Avocados are delicious AND shy. They're hiding.

This Meatless Monday started off like every other Meatless Monday, with a silent panic growing more powerful as the clock ticks down to 12. Breakfast on Meatless Monday is easy, mostly because it's Monday, I'm usually running late for work and I haven't (yet) discovered a meat-based cereal. I'm looking at you Ham-n-Chex, cereal of the future. Lunch, on the other hand, lands me in a world of hurt. Each step out of the office taunts me with the same eight words:

Where the shit am I going to eat?

See also:
Meatless Monday: Now Served With a Side of Cash

Meatless Monday makes this decision infinitely more difficult. I have an hour, must account for traffuck! traffic and must adhere to the guidelines that serve to uphold the valor of a one-day-per-week vegetarian. Without eating fries and ice cream. Or fries dipped in ice cream. Or fried ice cream. I wish I was a carnie at the fair.

More »

The unfaltering advocates of Meatless Monday challenge you to extend your Monday foray into vegetarianism into the entire month of October. The whole month. Four weeks. No meat.

That includes fish, you silly pescetarians.

Why, you ask? Today is World Vegetarian Day, as well as the ceremonious first day of Vegetarian Awareness Month. Don't groan yet, there's a cash incentive involved.

More »

It's OK, those are made of not cows.

Let's get hypothetical. You've subscribed to Meatless Monday and have been trucking along just fine for a few weeks. Given the somewhat limited culinary scope of vegetarian dining in the mass market, your Mondays have been subject to quite a few sandwiches featuring grilled zucchini. And probably a lot of cheese. And then maybe you "Meh" your way all the way back to your desk. Meatless Monday is tough.

I'm guessing your Tuesdays and maybe even your Wednesdays are littered with grease-stained napkins and a burger so porny you guiltily avoid mirrors for the rest of your shameful yet delicious day. Mine are.

More »

Oscar Mayer

Comedian Josh Sankey has two weeks to travel from New York City to Los Angeles with nothing but bacon as his currency. His wallet has been emptied of credit cards and cash, and instead Sankey has refrigerated trailer with 3,000 pounds of Oscar Mayer Butcher Thick Cut Bacon to barter for all his expenses, including gas, food and lodging.

Think he'll make it?

Last night around 11:09 p.m. he was in Hagerstown, MD and tweeted "Looking for a place to crash ... anybody got a couch for me?"

More »

In celebration (or a painful reminder) of the fall semester starting this week at universities around the Dallas region, let's talk Meatless Monday in North Texas' own mini-Austin: Denton.

Home to what very well could be millions of bushy beards, Denton is one of my favorite places on the planet and also (opinion alert) one of the best places to go meatless and still have a tasty number of choices when dining out.

In the next few days, there will be thousands of new students settling in at the University of North Texas and Texas Women's University who happen to be vegetarian and may be in need of a starting point. Best advice: start at Loco Cafe (603 N. Locust) and get the black bean chalupas. I love meat, and it's one of the only meatless things I consume regularly and voluntarily because of its simple good flavor.

More »

There's veggies in there, pinky swear.

I'm an unflinchingly loyal Fuzzy's fangirl. The bright pops of neon on the aluminum walls, the funky T-shirts, the large souvenir cups (which make up my entire drinkware collection), the feta on everything -- I'm completely drunk on the marketing Kool-Aid.

So when I sauntered into the newest location on Decatur's downtown square, still in soft opening mode, I was shocked to find out I didn't even know they served grilled veggie tacos. I already had my heart set on a basket full of tempura fish Baja tacos, so I planned my rapid return. And return I did to do Meatless Monday some justice and give one of my favorite places a shot on the most challenging of days.

More »

Vegetables are so hot right now.

One of the most challenging ventures of Meatless Monday is not finding meatless dishes, but finding vegetarian renditions of your favorite items. This includes sandwiches, a staple so vital to the average human's lunch hour routine it seems almost sacrilege to alter it. But there are only so many piping hot pesto pizzas and curried tofu you can snarf down when it's so hot and humid outside it feels like you're walkin' around in someone's crotch. Sometimes, you just need a sando.

"But writer lady, peanut butter and jelly is meatless. So shut the hell up and eat that."

You are absolutely correct, clever reader. But PB & J is hardly the way to go on Meatless Monday. Mostly because I'm not in second grade and I didn't forget my lunch money today. So I took my hard-earned American dollars into one of my favorite sandwich destinations in the region: Weinberger's Deli. They put arugula on everything.

More »

Going meatless to rid your colon of pounds of rotting red meat? Good choice. Going meatless is (apparently) an excellent way to keep your cholesterol in check and probably avoid the cancer. So good choice, citizen, way to take charge of your health. You also may want to avoid Denton's Mellow Mushroom (217 E. Hickory St.) for fear of intense, crippling addiction to their thick, buttery pizza crust and toxically tasty cocktails. Even sans meat, this place is dripping with delicious, guilt-laden calories.

Much to the delight of hungry Texans, the Mellow Mushroom Pizza Bakers chain has locations in Austin, Arlington and Fort Worth. Situated just east of the downtown square, the Denton location is hard to miss. Pops of colored neon bathe the walls inside, casting a lively glow onto the sidewalk outside. Promises of all things cheese and sauce and toppings seduce passersby, and it's all you can do to not just march right in and grab food from people's hands and run out the door. But I've heard jail is pretty expensive, so we asked for a table. My friend, the actual vegetarian, ordered a pear mojito and I, the faux vegetarian for the sake of journalism, couldn't stand that deep lavender drink staring at me from its sweaty glass for more than a few minutes. I sampled that shit. Initially, it wasn't the best decision given it was probably 80 degrees inside. In August. In Texas. But fast forward 15 minutes: "EH, WHO CARES HEY WHERE'S FOOD?"

More »

While I wait for the USDA to sort out its feelings about Meatless Monday with breath that is most certainly bated, I continue the valiant search for meatless dishes that don't suck and aren't cheese nachos from 7-Eleven. This week, I couldn't ignore the dull roar of ballyhoo any longer and decided to check out Denton's Seven Mile Cafe (311 W. Congress). The restaurant opened last year and has enjoyed a rapid escalation into culinary hypedom. Perhaps aided by their ample supply of Cuvee coffee from Austin, compostable cups and cage-free eggs, Seven Mile indulges the stomachs and morals of many, many Denton residents. I can't explain my resistance, but hindsight has me feeling a twang of regret. Plus, I was awarded extra points for dining with a real-life, fully functional vegetarian. She's never had bacon.

More »

1. Morningstar Maple-Flavored Sausage Patties

We both know you've glanced at their trademark green boxes when stacking dozens of Totino's Party Pizzas in your cart. They're in the frozen section, usually accompanied by a small smattering of Morningstar's other products. Give them a try next time, pal. Unlike most other soy-based wannabes, these are respectable in both texture and flavor and give you a fighting chance to do Meatless Monday right from the beginning.

More »