foodbitch

Last weekend's Taste of the NFL: The Ultimate Cowboys Tailgate Party offered up celebrity, entertainment and gourmet eats in a surprisingly badass setting at the Glass Cactus. And while my focus tends to be on cuisine at these sort of events, I'd like to tell you about the stuff that really matters: the event's impact on the cause of hunger, through its support for the North Texas Food Bank. OK, with a few choice details and food photos peppered throughout, just for fun.

15
the number of chef stations at the event

1 in 4
the number of children in the state of Texas who are at risk of hunger

47 million
the number of meals provided by the NTFB in its first 30 years

97
the approximate number of single women who sighed audibly when Dallas star and friend of the NTFB Jesse Metcalf mentioned his girlfriend in the first four words of his speech

foodbitch

Kobe beef brochette with cipollini onion, shisito pepper and soy demi-glace by chef Scott Gottlich of The Second Floor

100
the percentage of dollars raised at the event that went directly to the North Texas Food Bank

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LDD

I recently heard (somewhere) that keeping secrets is freedom. And I sort of feel like this is a good secret, but I thought I'd go ahead and share it anyway, despite possible imprisonment. The Black Swan Saloon, which has been included in a plethora of Best of lists here at the Observer (like, Best Thing That Ever Came Out of the Ghostbar) is now hosting a bimonthly book club. Yes, a book club. At a bar.

Funny thing, I've been chided for that before: "Oh sure. You're going to book club. At a bar... sure."

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Doritos Facebook

Doritos, following the success of Taco Bell's Doritos Locos and continuing the trend of making food taste like more, other foods, is actually making Doritos Locos Tacos Chips which will be flavored like Doritos Chips and Taco Bell's Doritos Locos. Now, let's be clear: Doritos is extracting the flavor out of a Taco Bell shell, NOT the Doritos Locos Taco bell shell which already has Doritos. So, the Taco Bell flavor will combine with the already Dorito-ed Doritos, and form the flavor of the original, new Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos in a dual-chipped Dorito.

Using the Inception model of how you create and perceive reality instantly in dreams, we can now see the Frito-Lay model that they've been using all along:

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Pizza Hut Singapore

In Latin, the word simulacrum means "likeness" or "similarity." It's a term often used by philosophers and social theorists (see: Baudrillard) to exemplify the hyper-real. To boil it down: a simulacrum can often be a perverted version of reality.

See also: The 10 Worst Fast Food Trends of 2012

So, right as we wash away the fear of the Mayan apocalypse crushing Earth like a soda can, we can now acknowledge Pizza Hut for creating a simulacrum. Over in Singapore, Pizza Hut has spawned a quandary that pizza philosophers will puzzle over: the pizza within the pizza. Others have named it Inception Pizza. I know you want to study this further, so here's some academic bullet points that illustrate what this pizza is:

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McDonald's China via Eater

Because nothing's more appetizing than obsidian and tooth-colored food

If civilization does collapse on Friday, December 21, 2012, which is the day the Mayans were all like Hey guys! Earth's gonna explode in a fiery saucer of flames and stuff!, then any remaining future humans (or any aliens stopping on the burnt husk of Earth to take a leak) will be able to read the signs that predicted the end: the ridiculous fast food trends of 2012.

See also:
- The 10 Worst Fast Food Trends of 2011

In 2010, we got such gems as the KFC Double Down, and in 2011 Taco Bell decided go ahead and test the taco with the shell made of Doritos. Well, sweet fancy Moses 2012, you really stepped it up this year. You are the galloping, burning-horse-of-a-year that saw a Hobbit-themed Denny's menu, a Pizza Hut presidential debate challenge and a mothafuckin' fast food burger with pumpkin.

