BREAKING MEAT NEWS: Zoli's To Sell Meat Wreaths!!!

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Zoli's Facebook + Alice Laussade
It's so important -- especially these days -- that the focus of our thoughts on Meatmas is Meat.

Do you like wreaths? Of course you do. Do you like meats? OF COURSE YOU DO WOULD YOU LIKE A MEAT WREATH OF COURSE YOU WOULD BUY ELEVENTY!!

"What is a meat wreath?" you ask (for what reason, I don't know. I should have had you at "meat wreath"). According to Zoli's Facebook page, it is not what you call five naked men lying down on the grass in an "O" shape, but is, in fact, a "Christmas stromboli wreath, gloriously stuffed with mozzarella cheese, pepperoni, proscuitto cotto, Genoa salami, and Luscher's sausage."

The Meat Wreath will be available to you on December 24 only, just in time for Meatmas. And it's the perfect Meatmas Eve dinner. You must order no later than 12 p.m. on Wednesday, December 24, for pickup at 5 p.m., by calling 214-942-9654.

Would you like to see Lee Hunzinger, Zoli's badass chef dude, stuffing a meat wreath? The thousand views it already has says to me that you'd probably like to view this (I'm betting only half of those were people searching for naked dude stuff). SO VIEW:

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Oh, You Hate Thanksgiving? Shut Up, Hater.

Categories: Holidays

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Original by Norman Rockwell. Ruined by foodbitch
Call off the Carb Police. Tell calories they can "see you next Tuesday." Fuck fat. Just fuck it. Because Thanksgiving. It's the Rex Manning Day of holidays for this turkey lover. It's a time to get drunk and sit on the couch to watch all the sports (I hear). It's a time to eat a perfectly sensible amount of food, then a bit of pie, and then so much more food than is sensible for Round 2. Piles.

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Dallas Restaurants Where You Can Eat Like a Francophile on Bastille Day

Categories: Holidays, Lists

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File photo
Rise No 1: Come for the wine, stay for the wine.
As Americans, we generally don't give a shit about the historical observances of other countries. There is one major exception, though - any holiday or festival that allows us to get really drunk or eat a lot of food. See St. Patrick's Day, Carnivale, and Cinco de Mayo.

Today is Bastille Day, the day French people commemorate the day that kicked off the French Revolution. In France, there are parades and traditional hours-long feasts to celebrate Bastille Day. In Dallas, you can celebrate in a decidedly American way: by eating as much French food as you possibly can. Here are seven places you can do so.

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Taste-Testing Milk on World Milk Day (Video)

Categories: Holidays

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via Flickr Creative Commons
Sunday is the 14th annual World Milk Day. In honor of this totally real holiday, a handful of brave Dallas Observer staff members took part in a blind taste test of a variety of milks. Here's what happened.

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The Valentine's Day Cocktails of Dallas (Photos)

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Photos by Catherine Downes
Winter is on its way out (fingers crossed), but Dallas is still serving up plenty of delicious seasonal spirits. I spent the past few weeks exploring some of Dallas' winter cocktails (you can view the full slideshow here). And while all the drinks are a foolproof way to escape Dallas' bitter cold front, these five might be most apt for heating things up between you and your babely Valentine.

Pictured above:
Love Potion #6 at Oak: Reyka Vodka, Byrrh Grand Quinquina, Solerno Blood Orange Liqueur, Blood orange puree and strawberries.

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The Six Couples Dallas' Servers Will Hate This Valentine's Day

Categories: Holidays

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Friday night, thousands of couples across the Metroplex will descend on Dallas' finest (and not so fine) restaurants to spend the evening celebrating their love or whatever. They'll enjoy an overpriced prix fixe dinner, drink a mediocre bottle of wine and, perhaps most importantly, annoy the hell out of some poor server.

Valentine's Day is one of those times of the year, like Mother's Day and Thanksgiving, that makes waiting tables the worst. You might be excited about a nice dinner out, but your server is not at all excited about serving you. This holiday presents a specific set of challenges for wait staff, and really makes them pissed off to be at work in the first place.
Whatever you do, don't be one of these six couples when you go out for your V-Day dinner.


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Five Thanksgiving Dishes That Prove We're Insane

Categories: Holidays

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www.annsagonains.com
Of all the seven deadly sins, if you subscribe to that sort of thing, gluttony is probably the most enjoyable. Although, Netflix and slothiness do pair quite well, especially during a holiday. But gluttony, man, that's good times. We've pretty much mastered the craft of shameless gluttony here in the ol' US of A, as evidenced by things like KFC's Double Down and Adam Richman's career. The tail end of November is no exception. Thanksgiving is a time to, you guessed it, give thanks for all which has been bestowed upon a our large faces (and then beat the shit out of each other the next day over a talking Elmo doll).

Part of the foodaissance culture that has swept this country is the insane creations that tend to pop up on the Internet and challenge people to throw caution to the wind and start shoving food inside of other food and shove the entire mess into the oven and then slam your face into it when the timer goes DING! Here are our five favorite ridiculously senseless Thanksgiving Day culinary creations:

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11 Dark Bars to Hide in After You're Stuffed: The 2013 Guide

Categories: Holidays

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Jay Barker
The Windmill Lounge
OK, turkey revelers, it's about time for elastic pants, pie and plates of regret. But, before we get too deep in the holiday mood, let's pull back a little. Don't hit the season too hard. Walk in softly. After hours of being stuffed like a turkey in a small house with your bestest relatives, it's totally natural to feel the need to escape get a little fresh air.

So, we've put together a list of the best dark bars to hide in, which are all Hark-the-Herald-Angels-Sing open on Thanksgiving!

Good news, this list is even better than last year's. Yeah 2013! There are some newbies and a few classics. Bless them.


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How to Dallasize Your Thanksgiving, and We're Not Talking about a Signature Bridge

Categories: Holidays

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Rene S
Papers, please, turkey.
Now that Meat Fight and the recaps of Meat Fight are over, all eyes can turn to the grandest of all food-centered holidays, Thanksgiving. Sure, lots of other holidays involve eating, but Thanksgiving is completely about the food. Supposedly there is a little in there about being thankful and glossing over some awkward history involving European settlers and Native Americans, but let's get real: It's mostly about the food.

Maybe this year you are thinking about spending a little extra money and buying more locally sourced foods. Here are some things to consider:

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The 2013 Dallas Observer Thanksgiving Dinner Fantasy Draft: Whose Menu Is Best?

Categories: Holidays

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With the holidays approaching, the nation is once again sweating with fantasy-football fever, sending the NFL's popularity further into the stratosphere and office productivity further into the tank. But there are more important things in life than football, or at least one more important thing: Food.

Specifically Thanksgiving food, which, like football, brings people together, passes the time and leaves old men wandering around their homes, groaning and confused. It was with this in mind that my fantasy-sports-hating, food-loving wife suggested several years ago that I hold a Thanksgiving Dinner Fantasy Draft. The tradition endured for a couple of years, died and is being revived here. Let's get to it.

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