A Woman's View of Redneck Heaven

Categories: Food News

redneck_heaven_flickr.jpg
George Morris on Flickr
Redneck Heaven: It's ... something.
In this occasional series, Teresa Lensch provides a woman's view of area "breastaurants." She previously filed dispatches from Twin Peaks, Tilted Kilt, Bikini's and Wild Pitch.

Redneck Heaven was solely responsible, in July of 2013, for changing the nudity laws in Lewisville, when it decided to have its waitresses prance around the parking lot in just pasties and body paint.

Flash forward: I round up some brave girlfriends to come along with me to see what's going on inside "the place that changed Lewisville naked stuff when it comes to food ... forever."

Friend 1: "Oh God, there's a bikini car wash out front."

Friend 2: "Want your car washed?"

Friend 1: "No. No, I don't."

Waitress/Car Washer 1: "Hi ladies, welcome to Redneck Heaven!"

Gross Guy 1: (cue lecherous staring and gross hand gestures) "Hey baby, you missed a spot!"

We aren't even inside yet. We duck in, and we see waitresses giving each other piggy back rides in booty shorts and bras while we wait for our hostess to take the pen out of her cleavage and write our names on the waiting list. In the meantime, I note that she has "13" tattooed on her left breast. Hey, it's our lucky night!

I intentionally picked a night where there are no costumes or gimmicks. Unless you consider scantily-clad 'Merican girls getting touchy-touchy on customers a gimmick. Okay, it's a gimmick. But we are allowed to take pictures tonight, unlike on their theme nights. And everywhere I look, there are picture opportunities. Butt-crawling shorts on women who really shouldn't be wearing them. "Staph" written on the back of the bussers' shirts (who does that? Do they even know what it means? You're serving FOOD here, people!). And two couples on dates who I'm sure are breaking up tonight. Because that is the only reason any sane man would bring his date here. Else they might just be assholes.

The food here is decent and it's cheap. The drinks are really cheap, too. Problem is, the whole place is really cheap. I feel really cheap just being here, and I think any woman would feel the same way. I WANNA GO HOME! Our waitress is very sweet in her shorts and bra and she introduces us to her trainee, who is obviously sedated. I'm not a doctor, but if it doesn't blink like a duck, can't enunciate clearly like a duck, has no filter like a duck ...

Trainee 1: "Hey there, I'm gonna give y'all some lovin." (Rubs two of our backs)

My inside voice: "Oh my god, please stop touching me!"

Trainee 1: "I just quit dancing and this is the only place that would hire me without experience. When you dance, it's all cash so it's like you aren't even working. I feel like a fish back in the ocean."

Friends 1 & 2: (cue eye roll)

Gross Guy 2: "Hey sweetie, get over here." (slaps knee)

Trainee 1: "Be right back."

This seems to be the wonderland of those just retired from the ranks of the gentlemen's clubs, and the breeding ground for those about to enter it. It's the gateway restaurant. A half-way house for those willing to earn less in exchange for keeping a tad more clothing on. And I think the customers here know it. It's depressing. I see waitresses sitting on customer's knees, draping tightly over drunk men's backs, bending over to toe-touch to the delight of dozens of tables. I am not going to judge, I'm not going to linger. I'm just going to pay our tab and go.

Then I'm going to go take a shower. I owe my girlfriends big time. BIG. TIME. I'll pay for your next parking lot carwash, how about that? Thanks, ladies.


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44 comments
meav
meav

I think it's hilarious that this woman can't give her opinion on this establishment, but yet all the people that agree with this type of establishment CAN have an opinion...? Makes absolutely NO SENSE. I can honestly say, I hope my daughter does not grow up to work in a place like this. Would you want YOUR daughter walking around in basically nothing, hanging all over a bunch of drunkards telling them all they want to hear for money? Gosh, I'd hope you'd want more for your daughter; I sure do. Titty bars, strip joints with men, it's all disgusting to me. And I'm ALLOWED to have an opinion.

xdarkridex
xdarkridex

I'd like to point out two things to the butthurt:


1.  In a previous article, she admitted to actually enjoying Twin Peaks.  Breastaurant?  Maybe, but still a decent place.  This, clearly, is not.