If this is to be the final few weeks of our lives here on Earth, one certainly can't argue fast food didn't go out with a bang. For now, we're pointing our finger at you, This Year. Here are the most insane, over-the-top conceptual abominations and trends of 2012:

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Austin Dill @ instagram

Bottling our homemade #Hurricane Brew w/ @mtenero & emkmd #BringItSandy #HurricationPartI @ Bitter & Esters instagr.am/p/RV6f1YG9cS/

— Austin Dill (@austindill) October 28, 2012

A few hours ago I searched #BringItSandy on Twitter and, at the time, there were about 40 tweets. It's lighting up now though. The kids in the northeast have got their game-face on and are preparing in earnest. When life hands you a hurricane, buy Bud Light. Maybe a princess flashlight and some Sour Patch Kids.

A guy just used wire to tie his propane barbecue pit to his wooden deck... hmm...

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Jay Barker

Hofmann Hot Dog contest winner, Barlas Yuce

I've learned a few things from competitive eaters lately. There's some interesting psychology at play in the sport, which arise from two opposite camps: some take a certain laissez-fair approach, while others embrace the masochism for all its worth.

See Also: Interview with Kobayashi

Makes sense, right? It's either: "I'm in training and I'll suffer for the next day in order to win," or "Maybe I'll have a big lunch and just forget about it."

So, prior to the State Fair hot dog-eating contest I talked to four different people who were getting ready for the feast. One was Kobayashi. And even though for him it was a light day, just a "demonstration," he was all business at an interview that morning. No smiles, no jokes. His game face was on. And he ate 60 hot dogs in 5 minutes.

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Cuzette Perry

So, how does one prepare to eat over 20 hot dogs in five minutes? Two 45-minute psycho runs on an empty stomach, is always a good start. Alex Perez is semi-pro. The "Moose," as he's known to be called by maternity ward nurses (he was a big baby), is the ex-Marine of Mexican, Guatemalan and Japanese descent who won the inaugural World's Spiciest Donut Eating Contest at Hypnotic in August. He kicked back six Devil's Death Dance pastries with ghost pepper-laced icing, cayenne, jalapeno and Serrano peppers. All that of that was followed with a shot of tequila (he brings his own), a rather impressive, yet masochist, ritual and I'm just really hoping he slams them back with a loud laugh.

See Also: Alex Perez Dances With the Devil

Moose is always on the lookout for competitive eating contest, so when I heard the world's greatest hot dog eating champion himself, Takeru Kobayashi, is going to judge a hot dog eating contest at the State Fair on Friday, I figured Moose would be game. He was.

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Today is National Fluffernutter Day. I know you didn't know. That's why I'm here: to impart random, sometimes questionable, food news upon your docile soul.

So, a fluffernutter is a sandwich made with peanut butter and marshmallow spread. (Did you just do a gag reflex?) So, of course this has been done 8 ways to Sunday, (I mean, seriously: every which way).

There are several ways to approach a proper fluffernutter, the first being to re-record your voicemail to say, "Sorry, I can't answer right now. I'm making a fluffernutter sandwich for national fluffernutter day. I'll call you back when it's not fluffernutter day. Now, go make a fluffernutter."

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Pinnacle

A few weeks ago Scott got emotional about all the different flavored vodkas out there and even had some ideas for a few flavors of his own. We convinced him not to quit his day job for a life in Siberia distilling vodka; but, fortunately, there are others out there that continue to push the envelope in vodka flavoring. Some may say they're pushing it right off the edge of a cliff. And, taking it a step further, some are cheering that it goes off that cliff and falls into a giant abyss called "bad trends."

See Also: What the Fuck Happened to Vodka?

But until then, Beam Inc., the maker of the Pinnacle brand of vodka, whose flavors include atomic hots, cherry whipped (embarrassed to admit I've had this, but proud to admit I hated it), cucumber watermelon and marshmallow, has developed a limited edition pumpkin pie vodka.

Now, we're not in a judging place, right? This is a circle of trust, correct? I think some of the suggested recipes actually sound sort of good.

See recipes...

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