Nick Rallo

Matt McCallister made oreos with Bartles & Jaymes wine cooler sherbet in between.

The Box, if you haven't been following along, is the Cheap Bastard's brainchild, wherein chefs turn a box full o' crap and turn it into foodstuffs. Between Brian C. Luscher's weird-ass terrine of spam and quail eggs and the twinkie crowning inside a banana with homemade nutella, we've gotten some pretty wild stuff.

So, over in our slide show section, we've put together all the chef creations in one place (with fancy video links and such).

Alice and I will be along with more, for sure, as stumping these chefs' considerable talents is proving difficult. Maybe we'll just give the next chef a giant, horrifying gummy worm or something.

That's not bottled water.

Welcome to the return of The Box, the mean-ass game we play with chefs in town just because we like seeing these important-types give us the stink eye. Last time, Chef Chad Houser gave our The Box the stink eye and then made us fancy Easter Dinner out of Peeps and popcorn. This time, we gave our The Box to Good 2 Go Taco's Chef Jeana Johnson.

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Aaand obviously: mortadella.

Welcome to the return of The Box. Last time, Craig Cottier turned the ingredients from The Box into radass St. Paddy's Day drinks. This time, we gave our big box of crap to Chad Houser, Cafe Momentum do-er and Parigi cheffer ("Parigi" means "fucking delicious deviled eggs" in French talk).

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Nick Rallo

NHS Tavern made these awesome drinks using ingredients from our big box o' crap.

Last week, we asked Neighborhood Services Tavern mixologist Craig Cottier to use the ingredients in our The Box (shown below) to make us three St. Patrick's Day-appropriate drinks that don't taste like Hulk splooge.

Yep. Somewhere in those drinks is a russet potato, mint jelly and weird, carbonated melon drink from Japan.

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...And a potato.

Welcome to the return of The Box. Last time, Matt McCallister turned the ingredients from the box into a bunch of awesome Super Bowl appetizers. This time, we gave our big box of crap to Craig Cottier, the surprisingly unbearded drink-mixer-man at Neighborhood Services Tavern. (Seriously, can you mix drinks in this town without some kind of jokey facial hair? Let's find out.)

When we asked Cottier if we should refer to him as a bartender or a mixologist, he replied, "Mixtender." Oh, man. This is going to be so much fun.

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Alice Laussade

Hey, Box: Not sure if you knew, but Matt McCallister is about to own you.

​​​Once a month or so, we invite a new lucky soul to attempt to conquer The Box. Their challenge: To create something awesome out of whatever ingredients are in the box. It's like Chopped plus Punk'd, only less terrible. This month, Campo's Matt McCallister attempts to make some Super Bowl appetizers that don't suck. (Primarily out of ingredients that do suck.)

McCallister was given two days to create one or two Super Bowl appetizers that elevate the variety of awesome, locally sourced (at Target on Abrams) ingredients found in the box. Box contents:

Velveeta (brick), Rotel, Oreo cookies (Double Stuf), Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers (Fuzzy Navel), Funyuns, Ruffles (Molten Hot Wings), Hebrew National Hot Dogs Ranch Dip powder mix, Archer Farms Multigrain Chips (Fiesta Seven Layer Dip)

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Mmm. Fuzzy Navel.

Welcome to the return of The Box. Last time, Trailercakes turned our big box of crap into two delicious cupcakes. This time, Chef Matt McCallister of Campo will get a chance to turn a box of chips, hot dogs and wine coolers into something that's actually edible.

Here's the challenge, as I sent it to him:

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Can Dr Pepper Ten and Red Vines equal crazy-delicious?

​Once a month or so, we invite a new lucky soul to attempt to conquer The Box. Their challenge: To create something awesome out of whatever ingredients are in the box. It's like Chopped plus Punk'd, only less terrible. This month, Trailercakes attempts to save Katy Perry and Russell Brand's failing marriage.

Trailercakes' challenge: Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting divorced. Fix it. With cupcakes. Create two cupcakes (one for Katy Perry and one for Russell Brand) that are so freaking amazing that these two will see fireworks in each other's naughty bits once again. Everything in the box had to be used, but adding extra ingredients, (like flour, sugar and whatever crack cocaine usually goes into the base of one of those mind-blowing Trailercakes cupcakes) was fine.

Box contents:

Actual apples
Dr Pepper Ten
Beef Jerky
Red Vines
Combos (pretzel and cheese)
Pop Tarts (frosted strawberry)
Ring Pops
Starburst
Nerds (Rainbow)
Kool-Aid (Tropical Fruit)
3/4 bottle Honey Jack Daniel's (I was thirsty)

When I dropped off the box with (poor, unsuspecting) Amanda Garrison, pastry chef at Trailercakes, her eyeballs went all, "Are you fucking kidding me with this Pop Tarts and beef jerky shit?" Almost made me feel bad. Almost.

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Somehow, Trailercakes will turn this box of crap (and Jack Daniels) into two awesome cupcakes.

Welcome to the return of The Box. Last time, The Grape's Brian C. Luscher turned our box of crap into a badass quail egg terrine. This time the cupcakers at Trailercakes will get a chance to turn a box of WTF into something wonderful.

Here's the challenge, as I sent it to them:

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The Box. Note the baby food. Yum.

We all know that Dallas chefs are great at cheffing. So we thought it might be fun to give them a chance to show off their chef creativity and skills with a new challenge we'll be calling "The Box." Once a month or so, we'll invite a new lucky soul to attempt to conquer The Box. Their challenge will be to create something awesome out of whatever ingredients are in the box. It'll be like Chopped plus Punk'd, only less terrible. We'll feature everyone from fancy chefs to food truck owners. This month, it's Brian C. Luscher, chef/owner of The Grape. And it's a doozy.

The task for Luscher was simple: Make a fancy appetizer out of the ingredients in The Box. At least one item must be fried (FRY IT!!). If he chooses to opt out of one ingredient, that's fine. But if he doesn't use the ingredient, he has to eat it while I eat his appetizer creation.

Box contents:

Natural Light
Spam (with bacon!)
Easy Cheese
Pickled quail eggs with jalapeños
Cheetos
Hot chocolate mix
Baby food (apples & apricots)
Vienna sausages

When I dropped off Luscher's The Box, before he saw the contents, he asked, "Should this be, like, refrigerated or anything?" Me: "Nope." Him: "Dammit."

Then we gave him three days to come up with something great. With all those choice ingredients at his disposal, this should be a breeze, right?

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