2.  When we first moved to Lewisville, we had a neighbor who worked at this location.  She told us things that we had to inform her were way, way, way outside of what's okay, labor-wise.  (Being charged out of her paycheck for things customers didn't like, or mistakes the kitchen made, etc.)  


In short: it's a crappy place run by crappy people designed to appeal to crappy people who show up and do crappy things.  Anyone defending it probably falls into one of those categories.  Other than a staunch 'people can do whatever they want' libertarian stance, there's absolutely no defense for a place that mistreats their employees, allows them to be sexually harassed (yes, it's the employer's responsibility to control their customers' behavior), and generally attracts the worst parts of the culture to an area that is otherwise filled with family-friendly eating and drinking establishments.  

shawnstenberg2010
shawnstenberg2010

I agree with most of this.. but this line made me angry for some reason. "but if it doesn't blink like a duck, can't enunciate clearly like a duck, has no filter like a duck ..."

jackburton826
jackburton826

Whaa! Someone wrote something that hurt my feelings.  Whaaa! It's all about me. The world revolves around me. Good lord people. A writer got paid to provide an opinion. And she did so in a humorous manner. It ain't personal. Everyone needs to get over themselves.

TiffC
TiffC

 First Of all driving around town I can say I've seen several car washes in company parking lots. Some of the people wearing clothes, and some wearing bikinis. The most recent car wash I saw was high school kids in bikinis raising money for something related to school. Are these children trashy? I mean they are wearing bikinis in public, but wait that's for a good cause so it is acceptable because apparently making a living isn't. 

Obviously everyone is entitled to an opinion however before passing judgment (which you clearly stated you didn't do) try to view things from all perspectives. The women employed there can not control what some douche bag customers say to her. Unfortunately when your pay check is literally zero and you work for tips you learn to tolerate ignorant people and their comments when necessary. As for the behavior from the waitresses you observed, those women are choosing to take their job to that length. Maybe if you viewed things from a optimistic point of view you would have noticed not all the ladies employed at Redneck are touching or being touched. Not all the woman who work there are trashy, as a former Redneck girl and hooters girl I'll be the first to tell you there is some trashy people who work in breastrants, however open your eyes they work everywhere! Every restaurant, every bar, teachers, nurses, retail shops, church members. I'm not going to waste my time explaining why I chose to work there because you've already placed me in the "whore" circle and I couldn't care less what you think of me. Those poor couples you also weren't judging, maybe they really do like the food and enjoy drinking reasonably priced drinks. Maybe they enjoy looking a beautiful women whatever the reason is they have nothing to do with your views on the restaurant so now you really are just passing judgment. You do not know the story behind those women employed there, some are paying their way through college, some are supporting their children, some are just there until an opportunity arrives that can take them elsewhere, some are working there because the money is damn good, and yes some are just one step away from the pole, but it is not because of where they work it's because that's who they are choosing to be. I sincerely feel sorry for you, it's a sad life you are living to be so negative and closed minded. This world is a great place if you choose to view things as the glass half full! 

Mervis
Mervis

Bunch of butthurt (so to speak) up in here today.

rosa_aguirre23
rosa_aguirre23

Lady.....if you didn't like the restaurant from the start, why didn't you and your happy friends leave right then and there. If your soooooo miserable, why did you stay? Did you really need that much of attention to post about your personal experience? Do you not get enough attention from your friends? How about you throw some bread to ducks and post about that, since your so needy for attention.

Kevin.W
Kevin.W

Don't like the thought of the place, don't enter it. Don't like something on TV, turn the channel. Don't like what's on your radio? Find something else to listen too. 

