Cheap Bastard's Vegetarian Guide to Being a Vegetarian Bastard In Dallas

Categories: Cheap Bastard, Veg

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Dan Zettewoch
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It has come to my attention that some people choose to be vegetarians. I personally find most animals to be quite delicious. I like the porks. I very much like the beefs. I even like the fishes, which (as I would soon learn) are not, in fact, vegetables. Long story long, it's difficult for me to imagine choosing a foodlifeworld that does not include gristle.

In order to better understand these vegetarian human beings, I chose to take a walk in their meatless shoes and become vegetarian for one month.

There are many different levels of vegetarianism, ranging from "not actually vegetarian, just a high-maintenance meat eater hidden in hemp Jesus sandals who claims that fish and lard aren't meaty" to "I exclusively eat wheatgrass and sighs" vegan.

I was told by actual, real vegetarians that classic vegetarians are allowed dairy products and eggs, just no meat. (For the purposes of my experiment, I did my best to avoid animal rennet, but I was not on a strict no-animal-rennet vegetarian diet.) This is known as being ovo-lacto-vegetarian. "So, up to this point, I've been a carne-ovo-lacto vegetarian?" The vegetarians did not laugh. I learned very quickly that we do not make jokes about our vegetarianism.

In an effort to reduce my fear of going meatless, I found comfort focusing on foods that I love that also happen to be vegetarian. I fucking love mushrooms and arugula and peppers and squash and blue cheese. And there's enough olive oil and bread in the world to get me through 30 days. If I wanted to, I could eat Popsicles for every meal for a month. I could be the hero lady who invents frozen-treat vegetarianism. Beer isn't meat -- maybe I could go booze-o-pretzels-veg. Come to think of it, my alcoholic grandpa had to be vegetarian. He survived on a diet that consisted exclusively of fine French wine, vichyssoise and sugar cookies. Dude invented Beaujolaistarianism.

My mission: Find the best vegetarian food in Dallas. My requirements included a preference for restaurants that offer meat eaters nice dining options as well (so that if you're vegetarian and your friends want to go eat steak, you don't have to miss out just because of your dietary restrictions), and low-maintenance ordering (I don't want to have to order an entrée salad and ask for it "without chicken or bacon or ham," because I know what servers can and will do to people who are high-maintenance orderers. I used to be a waitress. Spitting? You should be so lucky.

I looked for restaurants that embrace vegetarianism in a meat-centric world. "We have a lot of side items you can choose from" wasn't going to cut it. I wanted entrees that were specifically conceived with vegetables in mind. The vegetables should be the focus, not an afterthought.

Behold: The Cheap Bastard's List of Restaurants that Serve the Kind of Foods Vegetarian People Like to Eat.

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19 comments
Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

How could you forget Jack in the Box tacos?

There's no meat in those. 

At least not meat-meat like from a cow meat.

I think it's from a tofurkey or something.

UGuest
UGuest

Try the huge Korean pancake at Jin-Meh, 15th St in Plano.

J_A_
J_A_

Maybe instead of all this vegetarian nonsense, how about research into places with sustainable and/or humanely raised meat? I always feel guilty thinking of those horrific pig-chicken-cow processing plants. Basically I'm lazy as fck and want you to do the leg work. Thank you kindly!

Parkdale27
Parkdale27

Yea Alice.  You got your mojo back!

christa.mcclure
christa.mcclure

That was the funniest shit I ever read...thank you for all your amazing opinions and suggestions for eating healthier.  You almost inspired me to try this vegitarian thing, then I remembered that I love meat!

MattL11
MattL11

I'd be able to do this for a time if we could agree classify hot soppressata as a fruit.  

urbanexotic
urbanexotic

To add to your list:

1)  D'Vegan - Damn fine Vietnamese home cooking. Even my meat eating husband loves their pho.

2)  Good 2 Go Taco - Always has at least 2 vegetarian tacos and will leave the meat off many others. The Minnie Pearl and the Paris, TX sans meat rock my world.

3)  Dallul - Hole in the wall Eritrean (similar to Ethiopian) place. Get the Veg Combination plate.

4)  Maraca's - Mexican place in Deep Ellum with plenty of veg options. They're happy to customize their regular entrees for you, too.

5)  Everest - Himalayan food to die for. Get the fried veggie momo and the Indian veg tali combo your first time.

6)  Bangkok City - Choose fried tofu and almost all their meals are vegetarian. I crave their Pad Woon Sen constantly.


Also, Dalat's vegetarian food is terrible. If you have to have vegetarian pho in central Dallas, go to Pho is for Lovers. If you want vegetarian pho that tastes like real pho, go to D'Vegan.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Can you provide a link to the document for your "Dallas Vegetarian Seek 'n Find"

It's genius and want to print more readable copy


TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

 "I learned very quickly that we don not make jokes about our vegetarianism."

Heh. You must have stood out like a t-bone in a tofu-salad with that crowd.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Nice article - can't wait for the vegan follow-up


Tried the 10 day vegetarian detox (just for the hell of it), made it seven days.  Was constantly hungry, had no energy and felt like poo.  


ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

just kidding, that shit was funny but no, Im never going meatless, ever

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@Sotiredofitall

I'm sort of like a "2nd level vegetarian", I let the animals consume vegetation, then I consume the animal.

I like my 2nd level veggies to have dark, greasy sear marks on them.

urbanexotic
urbanexotic

@AliceLaussade - I haven't had the vermicelli, so you've got me there. I've had the pho, the tofu VietMex tacos, and the tofu ramen. The husband has had 3 of their meat options - all disappointing.

AliceLaussade
AliceLaussade

@urbanexotic @AliceLaussade I really enjoy Bangkok City and their secret hotness scale. And Good 2 Go is awesome. D'Vegan was recommended to me, I just never had the chance to get there-- but mostly (and I mean MOSTLY), this Dallul place sounds super fun.

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