Via Buzzfeed/Statigram

OK, so there are no more jokes to make about Taco Bell pushing the boundaries of hyperbole with their new fast food items. It's done. It's all done. Can we be done? Somewhere in between Idiocracy references, Inception, the zombie apocalypse and our heads exploding like the guy in Scanners, we're out of metaphors to capture the madness.

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Doritos is Actually Making Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos Chips

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Nicholas McWhirter

We asked you which National Food Month should be May's Official National Food Month, and your answer was loud and clear.

While you made jokes in the comments section about wanting Asparagus Month to win, your votes said something much, much meatier. In the least shocking food news in the history of food news, National Barbecue Month is the clear winner for May's Only Real And Truly Official National Food Month Recognized By City of Ate.

Now that that's cleared up, here are five National Barbecue Month traditions that you should start celebrating. Yesterday.

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Jay Jerrier sent word this morning that they're firing up the big white oven at the new Cane Rosso White Rock (7328 Gaston Ave.) tonight for the first night of official pizza business.

"Seeing as it is raining and temps are supposed to drop down into the 40s with high winds, it seemed like a really good idea to open a restaurant," explains Jerrier.

There are still a lot of the minor incidentals to work out, like: testing the fire alarm (will happen by game time though, no worries), signage, patio furniture, a tweak of the A/C system, etc. But who really cares about that? All in good time ...

See also: The New Cane Rosso Was Robbed of its $2,500 Prosciutto Slicer Over the Weekend

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Andrew Zimmern. Marcus Samuelsson. Marc Murphy. Brian Malarkey.

Tim Byres. Tre Wilcox. Tim Love. Aaron Franklin. Paul Qui.

Where can you hang out with the likes of these national and local food greats all in one place? The answer is The Austin Food & Wine Festival, coming up at the end of the month. Time to break out the stretchy pants and sterilize the wine helmet.

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Jack in the Box

Jack's Burger Truck, also called the Munchie Mobile, is in town, and you might be like, "Yeah? So what? I can go to Jack in the Box anytime my little clogged heart wants." Well, burgers from Jack's truck are free.

On Friday the truck will be passing out free Jumbo Jack's with cheese before the Rangers home opener, along with coupons and "gifts." Specifically, they'll be in the Six Flags parking lot from 7 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.

The Munchie Mobile has already made a few stops around town. If you've missed them, here are some upcoming dates.

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The Observer's very own Alice Laussade, who for years put her cast-iron stomach on the line as The Cheap Bastard to bring you reviews of Dallas' low-cost lunch spots, was named a finalist in the humor-writing category of the 2013 James Beard Foundation Awards, which is like the Oscars of food and food journalism, except with no cheesy musical numbers.

Alice was nominated for The Cheap Bastard's Ultimate Guide to Eating like a Total Cheap Bastard in Dallas, a story that is about exactly what its headline says it's about. Plus, it's funny. You should read it.

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Since Sharon Hage closed York Street more than two years ago, there have been few opportunities to taste her cooking. Sure, she has designed menus for restaurants and bars across Dallas, but she's not actually in the kitchen cooking at any of these places. The only ways to taste Hage's food directly have been through small dining events that pop up here and there around Dallas.

Hage's next event is tomorrow evening. She's teaming up with master sommelier Barbara Werley to offer farm-to-fork creations paired with red, white, bubbly and dessert wines, at a private residence in University Park. The event will raise money for low-income women. To that end they're charging $125 a ticket unless you happen to win one right now on City of Ate.

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BroBible

Whatever you're doing right now isn't important. Put it down.

Earlier this year, Taco Bell teased their nacho cheese-dusted fans on Facebook by announcing a likely 2013 release of the Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos. Which is their trademarked way of saying, "later there'll be a taco inside a big ol' Cool Ranch Doritos chip."

So, here we are today, when the news comes down from Taco Bell's Olympus: Chief Executive Officer Greg Creed has confirmed the Cool Ranch taco thing will debut very, very soon.

Taco Bell's sequel isn't out of the blue. As Lauren pointed out here on City of Ate, the release of the Doritos Locos taco in 2012 was Jersey Shore popular. The tacos were celebrated by 200 million-plus people, which is more than most tacos.

Our fancy new Foursquare Badge: "The Dallas Wayfarer"

Every September-or-so here at the Dallas Observer, we unveil one of our meatiest issues: the Best Of Dallas. It features, as you know, the best damn things in the world of arts, film, theatre, food, booze and everything culture in Dallas.

It's with that in mind that we announce our new partnership with Foursquare.

Here's what this means for you:

- If you check in to any of our Best Of locations, you might just unlock our fancy new badge. It's called The Dallas Wayfarer (see the giant image above).

- Our Voice Places event data is going to sync with Foursquare, so you can check into events, find what's trending and other cool stuff in the area in Dallas.

You can check out the details on our Dallas Observer Foursquare page, which is where you can totally let us know if you've unlocked the badge. We'd be thrilled if you would.

In the meantime, see you out there?

This is the new cookie that our Girl Scouts decided to roll out for 2013. I thought we were friends. The fuck, Girl Scouts?

It's known that I love Girl Scout cookies pretty hard. But, seriously Girl Scouts? Mango Creme NutrifusionTM cookie with vitamins in it? You thought that would please the masses?

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