The Problem With... "Can't Be Tamed" by Miley Cyrus
I usually don't go after underage artists (har dee har, guys) in this column. Most of the kids you see on the charts are likely being paraded around by their parents and music industry captains with little artistic integrity on their part.
So, it's not usually their fault they're making bad music.
After you turn 18, thought, there are no excuses.
This is exactly why I've relented on trashing a Justin Beiber track in this column--that, and the fact that the teenage-girl mosh pits are sure to confront me if I go after their unattainable, Twittering, bad-tempered beloved.
However, something is bugging me. Apparently, prolific pop star Miley Cyrus wants to be treated as an adult now--while still keeping her gig on the wholesome Disney Channel for the foreseeable future.
That's the message we are getting from her latest single "Can't Be Tamed." Miley--or whoever is calling the shots---is trying to have it both ways, I guess. She wants to be treated like an adult? Fine.
First lesson: Learn to deal with criticism from cynical bastards.
The track "Can't Be Tamed" calls back to every other time that nearly-of-age artists get reinvented as edgy, gritty and sexy. As if sexy wasn't a pole--uh, I mean point--already with Miley.
Sometimes it works, as was the case with Rihanna's "Disturbia." More often, it turns out awful--like Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty" and Britney Spears' "I'm a Slave 4 U".
Actually, it might have been the bad spelling that did those in.
Speaking of Britney, this track sounds like a rip-off of a more recent track of hers: "If You Seek Amy." The vacuum-cleaner synthesizers? Check. That beat out of Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus" that made a comeback this decade? Check. Self-important lyrics? Check.
Another amusing point in the lyrics was her utterance of the word "hell." My, my, Miley. how G-rated naughty of you.
Bart Simpson would like a word.
The music video makes Miley look like a poorly-conceived mash up of Rihanna, Hawkgirl and daddy Billy Ray--just look at that mullet!
The risque clothing and dance moves, although not unheard of among 17-year-old stars, is still awkward given her Disney audience and that whole whore-or-nun choice women her age are subjected to.
Hell, that's probably what caused Lindsey Lohan to freak out.
Apparently, the album this appears as if it will be the last before she sets of to a full-time acting career.
Which is fine. Good, even. But this track? Probably not the best way to bow out of music.