I don't understand people that know what something is, know that it is something that they won't like, but then go anyway and act like they expected something different. Why?

janearamey1124
janearamey1124

The funniest thing about this whole article is this lady was judging what happens to be my job( which I love) before she even entered, because she complains about things that had she not been looking for something to complain about in the first place wouldn't have noticed otherwise, she needs to honestly pull the stick out of her butt & be more open minded. Pretty much all of us work hard & for her to feel like she can immediately put her judgement of one experience not even thinking twice, just proves how immature & how much time she needs to consume with better things than dissing young girls who are making it in this cold cruel world like everyone else.

-Janea I LOVE REDNECK HEAVEN

candidbee
candidbee

I am a 21 year-old woman and am actually in the process of getting ready for my job which is at one of these popular "breasturants".  I currently bartend the entire resturant while hosting and serving the floor. I've even been a manager there, but unfortunately had to switch back to a tipped employee because the minimum wage wasn't paying my college tuition. Yes, I am in college and no it's not for my "MRS" degree. My degree is in a small field of which I will receive a B.S. in engineering. So while there are many different opinions on the backgrounds and futures of these woman, sometimes ya'll forget that this is just a job, something to help us get by. Both of my parents work very hard to keep my family financially stable and for them I choose to pay for my college, and I choose to pay for my rent, groceries, car, phone and every other thing most COLLEGE students don't do. Otherwise, I wouldn't have access to educational tools to advance and achieve my dreams. 


Now, I'm sorry you don't appreciate our uniforms- 

I mean do you even think I love having my tits on display for everyone to see and accidentally graze on a daily basis?????


NO! 


But if that's what I have to do in order to achieve my dream of having a higher education and not be in debt I will take that 4 years over 80+..... 


Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Recommend Teresa and the ladies who lunch next review La Bare; I'm sure it will be a shocking expose.

rubbbrduky
rubbbrduky

What's really funny about this whole thing is while this Teresa Turdface who has said surely this place is cheap, missed the mark for sure because look what had the free choice to apply and get a job there....... these girls who needed a job and have no sense of self respect. Don't be pissed because your dumb ass rolls into a joint like that and expect NOT to see something less than YOU'RE par standards. You sound like an uptight little girl that would do better in the uptown BORING ASS VANILLA scene.

GiovanniGenovese
GiovanniGenovese

In the present world of "Don't judge me," and "I can do whatever I want, just as long as I'm not hurting anybody," well, this is the same exact thing. It's fantasy, it's playtime, it's no different than Hooters or Twin Peaks, or insert-your-local booby/butt restaurant here. You know EXACTLY what to expect. Or should know. Don't go into Six Flags and come out going "there were long lines and screaming kids and overpriced bottles of water," because that's part of the game. Why waste your time and money anyway going and taking your friends to a place like this with disdain in your head and scowls already on your faces? Dick's Last Resort has made a fortune on their gimmick of rude waiters "mistreating" their guests. Or Trail Dust. You know damned well you're going to get your tie cut iff you wear one there, or you play a joke on your unsuspecting lunch buddy. It's exactly what it is. You went in knowing what it was all about.

I think the rednecks in this case are just a bit smarter than the article's author. The waitresses know damned well that drooling guys are going to come in and want their shoulders touched and be flirted with, and showed some skin. It's a game, it's a gimmick.
Go to eat somewhere else. Go to the hipster taco hotspots, or go eat thai food in a little bitty room where the next table might as well be joined with yours because it's already so close. Or go to Hypnotic Donuts where you're going to pay $4 for a donut with a piece of bacon on top. Just don't go in to a place that you're already pissed off about being there in the first place.


Personally--I have been to Hooters three times in my life. And I went there for the buffalo shrimp. I could care less about the girls. I know damned well they're putting on the act to get a bigger tip from me. They're not interested in me. I'm a 275 pound Italian grey headed 44 year old. Who in their right mind is going to sincerely tell te other waitresses: "I am going home with THAT hairy f'ing beast tonight, girls. Watch me!"

