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| Christmas Depression: It's enough of a thing that terrible Photoshops exist for it. |
The holidays season is nigh. It's a festive time when we get actual mail instead of just bills and Brookstone catalogs, when we can drink and eat to excess with minimal judgment, and we finally, hopefully get that bonus. (Editor's note: Two out of three ain't bad, right?)
Still, it's not all sugar plums and gumdrops. We overeat, we overspend, we self medicate with expired prescription drugs, we cry in the shower. The pressure to have a "perfect" holiday has largely overtaken the pressure to be a nice person. Yet, we toy-soldier on.
But our unacceptable behavior can't go unpunished. Thus, we have compiled a list of Christmas-season food crimes and suitable punishments.
Crime: Giving a Hilshire Farm gift basket, which consists of foods that not only have no nutritional value but that almost anyone could afford to buy themselves, but they don't, because it's terrible.
Punishment: The guilt of knowing you've just given your friend the gift of crippling stomach pains and self loathing. Also you have to eat a McRib.
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