Year in Review: The Worst Lyrics of 2009 Aren't Trying for Funny, But Get There Just the Same

By Ben Westhoff Wed., Dec. 9 2009 at 4:20 PM

The lowest common denominator having been achieved in 2005 with the release of the Black Eyed Peas' Monkey Business, popular musicians have had to work extra hard in recent years to find new and inventive ways to be inane.

They found great success in 2009, with artists as varied as Lady Gaga, Bruce Springsteen and Royce da 5'9" making the nation collectively dumber, one lyric at a time.

On that note, here are the top ten most unintentionally hilarious song lyrics of the year.

Jeremih, "Birthday Sex"

We can float on top my waterbed /You close your eyes as I improv between your legs

What is this, Second City? The Groundlings? Where, exactly, can one take a class in this particular brand of improv?

3OH!3, "Don't Trust Me"

Shush girl/Shut your lips/Do the Helen Keller And talk with your hips

Halfway through the writing of "Don't Trust Me," the members of 3OH!3 apparently called a meeting. "Sure, we're already referring to the song's female protagonist as a 'ho,' which is pretty offensive, considering we're white guys," imparted singer Sean Foreman. "But is there a way we could step it up a little? Like, maybe reference the most beloved disabled figure of all time in a derogatory manner?" "It's not going to be easy," said partner Nathaniel Motte. "But I've got an idea."

Lady Gaga, "LoveGame"

Let's have some fun/This beat is sick/I want to take a ride on your disco stick

The literal roots of "disco stick" remain something of a mystery. Is it something like a glow stick? A pogo stick? As far as sexual metaphors aimed at appealing to very young children, however, it somehow bests Lil Wayne's "Lollipop," 50 Cent's "Amusement Park" and Lil Kim's "Magic Stick." Bravo, Gaga!