A Story of Taco Bell's New Breakfast in Our Time

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Nick Rallo
A sampling of Taco Bell's new breakfast in this the year of our biscuit taco, 2015
Zero Hour was for typing. It was middle school in the '90s, and a couple of days a week I was in "zero hour" class, which meant it was before-the-sun early, and involved typing meaningless phrases to bolster my words-per-minute score. A sheet of paper rested over the tops of my hands so I could learn the terrains of the 9 lb. keyboard. Before that, I played Oregon Trail on computer monitors that were so deep they looked like teeth. On our one and only family computer, I typed dumb things into the blank MS-DOS startup screen. c:\ HAIRY BALLS. After "balls" commands, I listened to Martin Luther King's speech on Microsoft Encarta and yelled horrible things at the impossible CD-ROM adventure game Myst.

That was then, and this is now: Yesterday I used my smart iPhone 5 to order a biscuit taco through the Taco Bell app in advance of my actually going to Taco Bell. I bought Taco Bell in advance.

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Brunch Lesson #32: Fry It and Put It on a Waffle

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Photos by Kathryn DeBruler

You know you've taken gluttony to a new level when your waitress calls you a fatty. She said it in the kindest, most familial way possible but at its core her comment stung with the icy saber of truth. And yet, I feel my order-logic was sound: If a waffle can be topped with chicken-fried steak or chicken-fried bacon, can it not be topped with both?

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Give the Poptarts a Rest: Cháo Edition

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Photos by Kathryn DeBruler
Wake up and smell the pork's assorted, Dallas. What is pork's assorted, you ask? Well, from the look of the brown striated bits, the gray, ventricle-like pieces and the blocks of dark scarlet that occupied the bottom of my cháo bowl, it's a lot of things, none of which Westerners eat for breakfast. Having grown up in a culture where days often start with food that is individually wrapped or has its own mascot, a piping hot bowl of pork's blood cháo isn't exactly in my gastronomic wheelhouse.

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Braving Brunch at Eureka! Dallas

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Photos by Kathryn DeBruler
Open seating. Wide open.
Kathryn DeBruler searches far and wide for DFW's most interesting breakfast food. Come along.

I didn't have high hopes going into this brunch, and the fact that a manager apologized half an hour after my order was placed didn't help much. She explained that I was there during Eureka's first official brunch service, and that the kitchen scrapped my original order when the end result didn't meet their standards. Admirable, Eureka!, but not confidence-building.

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Kolache Haven Is Kolache Heaven

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Photos by Kathryn DeBruler
#kolachefilter
Kathryn DeBruler searches far and wide for DFW's most interesting breakfast food. Come along.

In Texas, Kolaches are a thing. There are at least four festivals honoring the Czech pastry in our great state alone. The most famous kolaches hail from West, where legend has it that city revenue is driven almost entirely by sales of the sweet and sometimes savory buns. But for those of you who don't feel inclined to load up the car and high-tail to it to West, there are any number of kolache shops in the DFW area that should satiate your craving. My favorite is a shop called Kolache Haven.

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Jarams Donuts Are Transcendent, Like God with Powdered Sugar

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Photos by Kathryn DeBruler
Heavy breathing

"He went to Jarams." These are the words every woman dreams of hearing. For so many, they represent the culmination of a lifetime's worth of hoping, planning and dreaming. What little girl hasn't pined away for the day when she, too, would get the big, white donut of her dreams? I am referring, of course, to Jarams Donuts.

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A Gravy-Filled Breakfast at Mama's Daughters' Diner: an Appreciation

Categories: Breakfast

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Kathryn DeBruler
A cure for the common cold at Mama's Daughers'.
Everyone has been sick lately, including me. Headache, scratchy throat, the works. I'd been medicating with chicken soup and tapioca pudding for days, but feeling on the mend I decided to venture out for sustenance. I needed something good, something comforting. But also -- and this is not a typical requirement for my breakfasts -- soft. I wanted something that would give my cough-worn larynx a massage. Oh sure, oatmeal is soft, but it's also the kind of breakfast you eat when you want to thank your body for doing such a great job. Mine, however, needed to be shown who the boss is.

CUT TO: Mama's Daughters' Diner.

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Corned Beef and Hash at Deli News, Because Brunch Can Be Humble, Too

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Photos by Kathryn DeBruler
Brunch used to be something extended families did on the rare occasions they got together. Either that, or it was reserved for holiday weekends, when sleeping in past breakfast time could be excused, given either the holiness of the occasion or the quality of the brunch being served.

But brunch, as you well know, has evolved into something else entirely. It's no longer a seldom-eaten meal; on the contrary, it's now a given one. Every weekend, it seems, there will be brunch. And there will be brunchers, eagerly spilling onto restaurant patios, mimosas in hand.

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Denton Loves its New Hypnotic Donuts-Cultivar Coffee Shop, Judging by the Line

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Photos by Kathryn DeBruler

Living up to its name, Hypnotic Donuts seems to have cast a spell on the people of Denton. During my visit on Saturday -- four days after the Lakewood shop opened its newest location in Denton's town square -- a line stretched out the door. Parents, their gazes eerily transfixed on the soft glow emanating from the donut case, waited for half an hour to place orders while children tried in vain to get their attention. No mere donut could inspire such devotion.

A donut with bacon on top? Yep, that might do the trick.


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McDonald's is Still Considering Making Breakfast an All-Day Thing. STILL.

Categories: Breakfast

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Via Wikimedia
We want this right now, and McDonalds is so close to giving it to us.

Good job, McDonald's. You're kicking around the idea of making breakfast available all day, finally catching up with every single person who's ever had breakfast and realized it should be eaten all day every day. It's taken you long enough, and frankly we're not sure why you've kept such a reactionary definition of breakfast hours.

Look, McDonald's, we get it. You're big. Very big, one could argue. And it takes a really long time to change a very big thing. But apparently you've been thinking about this since 2006.

2006.

It cannot take seven years to engineer a McGriddle that doesn't go bad after 10:30 a.m. Because we're assuming the little McGriddle cakes go bad then, or explode, or become self-aware. Why else would you arbitrarily decide that anyone wanting breakfast after 10:30 is just shit out of luck?

Seriously, McDonald's, be consistent. You serve coffee all day, the breakfast drink de rigueur, so why has it taken you so long to get on board with the foodstuffs? You know this is a great way to drum up revenue, and y'all have had some tough times lately.


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