BUD LIGHT HOTEL FOREVAH HAHAHA LOL

Categories: Last Night
Kesha_walker.jpg
Patrick Michels
Ke$ha sings a song called "Dinosaur," which is about not wanting to have sex with old dudes.
WHAT IT DO D-TOWN?? LOL.

First off, let me say that I am real fuckin' glad we didn't have to wait in that three-block line to get into the BUD LIGHT HOTEL last night! Corbin from Rhino's friend's broker scored us sweet VIP tix and we were inside that bigass tent like Kail was inside that stripper bitch rawdog last weekend LOL. I think he's still tryina wash off the glitter from his dick hahahaha.

SHOTS FIRST YA HEARD. I had the bartender serve us ten of their finest Grey Goose pours into some BUD LIGHT plastic cups which was real ghetto but haha whatevs we can slum it in the VIP if we have to, right dudes? I got her to put some cranberry in it for the girls because they're fuckin' girls. LOL. And you better believe we didn't pay a dime for those bad boys cause we're VIP hahaha. REPRESENTIN!

So Pitbull was up first and that dude is a motherfucking Latin pimp and some shit. He had this slick-ass suit on and these shades that were just screamin' like, "Please, one hot-ass pussy at a time, ladies, form a line!" LOL. Dude sampled "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and the crowd fuckin' LOST IT!! Fuckin' Nirvana man, I love that band.

Kesha_crowd.jpg
Patrick Michels
Glitter and shit.
And yo dude I don't know if you were on TV last night but WE FUCKIN' WERE! Fuckin' VIP! Jimmy Kimmel, that fat bastard, was broadcastin' the BUD LIGHT HOTEL party live on his show and it was fucking tight.

So then Tatum was clutch bringing back brews for everybody from the bar cause right when she got back the house DJ played fuckin' BON JOVI LIVIN' ON A PRAYER which has been our jam for like ever and we fuckin' did that shit up RIGHT. AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A FIST PUMP PARTY HAHAHA.

Of course it wouldn't have been VIP if there hadn't been some sweet fuckin' bitches on hand, and in that vein, BUD LIGHT HOTEL delivered and a fuckin' HALF. This one slut in some real little football shorts and these fuckin' fuck-me boots bent over to pick up her drink or some shit and I was like HEY HOLD UP IMA GET OVER ON YOU REAL FAST LIKE MICHAEL VICK AND GET A SHOT OF YOUR ASS WITH MY IPHONE!! I made that shit my fuckin' wallpaper and now it's like goin' to bonertown every time I check my fantasy b-ball stats. KOBE WOULD APPROVE I THINK LOL.

Thumbnail image for Kesha_crowdglowing.jpg
Patrick Michels
Sunglasses indoors, yo! And at night!
The girls were fuckin' freakin' out when Ke$ha played, but that shit was fuckin' weird if you ask me. I mean she's OK looking but DAMN what was with the dude dancers in spandex on stage with walkers? Nobody wants to see some dude's junk all flyin' around on fuckin' stage.

So yeah sorry Ke$ha, but let's keep the dude junk to a minimum and GET SOME MORE HOT PUSSY ON STAGE HAHAHAH LOL. I thought Lila's panties were gonna fall STRAIGHT OFF when Ke$ha played that fuckin' TIK TOK song, she was so excited. And man, I will fuckin' fist pump to that shit because any bitch that brushes her teeth with a bottle of jack probably sucks a pretty good D. J/K HAHAH LOL.

Dudes, we peaced out after that because we were so fuckin' wasted and Rhys was gettin' this fuckin' weird-ass side eye from some dude who was like, real fuckin' interested in watching this BUD LIGHT bitch airbrush a fake tattoo on his six-pack. Like dude, have some fuckin' respect for a man and his game, right? Still, it was a fuckin' SWEET ASS NIGHT and we fuckin' DID IT UP like the VIP's we are. I will see you assholes at P. DIDDY TONIGHT WE DOIN IT AGAIN!!!!!! CAN'T BE STOPPED 2011.

LOL.

Location Info

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Aloft Las Colinas

122 E. John Carpenter Freeway, Irving, TX

Category: General

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22 comments
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Lilly
Lilly

The DJ's name is BARRY CAREW and he rocked! Just thought I would point that out and maybe you would give him props in your article :) Fun Blog!

Beth
Beth

Why was there no mention of "The Situation" not showing up in Dallas? As far as I am concerned he is just as big a tool as all the other "celebs" that were gracing our great city with their awe inspiring presence and epic intellect. All I know is the IQ draining minions have scampered back to their hovels and we can talk about Cool Stuff in Dallas again!!!

