

TLS
TLS

Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit" kept me from ever trying acid. I didn't like knowing if I was going to be small or tall or fall when chasing rabbits. Very scary.

frank
frank

Chinese Rocks by Johnny Thunders & the Heartbreakers the original or as covered by the Ramones or Richard Hell & the Voidoids.

Relvis Presley
Relvis Presley

most embarrassing observer comments in the history of observer comments

ConcernedUser
ConcernedUser

Stereotype city. You don't have a "REAL" job it seems... Really this is your real job lol Goof. Anyways I've smoke with people from all walks of life, from many job fields. Doctors, Lawyers, Engineers, people how have their Masters and PhD's, and even a couple millionaires. So sorry to harsh your mellow sir but next time you make a list of songs and call that a career, you should choose songs written and done by individuals that don't use drugs. Happy 4:20

Pep09
Pep09

I would put "Mother's Little Helper" - Jagger/Richards ahead of the majority listed here. Unless prescription abuse among housewives isn't frowned upon here.

skinna
skinna

I was stoned when I read that article, and it still wasn't funny

Jillmomma77
Jillmomma77

Really? That's a big stereotype! Were talking about pot not crack or heroin. Dumb article! Most people with "real jobs" smoke weed too.

Steve Sandwich
Steve Sandwich

So being the Local Music Fag for a free Weekly is a real job?

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