Wait, Why Did I Just Eat a KFC Double Down?

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Nick Rallo
What have I done?

Should I be experiencing fear? What did I expect, after rolling through the KFC drive-thru, cautiously, and saying -- with a finger point of purpose -- "I'll have the Double Down"? Simply because it recently returned to the menu after a probably sensible absence? Should I expect more from a sandwich that's named after the 100 percent increase of a bet?

Am I Double Downing on the bet that my liver will turn into a bloated raft made of fried bits?

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Jonathon from Jonathon's Oak Cliff Butt Dialed Me, and Now I Have to Eat This Giant Waffle

Categories: Whimsy

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Yesterday my phone rang with an unrecognized number. I upgraded my phone a few months ago and lost about 10 percent of my contacts, and since calls from numbers that aren't in my contacts usually end up being of a sales pitch of some sorts I always let it go to voicemail.

Then I got a text. It was from Jonathon Erdeljac from Jonathon's Oak Cliff, maker of some of Dallas' best brunch gut bombs.


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The Best Beer Ever Depends on More Than Which Beer You Drink

Categories: Brews News, Whimsy

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LDD


This weekend McKinnney-based craft brewery Franconia shared a link to an article from Blog About Beer about the top five beers in the world. I'm imagining a monk in a cave in a forgotten forest in Bavaria who just released a beer graced with angel tears. Or specks of unicorn horn. And the horn is made of pure Bavarian chocolate. The five best beers in the world, according to Logan Thompson on Blog About Beer are:

1. The Beer That's In Your Hand
2. The Beer You're Having Next
3. The Best Beer You Can Remember
4. The Beer That's Free
5. The Beer You Made

My feelings on the local craft beer scene go like this: so many flavors, so little time. Which is complicated by my New Year's resolution to drink only on weekends, which we all know technically start on Thursdays at 4 p.m. and include Mondays too, because -- ugh -- Mondays.


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A Couple's Whole Foods Romance Led to This Probably Not-Staged Proposal Video

Categories: Whimsy

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Chivalry isn't dead. It's just lurking near the aisle with all the vegan whey products.

A video making the Internet rounds shows Vladimir Romannikov proposing to his girlfriend, Monica Dehombre, at a Whole Foods in South Florida. It's the kind of viral advertising that usually requires an illegally obtained monkey.

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Five New Year's Resolutions for Dallas Food Lovers That Are Actually Fun

Categories: Whimsy

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Maybe it's time we rethink how we handle our resolutions.
If you're like most everyone, you're already having trouble with your New Year's resolutions. Maybe you haven't folded yet, but surely the gears of self-doubt have begun to turn, challenging your will to move forward. Eventually you'll crumble, hanging this year's resolution in the closet, ready to be dusted off again in preparation for next year's failure.

Personal change is hard. But maybe one of the reasons we never succeed past late March is because most of the goals we try to attain aren't the least bit of fun to work on. Only weirdos enjoy cutting calories, and if you liked working out you wouldn't have to resolve to do it. And while becoming debt free might feel good, the act of paying down your debt is as alluring as eating a tablespoon of iodized salt. No wonder we fail.

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My Worst Dallas Food Photos of 2013

Categories: Whimsy

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The picture that started it all
Remember this choriqueso from El Tizoncito? The picture, taken in 2011, was so bad it gave me the idea to look at all of my photos from that year in a hunt for the worst, and it turned out that the heap of cheese and sausage one commenter likened to horse vomit was only one of of many bad photos I'd taken. I was forced to admit the obvious: I am a terrible food photographer.

The exercise has become a sort of annual self-deprecative tradition that has proven entertaining and has also given me a way to gauge my progress as I work to better my skills with a camera. The good news: I think I'm starting to see some modest improvement. The bad news: not really.

Here are this year's worst food photos, taken by your humble food critic.

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What the Empty Shelves at Whole Foods Say about Dallasites and Icemageddon

Categories: Whimsy

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Wherefore art thou bananas?
If you wandered into a grocery store last night, chances are you encountered a larger than normal number of cracked-out shoppers stuffing their carts as if they'd never see another grocery store again. Common convention says that milk and toilet paper are core staples for faux-apocalyptic preparedness, but when I wandered into the Lakewood Whole Foods last evening both items were still spilling off the shelves. In fact, other than what seemed like a few more customers than normal in the store, everything seemed pretty typical until I got to the produce section and saw the bananas had vanished. Only a bunch or two of those weird red bananas remained.

I didn't know that bananas were something that people kept on hand in case of hard times, so I started poking around the store to see what else had been snapped up by these cautious Dallasites. Here's what I found.

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Miracle Whip Versus Mayo: What's Your Thanksgiving Sandwich Spread of Choice?

Categories: Whimsy

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kthread
The day after Thanksgiving is known for two things. For those with materialistic inclinations, Black Friday is a day to shop till your AMEX hurts. For those who prefer couches, televisions, magazines and food, this is the greatest sandwich day of the year. But the biggest question isn't what is the best order to layer turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce. The biggest question is what sandwich condiment will you choose.

Chances are you made up your mind long ago and have no interest in changing it. Me either.

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A Visual Guide to Pizza Styles (Infographic)

Categories: Food Porn, Whimsy

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Click here to embiggen.
For some people pizza is a simple question: pepperoni or meat lovers? Toppings are a source of unending variation and argument, but just as important is the style and preparation of the pizza. And to help clarify the differences in those styles (and to get some pretty slick marketing out there), Cane Rosso and Zoli's NY Pizza Kitchen have created a handy infographic, showing the styles each restaurant features.

So if you prefer a saggy tip, anchovy-heavy sauce or classic shredded mozzarella, this chart can help you figure out which way to go.

See also: Cane Rosso Coming to Cowtown

Five Perfect Drinks for Your Juice Cleanse!

Categories: Whimsy

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A friend of mine told me she was on the last day of her juice cleanse the other day. She didn't seem very happy. In fact, she couldn't wait to eat real food again. As she sipped her juice, I felt bad for her. Immediately, I knew she hadn't enjoyed her cleanse because she had simply chosen the wrong juice drinks. Cleanses can be fun, you guys. I promise. You just have to know what juices to drink. Warning ahead of time: This could get expensive. Juice-cleansing is pricy. But it's worth the results. You just have to stay committed to it. Without further ado, here are the five best juice recipes for your juice cleanse (in no particular order):

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