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

Redneck Heaven: Where washed up divorced guys meet washed up exotic dancers.

Suds & duds.

MattL11
MattL11

"Staph"? Seriously?! 


The only logical explanation I can think of for the existence of such a place is that some proponents of eugenics opened it with the intention of making sure that everyone who actually ate there more than once would be sterile.  

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

The new manager at my local hole came from RH, that fucker tried to hire some whor...er chics who worked there and bring them over.  Needless to say, none of them could pass a drug test(they dont even test for weed) and no one at our bar wanted those types of girls whoring it up at this bar.  Been to RH twice and I'd rather go to a titty bar than that place.  Im like no bitch, just go get my fucking beer, I dont need you sitting in my lap rubbing my back trying to have a conversation with me that you cant even comprehend bc you are so fucked up

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

I once went to RH and wore a full body condom, for the greatest of fears of the getting the Hep C, or the Gono.  I once looked at RH whilst driving down 35 and got eye warts with bleeding cornea's.   That guy called again today from the department of debt, and said, "I have willing called the cups, and they will be picking you up, unless you pay...NOW". 


I hung up, and it may have been the acid, but I crawled in my attic and prayed that a bevy of 9 ounce Solo cups weren't going to show up at my door, drunk, with shotguns. 


ps-Then the guy called back later and said, "it is the most urgent that you protect the good name by making the department of debt fulfillment". Actually, I can't wait for this guy to call tomorrow.....it's real freaking entertaining! 


When he called today I acted like I was having a stroke, and he just kept on with his broken English spiel about THE DEPARTMENT of DEBT. 

GiovanniGenovese
GiovanniGenovese

@xdarkridex  You're going to have a hard time proving that "a place that mistreats their employees, allows them to be sexually harassed (yes, it's the employer's responsibility to control their customers' behavior), and generally attracts the worst parts of the culture to an area that is otherwise filled with family-friendly eating and drinking establishments."

You're taking the word of this neighbor only. The place still runs, the place is still staffed, the place still gets customers. People still choose to work there. People still choose to go to eat there.

So, in your book, I am "crappy people." Oh, my God, I FORCED this downtrodden girl to work there to have money taken from her check (there's VERY little left of a 3.14 an hour, minus 8.25% of {her} overall sales for taxes, maybe a meal charge, maybe a tipout) paycheck. Those poor women, being MADE to provide good service, and being MADE to flash their cleavage and booty cheeks. Dear God, what's next in this cruel, cruel unfair labor camp we call the "breastaurant."


Bring me my hot wings, and by God, if they're cold, there will be hell to pay out of your check, sweet cheeks. Unless...we can "take it out in trade."

Signed, lovingly,

Crappy Person

shandango
shandango

@rosa_aguirre23 I think the point was for a woman (with a particular point of view) to review the place, BECAUSE she wouldn't like it. I'm a woman and a feminist even and while I have been to breastaurants and not minded them (Twin Peaks > Bone Daddy's > Hooters) it is one of the few places, outside of strip clubs, where it's totally acceptable for men to boldly embrace their skeeze in a public place and it can be a little unsettling, I will admit that.  But obviously, it's paternalistic to be like "these poor women being exploited!" because, really, they are adults who can choose their job and either don't mind or like the attention and appreciate the higher tips than they'd get at a regular restaurant. It doesn't make them filthy whores and I resent anyone who says stuff like that, everyone is just trying to make a living with what they've got and if you're cute and don't mind being scantily clad, why not cash in on that? This was a lazy article because it's exactly what you'd think based on the title which was basically "lol I'm better than these sluts!" which sucks. 

Snoozechamp
Snoozechamp

I hope you'll read the other reviews as well. I'm not hating. Totally get it.

Snoozechamp
Snoozechamp

Been there. They smell like baby oil and lost dreams of fame.

Snoozechamp
Snoozechamp

Turdface is my favorite of the whole day. Hats off to you, my friend.

