I Really, Really, Really Love Miller High Life

Categories: Beer

millerhighlife_nickrallo.jpg
Nick Rallo
Thank you, unnatural glow beer.
It's Drinking Week at City of Ate, which means even more stories than usual about our favorite pastime. Check back for more stories about craft beer, killer bartenders and more.

There comes a time in every person's life when you realize you love Miller High Life. When you understand it, when you really know it deep in your bones that you love those squared-off bottles, it's like the breaking of a dam. All those insufferable foodie things you've said in the past -- "I'm really bored by mushrooms" -- wash away in a rush of butterscotch-colored liquid. If beer is one of the greatest inventions of the human race, then Miller High Life is also one of the greatest inventions. Because it's beer.

It somehow tastes like Thanksgiving, with that rich, movie-popcorn-butter color, and like a blazing hot summer. I think there's actually globules of turkey gravy in the bottle. A South Pole-cold Miller High Life, just before the mini glaciers form in the bottle, is incredible with grill-charred, cheesy hamburgers.

When Miller High Life reaches frost temperatures, you can actually taste the sound of sitting on the dock of the bay. I don't why, but I think Miller High Life should be the official beer of ocean hang-gliding and what actors drink when they drink Beer-brand beer in the movies. There's no time or age to High Life. It tastes like Francis Scott Key frantically writing because shit was blowing up. It's 1980s Montana and 2014 Southern California. It tastes like Rust Cohle.

I think it glows at night.

I think Miller High Life was designed to absorb the refrigerator light, so when you open the fridge door, deep in the evening, the beer glows like a lantern in a cave. It's unnatural tasting, like instant mashed potatoes, but that's why it's delicious.

At Capitol Pub on Henderson, they serve them as cold as Pluto. At Goodfriend, you can get a seven ounce, mini bottle for two dollars. It's the perfect beer appetizer. At the Beer Cave in Lakewood, they run 5.99 a six-pack.

They go great with crispy tacos, too. It's not just American, and it's not just for cheap beach food. It's not just '80s mustaches and koozies and boats clunking on a dock. Miller High Life is good with yellowtail sashimi or boiled, spicy crab. It's good in Canada.

I really love Miller High Life. It's becomes a craving. It's like a good, grilled cheeseburger: Sometimes you just need it straight off the grill with some cheese and mustard. No tastings or glasses, just the Champagne of Beers. Actually, let's not call it the Champagne of Beers. Can we change the slogan? It should be: The Miller High Life of Beers.

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26 comments
DiabloRojo
DiabloRojo

I drink BEER, miller, coors, bud, Heineken, whatever is cold and available is fine with me..

iSchadenfreude
iSchadenfreude

i recall going in to the Angry Dog to catch a couple beers after an especially difficult day of work. imagine my excitement when i saw High Life in the coolers. "Yes!! Sweet nectar of the gods."


i quickly guzzled a couple down threw a $10 on the bar and started to head out the door. the bartender hollered after me that i needed to pay my tab. after returning to my bar stool (indignantly i might add) to show him the money i left to cover the golden goodness in a clear bottle i was shocked, SHOCKED to hear my tab was $11 -- for two High Life's.


all i could do was mutter, "Fucking Hipster Assholes" as i threw another $5 on the bar.

p_mallett
p_mallett

"There comes a time in every person's life when you realize you love Miller High Life."


No.

pencilthinhandlebar
pencilthinhandlebar

80s moustaches had nothing on 70s moustaches

Yellow American lawnmower beer is a guilty pleasure but a pleasure nonetheless especially in this hellish month

Sharon_Moreanus
Sharon_Moreanus topcommenter

Windell D. Middlebrooks is a good beerman.

asdfg
asdfg

Super cold, with an array of deli meats, just like Dad.


Be a man, you fucking beer homos.  Put that faggot fucking snifter down and drink a Man's Beer. 

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

Here's the deal: If you've got the time, we've got the beer.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

10 yrs ago, when I was beering on a budget my local hole had buckets of "affodables"  They were 4 for $6 and the beer choice was Mickey's, Icehouse, Red Dog and High Life.  Mine was always filled with the Champagne of Beers for Sunday NFL watching

Greg820
Greg820

The Champagne of Beers

Yellow urine glow, sweet taste

Super chilled, big smile

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

I've always loved that "glow" of the clear bottle, too.

Too sweet for my tastes, though.

JustSaying
JustSaying

@DiabloRojo  There are several beers that I love. My favorite beer, however, is free beer.

Mervis
Mervis

@ScottsMerkin Sending the sausage from Chicago. That's a good start. Hopefully it is better than the Uno's outposts that have been around. These places were just never as good as the original Unos and Dues.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

@asdfg Hams or Schlitz for real men (over the age of 80)

b-boy1970
b-boy1970

@asdfg MHL IS a man's beer...if your testicles are made from thousands of little vaginas.

Mervis
Mervis

@asdfg So what you are saying is in order to be a man put down the snifter of high alcohol beer so we can have a bottle of low alcohol beer?

That's some well reasoned shit there.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@ChrisYu

*beer after beer*

I never really appreciated that little refrain in the jingle until I was of age.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

@TheCredibleHulk As have gotten older taste has moved on; but used to be in heavy rotation.   Also used to go with Miller Genuine Draft for fishing trips; called it "slick beer" because of the after-taste

Threeboys
Threeboys

@sotired. Isn't Hamms from the land of the sky blue waters?

And what happened to Strohs?

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