Eight Reasons Why Your Major Music Store Chain Employee Hates You

Most music megastores have disappeared. Fast.

The two Virgin Megastores I worked at--the first being Dallas' Mockingbird and 75 location, the second on the Sunset Strip in Los Angeles--are now defunct.

The similar big boxes that remain--whether they be Target, Best Buy or Barnes & Noble--are mega for a reason: They sell more than just music.

Which brings me to the point of this list: when chains don't die, Virgin Megastore-esque, mall-based music giants tend to bring in a range of double-rainbow-level-intense people.

Some of you (you may know who you are) are an enormous pain in the ass to an employee who has been filing CDs in the L-Z section of Country. I'm not complaining about the job or directly insulting anyone, but a little context helps.

Just so you know: Here are some reasons why major music store employees hate you.

1. You're an Amazing, Brilliant Expert.
Let me share a scenario, nearly identical to one that once occurred to me:

[Customer approaches employee.]
Customer: "Do you have 'Tiny Dancer' by Tim McGraw?"
Employee: "You mean Tim McGraw's cover of 'Tiny Dancer'? Yeah, I heard that at the movies."
Customer: "No, not the cover. The original song, by Tim McGraw."
Employee: "Well, the original was by Elton John."
Customer [becoming angry, frustrated]: "No, I don't think so. You know what? I'll find it."

[Scoffs, walks away.]

Breaking news: You're not a music expert. You're just like the rest of us--you like music that makes you feel good, and you shoot for that. Pretending to know everything about music is just a waste of time. The employee doesn't know either, and if he or she thinks "expert" is a label they deserve, than they are also full of shit.

2. You blame the employee for obvious corporate-run policies.
Once, at one of the Dallas stores, we gave out some of "Buy 10 Get 1 Free" stamp cards. The thing was--they expired after three months. Yes, that truly sucks, but I didn't make the rule. Some asshat, corporate puppy-eater did. So, to the guy who, when told of the expired card in what I perceived to be a congenial manner, tore the card up in rectangles and tossed the entire remnants in my face: Thanks. I worked there for one purpose: Free CDs. All the other rules were made by Richard Branson's lapdogs.

3. You have to use the public restroom--and get upset when there isn't one.
Emergencies are understandable (diarrhea excluded). One of the stores I worked at in Dallas had no public restroom. Sucks, yes--especially when you're carrying all of those Urban Outfitter bags and you have a few gallons of macchiato in your bladder. It's a real problem. Be a mature human: Accept the fate and move to another restroom. Why chance your genitals exploding because you want to scream at an 18-year old employee anyway?

4. You don't understand why you can't return a CD that's open.
Dude, you opened it!

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