Mervis
Mervis

@rubbbrduky You ought to read the other posts she has done on other breastaurants before judging. They are right up there at the top of the story.

Snoozechamp
Snoozechamp

I think it's more unfair to judge something and NOT go in. You go, boy.

rubbbrduky
rubbbrduky

@GiovanniGenovese Damn, I thought I said it well, but you nailed it. We don't need to waspy little uptown bon-bons making us men feel like shit if we should wander into an establishment like these. I too could care the fuck less about these women because I agree, I'm not hooking up with em', I just want a damn good burger and some decent customer service.  Dallas, Texas Ya'll ;)

JustSaying
JustSaying

@whocareswhatithink  Exactly. Whenever a DFW pro sports team is playing, pints of PBR, Bud Select, and Ziegenbock are $1.25. I have found worse places to drink during a Rangers double-header.

Chattering_Monkey
Chattering_Monkey

@TheCredibleHulk Should be called Mexican Heaven.  When I went there it was nothing but fat old hispanics just eye fucking everything that walked by and just being generally disgusting.  But hey the girls that work there dig it so to each his own I guess

Twinwillow
Twinwillow

@kergo1spaceship Just about the main reason (plus the cost) I dropped my landline. Hell, even my burglar alarm is connected to my home's wi-fi. via Bluetooth. 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@kergo1spaceship man, we must have ended up on the same list.  The calls are hilarious, but Im recording them, just in case I can ever find out who it is and sue

Snoozechamp
Snoozechamp

I hope you'll all read the other reviews... Twin Peaks, Tilted Kilt, Bikini's... Going into all of them with an open mind.

Snoozechamp
Snoozechamp

It was the "staph" shirt that got me.

GiovanniGenovese
GiovanniGenovese

@Snoozechamp 
Hi, Snoozechamp...and very courteously, I am not sure I follow. "It's MORE unfair to judge something and NOT go in?" I mean, can you honestly say (she) didn't know what to expect inside? I am not trying to be rude or sarcastic, I would just like to know better and maybe I could learn something. Maybe it was, "Well, this may be like Hooters, or Twin Peaks, or Pompii's, but when (she) got there, are you say thing that perhaps it was even MORE lewd than the others? That I suppose I could understand. But wouldn't that would make a woman who goes into that restaurant a glutton for punishment, unless she's in on the joke? Because that's exactly what I for one perceive it to be. A joke. Thank God I live in a country where I have the money and the choice to go out and go to A.) Spiral Diner, B.) McDonald's C.) Kebab N Curry, D.) Pizza Inn, or E.) Slutty-Slutty Slut-Slut Bar and Grill. Thank God we have places like this where we can laugh at the politically correct and overly/unnecessarily angered. Thank God we don't live in a country where the women who work at Redneck Heaven don't have to wear a head-to-toe burkah and submit to their husband or brother and be beaten for even saying, "I'd like to read and write and go to work."
Sorry, I probably went WAY off topic here. My point is don't be mad at the people or places. In all fairness, didn't you have your mind ALREADY made up to walk in the place with a sneer? I've never been to the Tiger Cabaret on 30 and Buckner, but I know before having to go inside that it is NOT the ind of place I want or choose to go. It would be a waste of my time and my money, and I honestly don't want to go in and get flirted with or lap danced or whatever. That's just not my kind of place. But you know, I'm glad it's there. Or rather, I am glad I have the choice to go to a place like that if I wanted to.

Snoozechamp
Snoozechamp

I didn't know exactly what to expect. That's why I went.

GiovanniGenovese
GiovanniGenovese

@GrammarPolice @rubbbrduky @GiovanniGenovese 

Excuse me. You are absolutely right. "COULDN'T care less."
But in this case, I truly meant "could" care less. Because the better my f'ing buffalo shrimp, the more apt I am to ignore the girls. You get some REAL pretty girl in there trying to flirt, I need her to get away while I dip those mothers in the bleu cheese. So, all in all, yes, I think I absolutely COULD care less.

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