Jas
Jas

What the fuck did i just read?

matt
matt

it's ke$ha. that bitch blows ass.

Amy
Amy

i love that all of these commenters are equating douchebaggery and Dallas.

Douchebaggery is bad.

Dallas is not.

Moral of the story.

Also: if you think she didn't hear most of these phrases while there, you're fucking delusional.

matt
matt

these commenters probably live in allen

*ke$ha 4eva*

Steve
Steve

I think Not Impressed might be, like me, worn out by the recent "everything suuux" mentality the DO has taken. You magnify the douchiest elements of the area, and take an ironic, yet clearly hateful stance in a report about a Goddamned Ke$ha show.

Your complete derision of Dallas in your last article was jarring, and a little sad, at least from the perspective of someone (me, Steve Sandwich) who has lived in Dallas for the past 20 years, really, and has been surrounded by the good and the douchey. But when I tell newcomers or visiters about my home, I tell them about the great things, instead of using the conversation as a platform to spout sour grapes.

I think it might be your own drawers that need loosening.

And by the way, if Dallas is sooo shitty and douchey and you're all soooo over it, what the fuck is with the incessant barrage of WHORE pics from all the "VIP" monosyballically named douche bars?? What are you, fuckin' Quick??!

Andrea Grimes
Andrea Grimes

That's too bad, Steve, because I love Dallas. I've lived in New York City, London and Austin and chose Dallas, again, because I love this place and its potential and people and culture. To that end, I can't stand the things about it that suck. And if you can't laugh about the sucky parts, I don't see how you could stand to stay in ANY place.

In fact, I'd warrant that the majority of what I write at the Observer deals with things about Dallas that are interesting and worthwhile. So I don't feel bad about razzing on the Hell On Earth that is the Bud Light Hotel. I mean, a beer company BUILT HELL in the middle of our downtown. That's both newsworthy and snarkworthy. (Though I don't think there was anything particularly "Dallas" about the Bud Light Hotel, and this particular post doesn't even refer to Dallas apart from the fact that that's where the shithole was. The Bud Light Hotel would have been just as terrible in Portland or Brooklyn or Oklahoma City. In fact, one might infer from this article that one of the reasons I hated the Bud Light Hotel so much was the fact that it attracted and concentrated so much assbaggery in the city I love.)

If you want non-stop DFW cheerleading, you can always go to the DMN or the Startlegram. I mean, the DMN can't even bring itself to criticize the Trinity River debacle. Those of us who bitch about Dallas, at least here at the Observer, do it because we love the place and want to hold it to a higher standard.

For what it's worth, I hate the fucking slide shows, too.

Steve
Steve

I don't want non-stop cheerleading, but how is it that Wilonsky can criticize Dallas and yet make me appreciate the city and its potential more (because he clearly loves Dallas), and lately all you ever do is bring me down?

The articles leading up to the Super Bowl, especially the Visitor's Guide, might have been classic satire, but that was lost on the Goddamned VISITORS who aren't in on the joke. Couldn't that issue have used a little cheerleading?

Andrea Grimes
Andrea Grimes

I don't know why my stuff brings you down. Maybe you just don't like it. Which is fine.

Anyway, you're barking up the wrong tree by complaining to me about the visitor's guide. That's a letter-to-the-editor kind of situation. And I probably wouldn't disagree with you if you did so.

William
William

I agree 110% with you.

MattL1
MattL1

I think I can safely infer that your take on the show was less than positive.

Not impressed.
Not impressed.

This is just god awful. Andrea, I get what you're trying to do, but take it easy. It's really not as funny as you think it is. Why this publication let you even publish this is disappointing. And I've lost a little respect for the Dallas Observer and its employees for letting this garbage out. Sure, it's a funny idea in theory and in small doses, maybe on a personal blog that doesn't reach hundreds of thousands of DFW residents. I just wasted a few minutes of my life I now can never get back. Write something of some substance, will you?

AndreaGrimesSucksBalls
AndreaGrimesSucksBalls

i 100% agree. Andrea this is humorless and tasteless. no need to write such disgusting things....with such horrible language at that. Shame on you Dallas Observer for not taking this offensive pile of garbage down immediately. Andrea you're a poor excuse for anything. particularly a writer. but also a human being. and especially a woman.

Andrea Grimes
Andrea Grimes

Something of substance like the multiple cover stories and news blogs about crime and city politics I write on a regular basis? Like that kind of substance? Unwad the drawers and cut loose, Not Impressed.

phe_75034
phe_75034

I dunno, Evan. I'm going with genius.

Evan
Evan

d-bags attend Nelly concert - film at 11.

Evan
Evan

worse than whitt

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